SHOW LOW, AZ

Last night at a restaurant in Williams, AZ, we ate at a table by the window. We watched as cowboys (with guns strapped on) walked up and down the street...I assumed they were paid to do so. Most had beards and looked a little smarmy.

While my wife was paying the tab, I went to a bench out front to smoke. After a minute or so, a group of French people walked up and in a thick frog accent asked, "Are you famous here?" I almost took them for a ride down fabrication lane, but knew I wouldn't have the time to make the trip meaningful.

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I know I'm being picky, but shit like this sends me up the fucking wall...

What's worse for an artist than an awful painting in his motel room? TWO OF THE EXACT SAME AWFUL ART IN ONE ROOM!!!! JEEEEEEEZ!

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I will say it again...

This country is fucking HUGE!! And right in the middle of this drive, Fergie GPS girl got drunk or something. Here is what it sounded like for five minutes, with hardly a break...

Turn right, then turn right...Turn left....Turn right, then turn left....Turn left, turn right.....etc.

As you can see there was no turn possible for a hundred miles.

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We have learned two very important lessons during our travels in the west:

1. Never let your gas gauge fall below half

2. Never pass up a chance to pee...women pee A LOT!!!

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But along the way, we came upon this gem...Check out the old cars posed in front of each "room" at this motel.

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Finally arrived at the number one item on my bucket list...Meteor Crater. And I just stood in total awe.

On the way out of the observation building we saw this...

If you thought it was a mural, well, so did Debbie and I. I had to do a triple take before I realized it was a hole in the wall.

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Knew I wanted to tag something around the crater, and selected this marker with the mounded crater rim in the background.

I had just finished putting the screwdriver in my pocket when the ranger stopped right in his lane, got out and wanted to know what was going on. I showed him my camera, took a picture of the rim and he warned of the danger of getting stuck in the sand and then...he drove away.

That was close. I can just imagine having to call one of you to bail me out of jail for vandalizing federal property or some such shit.

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After the crater, which I liked very much, we went to the Petrified Forest. On the route into it, there were a half dozen stores as the one below.

Each of these stores covered tens of acres; FILLED with petrified wood. I was impressed.

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Then after I entered the park (absolutely FREE because of that $10 senior pass I bought at the Grand Canyon - savings...$30), I realized why. There are huge petrified trees literally littering the ground...tens of thousands of them. This photo doesn't do the scale justice, but every dark dot you see in the distance is a chunk of petrified tree...and this goes on for 28 miles.

Here's the chunk I acquired...I like it because it looks like and is about the size of a pork loin.

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Now a history lesson: C.E. Cooley and Marion Clark decided there was not enough room for both of them in their settlement. The two men agreed to let a game of cards decide who had to move. A marathon poker game ended with no clear winner, so a frustrated Clark said, "If you can show low, you win." (I can only assume that it was a cut the deck with the lowest card taking it all). Cooley turned up the deuce of clubs (the lowest possible card) and replied, "Show low it is." Thus the town was named.

The stakes were a 100,000 acre ranch. Show Low's main street is named "Deuce of Clubs" in remembrance of Cooley's feat (the street on which I now find myself in a motel). Later, a bronze statue of the participants was commissioned.

I really wanted to tag either the Show Low city limits or a Deuce of Clubs street sign because I think the names are cool as shit, but I'm running low tags, so one a day max.

Time for an early supper...we aren't noctivagant diners.

****THINGS I'VE FOUND WORTHY OF SHARING****

Lara actually showed these through a large telescope in Boston and they are just these colors.

Speaking of space...

My wife said that she loves me with all her butt, adding that she would have said heart, but her butt is bigger.

(good thing Christians pray, like...up)

Sarcasm is the body's natural defense against stupid.

It's only kinky the first time.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

And lastly one from my wife...I liked it.

http://www.wistv.com/Global/story.asp?S=12616538

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GRAND CANYON

Traveling the back roads has its downside. Some times you have to take whatever motel there is to be had. Isn't this the sorriest excuse for a motel you've ever seen...I felt like I was staying in a storage unit.

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The mystery is solved...

The Four Corner Monument marking the intersection of Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico and Utah is about 1,807 feet east of where it should have been placed in 1875.

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At the gate to the Grand Canyon, we had our money in hand when the ranger asked if I was older than 63. I said I was and he told me that for just $10 I could have a lifetime pass AND be able to bring guests. VIVA LA OLD AGE!!

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At one of the semi-busy pull offs at the Canyon, I backed up to the wall, dropped the tailgate and we had a wonderful picnic. This was our view...but I couldn't take my eyes off the tree on the left.

It is now graced with Tag #93. Note that I positioned the tag at a spot where a limb had already been removed, therefore minimal damage to the plant. Now this one tree...out of the millions in the area...is special.

As soon as the screw was seated, I heard a man's voice say, "What's going on here?"

