THE LAND OF THE FREE AND THE HOME OF THE BRAVE

Scientists have proven that marijuana is not only not harmful, but in some cases medicinal.  But we, free Americans, are forbidden to use it.  Besides that stupidity, think of the tax revenue that could be generated without so much as a grumble from those paying the taxes if we regulated it's sale like cigarettes or beer.

How did we get so stupid?  

- Several neighbors in South Carolina were arrested for having a friendly poker game in a garage.  

-South Carolina banned video gambling machines (which brought in a ton of taxes) on the premise that gambling was evil, then the next year instituted a state lottery.  

- You can go to jail now for spanking your kid.  

- The state will send you a check every month for the "disease" of alcoholism.  This check must be sent to a neutral party, including your bartender.

- There is a cap on Social Security payments.  The formula dictates that the more money you and I (normal people) make, the more money we pay in....up to a limit.  Then no matter how many millions or billions you make you pay no more than the cap.

- This same cap scam applies to auto sales in SC.  You pay a percentage of the cost for cars up to a cap of $600.  So you pay twice as much for a $40K car than a $20K car, but then the cap kicks in, so a rich guy buys a $250K Italian sports car and only pays $600.

I could give many, many more examples, but you already know them.  I'm not going to bomb a government building or move to a compound in Montana, but I do think that the song lyrics should be changed to LAND OF THE CONTROLLED AND HOME OF A FEW BRAVE.

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Now it's time for another round of...

FUN WITH LANGUAGE

This is an example of the appalling things people put on the internet.  This is for educational purposes only, no amusement is intended nor will it be tolerated...

I'm assuming this is his ex-wife....

Here's another of those awful racist's posts you find on some sites....sites you should avoid at all costs.  It ought to be against the law to laugh at people not like yourself.

Please take the time to read this in it's entirety...then ask yourself if you want people like her in control of your life....I should have said "more in control".

 In a way she's absolutely correct...atheists are evil if it is defined by her.  Gambling, drinking, cursing, looking a naked women who are not their wife, dancing, being tolerant and, of course, being an evil free-thinker who has the audacity to logically deduce that magic played no part in the creation of the universe.

Think of that last letter writer when you read this....THINK!

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TRUE:  In 1989 I painted a mural in Aiken, South Carolina.  While there I was told about a depression era mural in the courthouse that the first judge to see it in the 1930's had ordered that it be covered with a curtain.  I wanted to see and photograph it, so I walked into the courthouse, walked up to the officer at the desk and stated my desire.  He took me to the courtroom and pointed to a ceiling to floor stage-like curtain behind the judge's bench.  I asked if I could pull back the curtain to take a photograph of the image and he said that it was forbidden.  When I asked why, he said that it would take another judge's order before anyone could view it again and no judge has bothered to order it.  When I asked why it was banned, he told me that it depicted a bare chested Lady Justice holding scales, but the judge thought she looked "mulatto", and was personally offended.

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A website of notes left for roommates.

 "...the fact that it is considered a social norm...."  BY WHOM?!?!
I want to meet them.  Did we take a vote or did a cabal of anal assholes ramrod this "social norm" through while us normal folk were busy?  I say this....listen closely...we are all big boys and girls and I think that with just a little planning we can devise a way to deal with the fucking toilet seat without asking someone else to do it for us.  You want it up....put it up.  You want it down...put it down.  Write this shit down....it's not that complicated.
("cabal of anal assholes ramrod"...nice imagery)

Here are some more notes from roommates I thought would be worth sharing...but now I have my doubts...

(there is a crab joke in there somewhere)

(remember Ralph's Rule #1?)

 If you are already married, I hate to tell you, but you can't evoke Rule #1 UNLESS the terms of the matrimony were made clear to all participants PRIOR to the signing of the document.

I know this is hard to read, but excluding the nutcases who forbid alcohol, the United States of America is right up there with India for having the highest drinking age.  Land of the free, indeed.

And be very careful my friends in trying to explain all the prohibitions we have in this country as "It's for your own good".  Many, many of you have fallen for that bit of nonsense.
For instance, it's against the law for me to kill myself, much less assist someone else in killing themselves.  How dare some prick tell me what I can and can not do with my own...being.  IT'S MINE!  It may be the only thing I have and if I want to give it away, this is MY RIGHT!

The internet has spoken....IT HATES HITLER...

I get a lot of emails about funny test answers, but I've seen and/or posted them already.  But here's one I haven't seen before...

Give the next two some time...they are very clever...

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 This guy did months of research finding out what prompted people to give money to bums.  He talked to a lot of bums about the best locations, times of day, etc.  One man and woman couple found that they got much less when they bummed together.  When they split up, men gave the woman more, and women gave the man more.
Then the researcher tried it himself.  Not surprisingly, he found that if you can make a person smile, then they are much more likely to give you money.  I (who NEVER gives money to bums) would have thought seriously of rewarding this one for the irony....but first, I would have asked him if he knew what irony was.

A treadmill that teaches you how to dance.....BRILLIANT!

One of my very own....

*****CORRECTION*****

My wife was very angry at me for yesterday's post about her family.
She wanted to let you know that her niece does not have three illegitimate children.  One of them was born while she was married to a man who is now serving time in prison. I regret my error.

I had to explain to that wonderful woman that I often stretch, bend, spindle and mutilate the truth in my blog.  I reminded her of a series of blogs that outlined in detail how she was attempting to kill me and that my blog was not a diary.  It is entertainment....hopefully.

I NEVER let a few facts get in the way of a good story.
Therefore, be forewarned, if there isn't a "TRUE:" preceding something you read on my post, then you are encouraged to proceed with due caution.
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I am now back in my hotel room, having survived my trip to a holy place.  There was a 30 foot plaster Jesus hanging from the ceiling.  I sat in the back, certain that those chains would snap and I would be crushed by it; then the event would be declared a miracle and I would be sainted or some such shit.
Anyway, I was rude to one guy, but tonight I will have an opportunity to apologize.  I just don't like men touching me uninvited.
Half of the women in attendance were wearing Crocs, which I thought was a nice touch.
The preacher or priest or shaman or whatever they called him got the couples' names wrong. He made a joke about it, which when you think about it was his only option this side of prostrating himself under that big ass statue and screaming for forgiveness.  Which to be honest, I would have loved to have seen in person.
I have stated before that I don't like making fun of fat people because it is too easy and overdone.....BUT GOOD GODDAMN, YA'LL!!!!!  All I could think about was the numbers of acres of cotton it took to make those matching dresses.

Now I'm due at a poker game across the hall.  Two of the players are already drunk.  Two are women.  And one is 85 years old.  I, on the other hand, have a perfect poker buzz and I'm at the top of my game.  More later....
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