PEOPLE NOT LIKE ME AND YOU

What are the fucking odds......

CATS: If you really want a needy yet aloof being living with you, give that orphaned Korean grad student a call.




Well, at least he has a girlfriend...

It only hurts until the pain goes away.




HOLY MOTHER OF FUCKING GOD!!!!!

Chances are you are already surrounded by mindless, bloodthirsty, half-alive, subhuman wretches. An actual zombie outbreak would just give you an excuse to do something constructive.




HOLY MOTHER OF FUCKING GOD!!!!

(not that there's anything wrong with that)

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.




Hardhats must be worn by all workers...

People are not vegetarians because they love animals.
They are vegetarians because they hate plants.




Here, miss, let me help you....

An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.




Not a fucking clue....

When my daughters were young, every day I made them stand in the closet for three minutes without moving. I called it elevator practice.




Pleeeeeeeez......

Well, at least he holds a strong opinion on the matter...

We all basically go back to being children in the dentist's chair.




This is a foot long splinter sticking through his leg.
We call that being highly motivated...

Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.




Well, it could be worse.....................HOW?!??!?!

Well, played, 
Muk'a(click, click)fic'a(click)g'eeda(click,click), 
well played....

Clones are people two.




We humans are so easily entertained...

Cool crossword puzzle clue:
Contraction with two apostrophes....
_ _ _ _
(good luck)

Warning: If you get caught by the police for doing this, you could find yourself on a sex offender list for the....rest....of......your......life.

Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.




No.

No, no, nononononono....

I can't bear it.....

Dear Ladies,
If your bra and panties match, we don't give a shit...honest.
Sincerely,
Men


I've taken up a new hobby....

At least he died..............happy....

TOONS OF THE DAY....

One of my very own.....

For crossword answer highlight: [ I'd've ]




NAKED BATHERS WHO LOOK LIKE SLUTS,
BUT PROBABLY AREN'T....

TRUE: A friend is getting married and is therefore cleaning out his house in preparation of his bride's arrival. He brought a truck load of stuff to my wife's store just to get rid of it. One of the items was a door frame hanging sex chair....which is an item none of my wife's stores can sell even though it was "Never used". But as soon as my wife mentioned this (rather humorous) gem, my female bartender spoke up without hesitation that she wanted it. 
Yeah.....I know cool people.
(I love all the people involved, by the way)