PEOPLE I WOULD LIKE TO MEET...OR NOT...YOU DECIDE

FROM THE DESK OF UNCLE RALPH
Who decided that eggplant was edible? What desperate, starving caveman looked around his depleted cave and found the one remaining uneaten item....and it was an eggplant. So he bit it and he didn't die, thus proving that it wasn't toxic.
So, it that the yardstick; if it's not toxic then eat it? I think you will agree, that's setting the fucking bar pretty damn low.  It certainly isn't taste. That cavemen didn't chew and think, "My, that's a tasty morsel. I wonder what took me so long to try it."
No, what he probably thought was, "This tastes like shit, but, alas, since I can't dip my arrowheads in it I guess I could eat it when I have run out of every other known living and non-living non-toxic item on the whole fucking earth."
Or not.

PEOPLE INTERACTING WITH AUTHORITY

Christmas is the only time of the year in which a sane person can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of a sock.


Aren't those the cutest dimples you have ever seen?

No one looks back on their life and remembers the night they got plenty of sleep.

Interesting this...

As children get older they will let the monsters into their beds.

More on these magnificent bastards later, at the very end...

He might have given this tactic just a little more consideration....

Restraining orders are just another way of saying I love you.

He even has his own fucking Christmas sweater!!!!....right up there with Jesus and Santa....

Every time I see that somebody spelled a word wrong, I look down at the keyboard and see how close the letter is to the letter that's supposed to be there, to see if it's socially acceptable to misspell said word.




GAMING

These are tiny little quail...

These are hundreds of Afghans betting on quail fights...

QUAIL FIGHTING?!?!?!?!
No wonder they have defeated every fucking army ever to dare set foot on their land.


I don't fall down when I drink....I just conduct random gravity checks.

It seems that people, no matter where they live, will find something to gamble on...

You never know what you have until......you clean your office.

Strip beer pong takes betting pleasure to whole new heights...

If time is money, then is an ATM a time machine?




PEOPLE THAT AIN'T FROM AROUND HERE

Foreigners do things we don't do here in America. That's why we call them foreigners......duh!

These sized fish go for thousands and thousands of dollars.

(and as I understand it, they eat it raw.....RAW!!!)


I used to tell my daughters that spaghetti was just long ass rice. Now that I think about it, they may still believe that shit.

If you asked this man why he has a limb in his mouth while his blind folded friend attempts to slice a watermelon on another man's bare stomach, I will guarantee you he would say, "That's the way we've always done it."

I have such low self-esteem that I end up going home with the ugly girl.......in my fantasies.


Those zany chinks....

Diabetes has increased dramatically over the past 20 years, which just proves that diabetes is caused by global warming.


Well, it looks like somebody sampled some of that poppy shit while smuggling it over those mountains....

If your pants are on fire, being a liar becomes the least of your problems.

Who's the clown in the weird get-up?
Guess how many of these men do not have internet connections.....

I can't let that image go:
Guess which one takes drugs.
Guess which one can juggle.
Guess which one has never been and will never be married.
Guess which one has visited America.
Guess which one was voted most likely to be butt raped in the locker room.


TRUE: The word "set" has the most definitions of any English word with a whopping 464.
(I haven't actually counted them....I kind of rounded off)

If I were awarded a prize for laziness (which I richly deserve), I'd probably send someone to pick it up for me.
(HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!)

Well, this has got to be embarrassing.....

Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank.
Give a man a bank and he can rob the world.

How delightful...

You can love your country without having to love your government.

If I pointed this out to her, would I then have to stone her?

Check this out: Not only does 12+1=11+2, but the letters "twelve plus one" rearrange to give you "eleven plus two".
(well, I was impressed)

DREAMT is the only word in the English language that ends in the letters MT.

Think about it. Each person's photo will look pretty much like this one.

And not only that, how would you like to be one of the other pictures in the room.....the ones that are forever being ignored. Bummer, that.


I had a wet dream about you last night.
You got hit by a bus and I pissed myself laughing.




AMERICANS

There's a "Money Talks" joke in here somewhere...

SILENT and LISTEN are spelled with the same letters.

I ordered and the bartender said, "You want the cancer?"
I said, "What kind of thing is that to ask an old man?"
Then she held up a bottle and a can of Bud Light, "Can, sir?"

If someone found a list of everything we have ever Googled, we'd be screwed.


Wouldn't you just love to watch this bitch put on a sweater?

TRUE:  There is a 4.4 billion year old rock in Australia.
The earth is 4.54 billion years old.....more or less.
(they know that cause they Googled it)

We Americans make more porn than any other country...

This ain't it....

If you search for "elgooG" on Google it will take you to a website that is completely backwards.


Why in the name of Sir Isaac Newton would anyone want to prove it again?

Someone tried to explain Twitter to me, but my "why would anyone want to do that?" argument was pretty much bulletproof.

And Americans loooooooove our cats....

Damn, girl!! You need fucking help more than anyone I've ever met!!!


It's too bad that wars aren't fought by the assholes who start them.


I got nothing wrong with this....as long as it's the kid's idea...

Facebook is the second most popular word that starts with "F" and ends with "K".

Check out the look on his face...HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I know you think you're interesting because you have an accent, but a drunken slur is not an accent.

So wrong....so very wrong...

And now you are on the internet.....aaaaaaaall over the fucking world.

You got a problem with dat?

No, Barbie, you look just precious.

This man has over 15,000 email addresses tattooed into his flesh. He shooting for (no pun intended) 150,000.

See anything..........odd?

 Let me give you a hint....

TOONS TO AMUSE...

One of my very own...

AND NOW THE FIRST, AND PROBABLY LAST SURVEY HERE ON FOLIO OLIO.

Please leave a comment if you think bras are necessary.

First, the vile garment in question:

CONS:

It costs money.

You have to pack them whenever you travel.

You have to wash them.

They are uncomfortable.

They are not natural.

And women look silly in them.

PROS:

None.

Now the un-bra.

CONS:

None.

PROS:

They costs nothing.

You don't have to pack them when you travel.

There is nothing to wash.

They are comfortable.

They are very natural.

And women look magnificent in them.

And then this "side" benefit....

AND ON A SERIOUS NOTE, THERE'S THIS...

I'm going to leave these last images without comment.

Think of it as a time line...

TRUE STORY:
My bartender at the American Legion once observed, "Hey, look, two WWII vets sitting at my bar at the same time."
One of the old guys looked at me and said, "If I knew then what I know now, I would have sold everything I had and hid out in the North Carolina mountains until the whole damn thing was over."
What must this kind and gentle man have seen and done? Damn!