FOLIO OLIO: EXPRESSIONS THAT SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES

A JOKE
Customer at Barnes and Nobles: "Excuse me, miss, do you have that new book about men with short penises?"
"I don't think it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's it. I'll take two copies."
(I dare you not to repeat that joke)

That young man just: A) Scored a touchdown to win the championship, or B) Blew up a family of six in a 1964 Ford mini-van with an RPG.

TRUE: Charlie Chaplin once participated in a Charlie Chaplin look-a-like contest...and lost.

FERN WARRIORS....don't fuck with them.

The best thing about owning your own home is holding the fan in place so it twitches helplessly and makes that clicking sound without your mom yelling at you.

As most of you know, I don't do cats. I hate cats.
I posted this cat because it looks terrified and terrified cats are so cute.

"How do you feel about abortion, Mom?"
"I don't know, why don't you ask your sister."
"But, I don't have a sisssss....."

If you EVER find yourself facing a dog with that look in his eyes, DO....NOT....CONTINUE. You have been warned.

I think that we ought to just cut to the chase and have an annual Vagina Beauty Pageant.

This is a strange image. I assume there is an app for it, but I've never seen one before, so.....

These people used the old "camera in a cooler trick" to be balooned into outer space to take pictures.

Only they put the face of Steven Colbert in front of the lens...

I like Steven Colbert. He's from South Carolina you know.

Drugs have given me a stronger appreciation of nature.

Bill Fucking Murray....hell, yeah!

Koala farts smell like cough drops...look it up.

I'm married to a blonde woman. I am here to state as a fact that she is not stupid.

I killed a 12 pack just....to....watch....it.....die.

"We don't take Grandpa out anymore."

This is the kind of shit that happens when a man outlives his wife.

Worse pick-up line ever: GET IN THE VAN.

I bet if you asked this man if it was worth it...he would say it was. Men are like that.

Yes, that is Al Pacino and no, I don't know why...

There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are supposed to be doing something else.

Hatters gotta hat.....

I've had this image in my file for a long, long time, but never had a post to use it. It doesn't even fit in this post, but he just looks like such a nice guy.

TRUE: In a 2004 episode of Sesame Street, Cookie Monster said that before he started eating cookies, his name was Sid.

Oh, look, it's Albert...

I was working out in the gym and asked the trainer what machine I should use to impress younger women. He told me to use the ATM machine in the lobby.

Well, the cops seem to be enjoying themselves...

Have you ever wanted to meet yourself and see yourself from someone else's point of view? Yeah, me neither.

"Whaaaaat?"

My young daughter once asked me why her eyes shut when she sneezed. I told her that if her lids weren't closed, the force of the explosion would blow her eyeballs out and stretch the optic nerve, so her eyes would flop around on her cheeks and she'd have to aim them with her fingers to see anything.

This is a re-post, but it's a hell of a photograph....

The USA should invade the USA and win the hearts and minds of the population by building roads, bridges and putting locals to work.

I watched a movie last night that had that old woman from "Titanic" in it. She was marvelous.

This is arguably the best football player in the game...that is all.....

If you don't know who this is, it's okay, it really is....

HINT: Her boyfriend was Bobby McGee.

I look forward to paying off all of my debts, and finally getting back to just being broke.

Oh, look! Playboy bunnies "Plank" for Mr. Hefner.

Now planking is passe'. This is the new rage.

It started when someone found this old photo...

POSSIBLE TRUE FACT: The FDA allows an average of 30 insect fragments and one rodent hair per 100 grams of peanut butter.

Look at the expression of the guy on the right.

The American Woman....hell, yeah....

Don't sweat the petty things.
And don't pet the sweaty things.

Does anyone know anything about this? It arrived to me sans information.

Everybody needs a hobby, I guess....

This is the photo that gave me the idea for a post about facial expressions. Why.....WHY is this man so pissed off???

If you are sitting in this car, you are going to regret not wiping the windshield yourself...

This is a repost of one of the looniest images I've ever seen...

This is why you don't marry cousins....his name is Scurvy and he doesn't know why...

It humbles me that so many people want something that I was lucky enough to be born with...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I'm having an out-of-money experience.

This is included in the "Something for everyone" department...

??????????

Check out the different expressions on the faces of the guy in the yellow shirt and the cop....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Oprah on a bathroom cam...

I can't wait to see which Republican candidate will terrify me into voting for Obama again.

I will never...NEVER get tired of candidates eating dick shaped food...