FOLIO OLIO

I have heard many people discuss their fear about the climate. I can state as a fact that there is nothing to worry about. I drove all over the whole country and EVERYWHERE I went there was climate. Kind of like an omnipotent force...it won't go away. So relax, you silly worry warts.

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There is a website that uses the latest techniques in reverse-auditory-melodic-unstickification technology, that allows its users to "unheard" songs that are stuck in their heads by listening to an equally catchy tune. (TRUE)

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What a cool thing to be reminded of....

And I remember gathering in an auditorium just like this in middle school to watch it...

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I love this shower. And here's why...

Last night I asked my wife if she would like to join me in the shower. She did.
The shower above would at least let us move around without worrying about the soaped person touching the rinsed person and fucking up the whole experience.

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My mother-in-law had a stroke a while back and the whole time she was in the hospital she thought she was in Florida. Now that she has recovered, she STILL refers to her time hospitalized as "Back when I was in Florida". (TRUE)

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The top picture is what you see in their on-line ads....the bottom is what it really looks like...

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(read this next sentence in the voice of that Twilight Zone guy, Rod Serling)

"Oh, boy, that's pursuit."
It sounds like a guy at a garage sale describing his for-sale La-A-Boy's upholstery...."Oh, boy, that's real leather."
Well, I went to my favorite bar to watch the Gamecocks kick the shit out of Georgia...but I digress....and there was a guy who sat next to me who spoke like that. He knew NOTHING about football and kept saying "Sweet" for no apparent reason. Once he made a comment that was totally erroneous and Courtney corrected him and the jerk-off just said, "Exactly!" I'm not a violent man, but that guy deserves to die.....slowly.
But that's not the worst. At one point in the game my Gamecocks fumbled in the red zone, then Georgia drove the ball down the field inside our red zone and they fumbled.
I was forming my mouth to utter the words "Tit for Tat" when that jerk off SAID THE EXACT SAME WORDS. I became nauseous and had to leave, which was rather difficult since my friend Courtney here was sitting on my other side. She's nice...in a brutal sort of way.

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(TRUE) This morning my wife and I went to the local fresh market that is held in a parking lot every Saturday. I sat on my golf cart while my wife shopped and the whole time I sat there I didn't see one single fat person. Go figure.

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Damn, Nairobians!! Get with the fucking program!!!

That is actually a very smart sign. I mean, what do we care about WHY the plane is delayed. It's delayed....PERIOD. I kind of like the simplicity of it all.

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This is a malt whiskey made from diabetics' urine. (TRUE)

Speaking of urine...

(if you don't know who that guy is....it's okay...it really is)

Urine....somebody has to deal with it....and you better practice, by god!!!!

(did you notice that her smile is bigger that his?)

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I have a problem. Periodically I ask (beg) people to send me stuff I can use in my blog. I really, really, really appreciate what I get....BUT.....

I was sent this image which the email stated was "NOT PHOTOSHOPPED".
I like the image, but as soon as I waded through page after page of previously sent email addresses, therefore I was the...oh....millionth person to receive it, I was suspect. One little trip to Snopes.com confirmed it was bogus. Please continue to help me find stuff cool enough to share, but.....I don't know how to put it.......if half the known internet users IN THE WORLD have seen it........IT'S FUCKING BOGUS. Snopes.com....put it in your favorites.
(sorry)

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This is NOT a joke. You women might want to pay attention... especially #8...
I'm a master of #8...

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The fundamental "constant" of the universe is called Alpha (look it up). Well, they have just found out that it's not constant.
(this is the kind of shit that my daughter and I exchange emails about)

My problem with science is that our measurements (and therefore our conclusions) are only as good as our measuring instruments. And, relatively speaking, ours are primitive at best. Cosmically speaking, they are like looking out over the landscape from your cave and determining that the earth is flat. Not that I want to give up research....but, come on smart people, learn a little humility.

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My god! I can see Sarah Palin's house form here!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

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If a woman had written the movie....

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(I got this email yesterday)
I-90 will be closed tomorrow across South Dakota. They are hauling a 200 ton piece of coal to Mount Rushmore so they can add Obama. Apparently, they couldn't find a 200 ton piece of shit.
(Now, that, ladies and gentlemen, is an opinionated person)

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After their argument, he fucked up AGAIN by a simple misunderstanding of the meaning of the term "Make-up Sex".
( HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!)

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One of my very own...