About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, March 14, 2011


The "War on Drugs" has to be the dumbest thing our country has ever done...second only to alcohol prohibition.
For you folks who sit at home and watch game shows all day, the WAR IS OVER!
Give it up. We send more people to jail than any other country. JUST LET IT GO.
We will survive.

Think about it a moment. Many states allow pot.
Most have books in their libraries like this one.
Give it up, people.

This kind of says it all.

Speaking of penises...
Men love their penises...and it starts very, very early...
We men actually have to deal with issues addressed in the cartoon below...

This image is interesting. In artwork from Greece, the warriors fought naked, and they all had hard-ons. I have talked to a man who was in the first wave of mobile armor to sweep into Iraq during Gulf War I and he said, and I believed him, that each and everyone of them had a hard-on. Further, his superior said that if you didn't have a hard-on, then you were the weirdo.

Now there is a T-shirt that you can purchase that will actually advertise the size of your penis. I think it's a great way to identify who is and who is not a liar.

Some people get all uptight over penises. Check this out.

Men think about their penises so much that they find this simple construction instruction extremely funny.

And this may look like a leg to you women, but to men....
well, we read it otherwise.

A man will, from time to time, stick is dick in ANYTHING.
Now, they deliver....BRILLIANT!

Yeah, if we see it, we more or less wonder what it would feel like to we stick our dick in it...

As most of you know, men think about sex about 17 times a minute. We could apologize, but what's really the point?

A guy can't even see the word DICK without smiling; and when juxtaposed with B.J.'s, well, we wreck our fucking cars.

When we are alone, we seldom keep our hands off our little friend. 

Most of us are not as honest as the guy below, but we men would rather masturbate than eat, and if we can do both at the same time we are particularly smug.

Then you have a mayor of a town object....OBJECT...to this sculpture, when we all know he will have his hand on his dick as soon as his secretary leaves his office.

Of course, for a man, the only thing better than touching his own dick, is to have a woman touch his dick. To have multiple women touch your dick at one time....well...legends are made...

Men know that women have substitutes for penises...

But we also know that plastic look-a-likes don't produce babies.

And even the crude term for this most valuable life fluid, Cum, is showing up in gameshows.

Men's fixation on their penises makes looking at an image like this a slam dunk for a sexual fantasy.

But men are not alone in having an obscene fascination with body part.....take breasts.
That is a corset that will more or less "invent" cleavage.
Men, no matter how old, NEVER get over their fascination with clevage.

We even think the word boob is extaordinary...

And we can spot the word TITS from across the room when it's in font 10.

So, ladies, when one of your sisters says to you, "I just leaned over and that old man looked down my blouse", you quote me....and get it right......FUCK YOU!

And men NEVER get over this shit...
But when we see cleavage, we are not thinking about the little crack made when two breasts meet.  No, no, no. Here's what we are thinking about...
But what if the tables were turned? What if men dressed in such a way that you women could not resist looking?
So, be forewarned, if you have ANY cleavage, then men WILL look at it....period.

I read the article about just such things. Doctors followed hundreds of men for 40 years. Half of the men were given instructions NOT to look a breasts. The other half were told to look at breast whenever possible. The study stated that the men who looked at breasts were much more healthy than those who were instructed not to look.
My take on this is that the sick fucks' bad health was due to the guilt of looking even though they promised they would not.

Then there are butts. Men also can't keep their eyes off a round butt.
Now women have abandoned just wearing very, very tight butt-covering garments, to just showing the whole damn thing. When I was growing up women spent a lot of time keeping their underwear OUT of their crack.
Now Japanese scientists have figured out the very best scientific way to catch that glimpse of your co-worker's butt.

The problem with women's butts is that they seem to......well...swell at an abnormal rate. It's kind of like one day she looks normal, then the next...well, they grow one or two other butts that just sticks out from the first round butt, then gravity takes over and....DAMN!  Let me tell you a story....

After being married for a few years, my wife and I purchased a hot tub. The first time I settled into the warm water and watched my wife join me, the first thing I noticed was how much the water level rose.
Later I asked her what the fuck happened to her ass and here's what she told me:
"It's the shampoo I use. It says right on the label FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY."
I said, "Maybe you should use Dawn Dishwashing Soap. It says, DISSOLVES FAT THAT'S OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."
(I made that up)

Men will also stare at legs....nice legs...
This advertiser knows that all too well.....BRILLIANT!

Speaking of impressions...

One of my very own....


Yeah, I get email....

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