SHIT I BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW....UNTIL NOW: Part III

I visit a whole bunch of science sites. All the real stuff below is true. The unreal stuff is not.

LYMPH: To walk with a lisp.

My brain has two parts: the left and the right.
In my left, nothing's right.
In my right, nothing's left.

Disappointing, that...


The wife has been missing a week now. Police said I should prepare for the worst. So I went to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you died you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."

Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until my doctor stuck his index finger up my ass. Do you think I should change dentists?

I have a question....

 What the fuck is that arch made out of?!?!

(I don't believe that last one. I don't think Nagasaki was destroyed by the tsunami)

I saw a poor lady get hit by a car today! At least I assume she was poor...she only had $1.20 in her purse.

Is this true?

The Dalai Lama walked into a pizza shop and said, "Can you make me one with everything?"

Yes, I think someone will kill me while I'm washing my face.


This is that hero I posted a while back...

I found out his country erected a huge statue to him...

TRUE: "Richard Nixon, were he alive today, would probably feel vindicated and envious that all the crimes he committed against me - and which forced his resignation - are now legal." - Daniel Ellsberg


An artist covered the walls and such with over $100,000 in one dollar bills...

TRUE: At some point in their lives nearly all humans experience pinworms; a parasite that causes itching around the anus. To determine if you have an infestation, have a partner gently touch around your anus with tape while you sleep, when the worms are most active. They will stick to the tape and should be visible.
( First, that's fucking hilarious...like you can remain asleep while someone rips fucking tape off your asshole. Second, read the last sentence. It reads as if your "partner" will stick to the tape.)


Guess what these are made out of....

Yeah, I missed it too....I thought it was Rubik's cubes...

The chances of the lobster having the rare gene mutation to turn it blue is one in 10 million....but it's true....

Two wild elephants have killed a man after rampaging through the streets of the southern Indian city of Mysore.

 (Mysore?!?!....sore, hell, it killed him)

Speaking of reptiles....

 This is a ninety-year-old Galapagos Tortoise that just became a mother for the first time.

It was stated that this is the first time a photo of the space shuttle has been photographed while docked to the International Space Station. Who took the picture?

In New York they used to vend baked potatoes. 

Yummy.

TRUE:  In some African country, protesters are sprayed with pink dye to "embarrass" them. (that's what it said)

One of my very own...

WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE SLUTS,

BUT PROBABLY AREN'T....

And this just in from alert reader, James....

Why don't they just go naked?


My wife has suggested that my posts are much too long. I will try to shorten them...I know you all are very busy. Sorry.