About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator,,and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011


I want one!!!

Events in the Middle East raises a fundamental question for all freedom loving people concerned with simple human dignity....will I have to pay more for gas?

Come on, Radium, are you even trying?

I have to dumb down my grammar when I speak to some people.

Yes, that's a cave and yes, that's a man with a flashlight.

I sometimes sit on the toilet sideways....
just for the hell of it.

I wish I could play Little League now...
I'd kick some fucking ass.

I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks shit.

Is this true?

This is how I explained a simple physics principal to my children...

The world's smallest aquarium...

I am disgusted by Charlie Sheen's seemingly endless supply of good health.

I had a hell of a bachelor party.
It is still brought up in city council meetings
25 years later.

I asked my young daughter if she knew how babies get here. She said, "Well, the lady has an egg inside her and the man has sperm inside him, and the sperm meets the egg and that's how the lady gets pregnant."
I asked her how the sperm meets the egg and she asked, "Does the man pee on the woman?"
I said, "Sometimes, but that's $50 extra."

Believe it or not, I didn't get that for a second or two.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
To who?
To whom.

Just in case...

I don't have pet peeves...
I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!

This illustrates household debt...

Voodoo Sex Ceremony Sparked Deadly Blaze.
(You think those words have ever been arranged that way before?)

One of my very own...


I had lunch today at an outdoor cafe with my wife. There were several other women with us. Then, all of the sudden, my wife screamed, jumped up and started to slap her ass. She immediately ran in her store next door and after a few minutes came out and declared that she had been stung by a bee.
I said, "Damn, woman, I haven't seen you move that fast since that time I tried to stick it in your.......Oh, never mind."
Every woman there, being married, died laughing.

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