FOLIO OLIO

GAMECOCK FOOTBALL

Tomorrow my Gamecocks will play our archenemy, Clemson. My daughter is going to come over to watch it with me. I'm going to move the TV into my studio so we will have enough room to jump around and shit.

This is the first year I can remember that the big game is anticlimactic in that the next weekend we play Auburn for the SEC Championship...something we have never won. We have new uniforms to wear for that game, which is a good thing.....right?

*****

Yesterday I heard:

"Happy Thanksgiving and one-year anniversary of Tiger's life turning to shit."

We ate good. I assume you did also, but there are a whole bunch of folks in this country who didn't. I hate lazy motherfuckers as much as the next person, but this shit going on now ain't their faults. Try to do something to help. You'll feel gooder about yourself.

My wife cooks once a year, but when she does...

I should take a moment to explain to the people who know me why I have beans on my plate. I don't eat anything that grows out of the dirt...usually, but the woman cooked all day and what was I supposed to do?

Some of you people who don't know me as good may wonder about the yams and cranberries. Well, smartie pants, yams grow in the dirt and cranberries grow in water.

*****

NOTICES

Mean people suck, indeed. It's my mantra.

????

Okay, here are my two questions:

"Do you like your job?"

If yes - "Then why don't you fucking act like it?"

If no - "Then why don't you fucking find another job?"

*****

NAZIS

So, you've got a fascist leaning toddler? Do I have a costume for you.

But just to remind that Nazis weren't always the butt of jokes....

(my bet is that this mother and child are not Catholic)

*****

NEWSPAPER HEADLINES

Would someone please explain this to me?

????

*****

IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

*****

WORDS TO INSPIRE YOU
Somebody ought to tell Americans that they shouldn't weigh more than their refrigerator.

During Thanksgiving dinner my wife asked me what I was most thankful for. I said, "I'm just thankful I didn't get caught."

Real education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

HE: Since I first laid eyes on you, I wanted to make love to you really badly.
SHE: Well, you succeeded.

Am I the only one who smells his fingers after scratching his nuts?

*****

PHOTOGRAPHY AS ART

If art is supposed to touch you, this one touched me. My first wife was a concert pianist and I can remember that every day my house was filled of her practice. Powerful that.

If you don't recognize this, highlight between brackets...

[ A ZIPPER IMPRESSION ON A BELLY ]

*****

SOMETHING ABOUT ME YOU MAY NOT KNOW

I love to play poker. When I hire an artist to go on the road on my crew to paint murals, I ask them two questions: Do you drink beer and Do you play poker.

If has happened rarely, they don't play poker, the follow up questions is Do you want to learn. And I have kept kids off my crew for answering incorrectly.

I win much more often than I lose. One of the secrets is that it doesn't matter whether you win or lose, it's only important that you win toward the end of the game. Money will float around the table for hours, you just want to make absolutely sure it floats to your side of the table when the game is over.

Also of importance, is to encourage your fellow players to drink copious amounts of beer or whiskey, and toke on as much weed as they can tolerate. I like playing with drunk or stoned players.

*****

JOKES FOR YOUR WEEKEND