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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

THINGS I WILL NEVER DO...

I will never send pictures of stupid shit to people.
 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH...It's funny because that's what I do every fucking day...HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

I will never try to make my children think the way I do...
 That's called brainwashing and I'm agin it.

I will never surf from an ice floe...I promise...

I will never dye my hair...
 And after several years of less than stellar success, my wife has abandon the practice.

I will never put stickers of Jesus on my headlights...

I will never be buried in the ground and even if I did I wouldn't have a marker with my picture on it like this murdered Russian Mafia boss.

I will never invent a holiday...

I will never purposely endanger my life...

Ditto for skydiving...

I will never live in a place where this sort of thing is a regular part of my life...

I will never drink coffee that looks like this...
( I may be the only person in America who has NEVER entered a Star Bucks )

I will never stop asking logical questions about life's mysteries...

I will never do this to a cat.....I want to, but I never will...
 ( my daughter sent this to me in an email with the subject "I don't think this is funny".
Then under the picture she wrote, "I think it's hilarious."
Indeed.

I will never have a massage and even if I did, snakes would not be involved.

I will never wear a suit like this. 
As a matter of fact, I will never wear any kind of suit again.

I will never have a job I hate...

I will never tire of showing you this cartoon.

I will never understand how we gave away so many of our rights to the Christian right.


I will never understand why many people think it is important to live forever.

I've been told by otherwise normal people that they believe (or at least say they believe) in god for the exact same reason stated in the cartoon above...the risks of not believing are just too great. That's what I call an intellectual cop-out. 


CHECK THIS TRUE SHIT OUT

I've met people like those people. I will sometimes hear someone make a statement more or less about their devotion to god, and I take that as an open opportunity to ask questions. Usually I find they don't know the bible, they don't pray, they attend church to please their spouse or "to set a good example for their children", etc. I predict that if we all had the courage to just speak honestly, we would have a much more different country.
*****

I will never stop laughing at people who still think there is a hell underground somewhere, even though we're pretty fucking sure what's down there.
( Thanks Joe )

Yeah, he'll be here, but, of course, he's invisible. And he talks to me, but you can't hear it. And he's responsible for all the good stuff that happens to me, but he's not responsible for the shit that happens to me.  Jeeeeeeeeez.

NEWS OF THE DAY


CLEAVER PHOTO OF THE DAY

JOKE OF THE DAY

 One of my very own....

WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE SLUTS,
BUT PROBABLY AREN'T...
*****
I picked Illinois in a football game last night for a huge upset. I won, and the only reason I picked them is that my daughter and son-in-law are professors there.
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