FUN WITH LANGUAGE

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Some of these I found extremely funny. Hope you agree.

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Give it a second or two...please!

HIGHLIGHT FOR ANSWER: [ HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR THEM ]

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With friends like these...

"Hell fire, I want the one where I don't die at all, but live for eternity with Jesus."
Please, people, think about the definition of eternity. E-TERN-I-TY...look it up, then tell me you believe this is even near the rim of the possible long shot.
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Those who choose the high road of rationality will not be troubled with heavy traffic.

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This woman deserves to be raped...twice....sorry, maybe it's just me.

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I hate to seem an inchoate, idioglossia advocating kvetch, but it's time to let cursive writing go. It lingers as aoristic as smog; an enceinte practice causing my permanent moue. 

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(may not be worth the read, but I found it interesting)

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Some times the internet is funny without even trying to be...

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ABSOLUTELY FUCKING TRUE: I have a friend who was in a motorcycle accident years ago, the result of which left his face lying on his back. When they finally reconstructed his facial bones and replaced his face, they did it in such a way that the eyelashes of his remaining eye grow (curl) inward toward his eyeball. It presents some unusual problems that sometimes requires medical attention from time to time.

So, how was your day?

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I actually like the European way better.
Smallest to Middle-est to Largest....duh.

Let's get KINKAAAAAY!

Problem solved....

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A friend of mine was relating a story of an embarrassing moment that concluded this way: "And everybody just stood there like a fucking Rockwell painting, all frozen in place with a stupid look and shit."

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TRUE: I took a friend to pick up his car at a garage run by a Mennonite family. The wife sat at a table in the exact same blue dress of every other female family member and her white lace  skull cap thing and she clicked away on the keyboard of a brand new MacBook Pro, 17" screen. I thought that worth sharing.

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If greenhouse gases cause global warming, why don't we just blow up all the greenhouses?
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"Do come again."

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The man was so ugly he couldn't get laid at the Braille School.

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The Computer: An incredible machine for avoiding work.

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I was born in a town so small it would fit between two Burma-Shave signs.
(I quoted that to my bartender tonight and he had no idea what it meant. Doesn't anyone remember the Burma-Shave signs along the highway?)

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Why not?

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Pimples: An evolutionary adaptation that makes sure teenage boys have absolutely no chance of reproducing.

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HOW DO MAGNETS WORK?

Magnets are made of metal which is mined from the ground. They are magnetic because the metal still contains pieces of gravity inside it.

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One of my very own...

WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE SLUTS, AND ADVERTISE THE FACT...

Just kidding....now it's time for more PAINTED LADIES....

Adds a whole new meaning to Golden Globes don't it....
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