I had already thought of this possibility, but while I was mulling whether to use 'I'm marking trees of historical importance' or 'This is my grandfather's final wish when he died at the age of 97', my wife piped up, "He's a damn artist and he's been putting those tags all over America."

The man, a traveler like myself, found no harm in the venture, therefore I didn't have to kill him to insure silence. He even promised to keep an eye out for other tags as he roamed this great country of ours.

All in all we had a good time, but I didn't stay very long...erosion always depresses me.

Anyway, I got lost and had to rappel to safety and, well, one thing led to another and the rangers kicked us out...after the helicopter rescue.

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I keep finding strange things. At one point in our journey there was a very large sign telling us to turn on our lights in the day or night. Then hundreds of miles later, there was a sign that read: End Day Time Turn on Your Lights. Would somebody please explain that to me?

****BEGIN STUFF THAT MAY BE TRUE, INTERESTING OR FUNNY*****

This is the same actor reading the same newspaper decades apart...

But, that's not all...(you may want to click on this image to enlarge)

Nobody knows exactly where the newspaper comes from. It is assumed that it was made as a royalty-free prop years ago and has become a running gag amongst prop masters on various shows.

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I don't like cute sandcastles, but every once in a while...

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I found this rather humorous...

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And let's close on a positive note...

***************END THAT STUFF****************

One of my very own...

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PAGE, AZ

Just got off the road after 6 hours of driving. Four of those hours were spent driving to Four Corners, which is the only place where 4 states touch. I felt exactly like Clark Griswold in the movie Vacation. This was my Wally World.

I, of course, graced it with Tag #93.

When we were about to leave the 4 Corner gate, a group of bikers drove up. One of them said, "What the hell is there to construct...it's just a point on the fucking ground!"

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Saw a combination Burger King and Navajo Cultural Center.......you don't see one of those everyday.

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It's hard to explain how vast it is out here. We could see so far down the lonesome road in both directions that we could just stop and pee right on the center line. Sometimes we didn't pass a car for what seemed like hours. Then right in the middle of fucking nowhere a dusty UPS truck passes us. I was actually impressed.

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TRUE: This morning before we got on the road, I was watching CNN and there was a headline that read: PORN ACTRESS, WANTED FOR MURDER, DIES AFTER FALLING OFF A CLIFF.

I would make a sizable wager that those eleven words have NEVER been arranged in that order before...I find items like that intriguing.

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My wife is the most wonderful of traveling companions. Once during our trip we started finding things wrong with the room: unpainted plaster repair, chipped porcelain, bad remote, etc. My wife took pictures of all of it, emailed it to corporate headquarters, and within thirty minutes the manager had my wife's email on her own computer screen when my wife went to the office to get the key to another room with a discount. Yeah, she's good.

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Did I mention that it's hot as fucking dragon breath outside? It's 103 now, and will be 91 degrees at TEN O'CLOCK TONIGHT!!! You know what they say about it being okay because it's a "dry heat"? Don't believe it. It's HOT...DAMN HOT! The news says that the area is beginning a record heat wave...AND THAT'S ON TOP OF BEING IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUCKING DESERT TO BEGIN WITH!!!

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I saw this mountain range today...(might want to click it bigger and really look at it before moving one...it will be worth it...it's one of those Shit Brix moments)

Then I saw the alien profile that they left here for us...

What do you say now, Mr. Non-Believer?!?

(I DID NOT alter this image in any way...I swear)

****START FOUND SHIT THAT MAY BE TRUE, INTERESTING OR FUNNY*****

Speaking of internal organs...

(what a wonderfully provocative image)

Creationism: Because it's a lot easier to read one book than a whole bunch of them.

I know...I KNOW what I keep saying about no more tattoos...but I couldn't resist sharing this one...I just wonder how drunk he was...

(I bet he'll be a real hoot at the next family reunion with Grandma and all the aunts.)

There's something not Kosher about the Swine Flu.

I'm a sucker for creative clocks...

"Holy caloric intake, Fatman!"

(WARNING: I have not confirmed the following)

450 Muslim men married girls as young as seven in mass ceremony in Gaza. All of the men also recieved $500 from Hamas.

(but don't their garish make-up look nice)

***************END FOUND SHIT****************

FOUR CORNERS

During my travels I have learned something as a fact...

THIS COUNTRY IS FUCKING HUGE!

I tried to take some pictures of the scenery, but it's just too vast to do it justice.

Ate another plate of tamales for lunch and they were the worst yet. It seems the farther west I go the worse the tamales. Therefore, due to my extravagant Pepto-Bismol expenses, I am forced to give up on the whole tamale thing.

This morning we tried to find Dennis Hopper's grave outside of Taos, but couldn't. My wife INSISTED that I tag something near the grave, but it was not meant to be.

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I have no idea...

Weirdness is a double edged sword... One of my very own...

I'm rather curious as to how many people see the humor in that...besides Kent.

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