About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

FUN WITH LANGUAGE

First, notes left for other people...
I like this lady.  How do I know it's a lady?
No guy would even think of buying matching robes.

What are frinds for?


A British man escaped unscathed from a hot-air balloon crash in the French Alps, only to lose his footing and falling 1,000ft to his death. Bob Bickerdike, 63, called friends to tell them he was unharmed shortly after crash-landing his balloon in the mountains at 6,000ft.




Not to seem cruel....but I agree.

That is one reason I like owning my own home.
I did call the police one time when an unmarried neighbor made such noise that I thought she was being murdered.
I swear.


*****
POSTED SIGNS


Subtle this....


It's called the South, folks......move there.



PRISON: It's for suckers
(read that again)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!


I got a Valentine card from my wife....
 *****
SIGNAGE


?????


I've done shit like this before!!!


That IS NOT 20 yards.



The only light I see are flashbacks.



Math.....who needs it?


My friend, Joe, sent me this. I think he thought I would recognize it.

Kind of arty this....
...in a negative sort of way.



 ADVICE TO YOU YOUNG MARRIED MEN...AND WOMEN

Years ago my wife an I decided to seek a cause to unite behind...a common goal...a goal that would focus our attention and bring us closer together. We found that special goal to be my happiness.

Mountains of wild envy surrounds me.



Is this a good thing....or a bad thing?

“Ward, weren’t you a little hard on the Beaver last night?
 *****


A woman goes to the Doctor, with bruises on her face.  
The Doctor asks: "What happened?"
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he slaps me around."
The Doctor says: "I have a real good cure for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth.  Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is asleep."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me! How does the water do that?"
The Doctor says: "The water does nothing at all…it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.” 

*****
CAPTIONS



DISMEMBERMENT: When you know you want to get it right the first time.



Only 3% of all mammals are biologically programmed to be monogamous....humans ain't one of them.





The parents of a Pennsylvania woman who died shortly after attending a "Polar Bear Plunge" charity event in southern New Jersey two years ago have sued the city where it was held and the group that organized it.
Also among the 19 defendants in the federal lawsuit brought this week by Tracy Hottenstein's parents are the owners of two bars she was at on the night she died and the couple who invited her to dinner at their home that evening. Also named is the hospital where she died and the doctor who pronounced her dead, as well as the Sea Isle City Police Department and individual officers.




California now bans the use of welfare debit cards for buying pot and using psychics.



There was an old Russion joke from the 1980's that suggested if Rissua and China got into a war, that if China surrendered a million people a day, they would win the war within 90 days. . .

Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty. And the pig likes it.


Lady Gaga was at the VMA's covered in meat. She was at the Grammy's dressed as an egg. Two more red carpets and she will be a Denny's Grand Slam breakfast.

One of my very own...

WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE SLUTS,
BUT PROBABLY AREN'T...
Put me in the game, coach!

1 comment:

Melissa said...

Ralph,

I took that picture that my Dad (Joe) sent you. Did you notice the sign in the background? It was for a Retirement Community on Old Cox Road. That really made me laugh!

Melissa

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