About Me

My photo
I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, December 27, 2010

A MAN'S DICK

For the half of humanity without one, it's hard to imagine the pride that the other half have in their member, dick, Willy, Johnson, or One Eyed Trouser Trout.

Some men like to send pictures of it to......friends...

Other men make very bad decisions over what to do with it...

There are some men, known as sick scumbags, who prefer young boys' dicks...

No matter how many times men are told, 
we all believe size DOES matter...

Most men can hardly keep their hands off their dicks long enough to eat food that requires two hands...
( my question is, How do you purchase on of these? I mean, do you just throw them in with the milk and eggs and just pray that the checkout girl doesn't have to ask for a price check? )

There are men, know as Homosexuals, who I used to make fun of, but now I just don't give a shit...

I was even in favor of gays in the military...

When a man is extraordinarily proud of his member, he likes to walk around with it dangling out for all to see...

In various ways, we document where our members have visited...

Human males are not the only males who like to show off their gift...

With all that said, is it any wonder that I want one of these?

*****
CLEVER NEW OBJECTS

When just laying your tea bag on the edge of your saucer just won't do...

THIS ONE IS BRILLIANT!!!!

I've always like clever lighters...

Here is my lighter. I stepped on it in waist deep surf and thought it was a shell. How delighted I was when I retrieved it. Rather appropriate that, since I would rather play poker than poke her.....now.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...poker....poke her!!!!!!


When actually touching a bar of soap is just too much trouble...

A young friend of mine is in graduate school to become an art teacher. He showed me how to make that "belt", having taught a fifth grade class how to make one. Then the very next day I came upon this without even looking. 
It's not very hard to make; using four fingers on a single hand.

This is clever, but it could get your ass dead...

I guess that if you did a lot of sitting around naked, then these chairs are a good idea...

It's a credit card that turns into a very sharp knife...
A ring projector...

I have a small drill like that - mine a Bosch - and it can drive four hundred 4" screws without changing batteries. It's very powerful. It cost me $100 and was worth every penny. ( you might want to write this shit down )
This is an attachment that will, more or less, instantly remove wine corks.

I'm hoping that this is a good idea. I just can't imagine looking for land mines being my job...there ain't enough money.


Good idea?  I haven't decided.

*****


*****
TATTOOS THAT NEVER SHOULD HAVE BEEN




*****
CARTOONS OF THE DAY

Seriously....I HAVE!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH


*****
SHIT YOU DON'T SEE EVERY FUCKING DAY



Oops....


Why is it that I don't see all the really cool Xmas gifts until AFTER the holidays....


Hang in there, Sparky...

*****
T-SHIRT OF THE DAY

?????????????????????????

*****
TRUE STUFF


*****
Two of my very own...


*****
WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE SLUTS,
BUT PROBABLY AREN'T...

I have determined through exhaustive research that you can very easily get a woman naked if you just tell her you are an artist...

I have seen them laying out on a Museum floor for what some artist told them was an "Art Installation".

Just put a movie camera in your hand and they will strip before you can say, "Action".

Still photographers have to be very skillful, relying on words like F-stop, avant-garde, and exquisite; and mumbling some mumbo-jumbo about light and shadow to convince the young women that you are making art and in no way interested in watching her do ridiculous things butt fucking naked.


I don't think I would be breaking any kind of covenant if I revealed to you that my wife posed naked when she was young(er). I still like looking at the pics, even though I know as a fact that back then she was nuttier than a squirrel turd.

(you have my permission to use the phrase "nuttier than a squirrel turd" when you need a giggle...no charge)

*****
Just a couple of days after stating in this blog that I have never had a white Christmas, it snowed like a motherfucker on the day AFTER Christmas.
_________________________________________

1 comment:

Ms. Revente's Musings said...

I may have been nuttier than a squirrel turd back then, BUT nude modeling paid a whole lot more than waiting tables.

Random Post

Random Posts Widget

Blog Archive