I'M TOO BUSY FOR A REAL POST...SO TAKE THIS..

A WORD THAT I'VE NEVER USED OR TYPED UNTIL NOW:  epigamic - Attracting the opposite sex, as the colors of certain birds.

Success is just like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, but nobody knows how many times you were fucked.

TRUE: A federal judge just ruled that having an open WiFi doesn't make you liable for your neighbors' misdeeds.

"As long as every question is answered with the word god, scientific inquiry is simply impossible."

A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones that need advice.

The top of the toilet tank is not the best place to put your phone set on vibrate.

Had a great new drink today. It was called the Bin Laden - 2 shots and a splash of water.

"I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married. Did you?"
"I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

TRUE:

TRUE:

TRUE:

TRUE:

TRUE:

If heaven outlaws this, what's the fucking point?

TRUE:
"How many more gay people does god have to create before we ask ourselves whether or not god actually wants them around?" asked Minnesota state Rep. Steve Simon.

I've seen this look on my daughter's face a thousand times...

One of my very own....

WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE SLUTS,

BUT PROBABLY AREN'T...