PICTURES WITH CAPTIONS...ALWAYS A CROWD PLEASER

This has got alcohol written all over it....no pun intended.

Stop pretending you are Canadian. Just stop!


This little fellow is one of the newest memes.

When you wish upon a star, you're a few million light years late. That star is dead...just like your dreams.

 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!

This is my light saber. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

Show me a man who's not afraid to get his hands dirty,
and I'll show you a man who works for an even more successful man.

Life is like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely.
Then women make it hard.

I told my wife that if I were a zombie, I'd eat her the most.

Speaking of....

"Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge"

"Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over"

Survey finds most annoying word and/or phrase in America.
Whatever - 38%
Like - 20%
You know - 19%
Just sayin' - 11%
Seriously - 7%
Get your hands off of me old man or I'll call the cops - .0871%

You know, for two hundred fucking dollars I might watch a guy choke his chicken....just sayin....


Because of my white beard, children often confuse me with Santa Claus. This year I just smile, kneel to one knee and whisper, "The North Pole is just a suburb of Beijing."
Then I "Ho, Ho, Ho" and wink at the sobbing child.
Life is good.

Exigology: A statement whose converse is its own explanation.
Here are a few examples:
 - Politicians never do what my group wants, so I never vote.
- Life is short, so I'm eating as many bacon sandwiches as possible.
- Girls aren't interested in me, so I don't see why I should care about hygiene.


Ladies and gentlemen, the biggest asshole IN THE WORLD!!!

SAID TO BE TRUE: Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

You want to start your own church and make a bunch of money? Just tell everyone you had a vision and the lord almighty wants everyone to start touching themselves more.

Once a year, soldiers in the National Guard have to go out and live in the woods for a couple of weeks. They are allowed to bring no alcohol with them. Yeah, right. 
Hiding bottles in tank barrels is a favorite, but they ALWAYS find ways to get booze out into the field.


There is a very thin line between sexy eye contact and creepy staring. You should probably figure out where it is.

When we got married, my wife told everyone that I was Mr. Right. I told everyone she was Mrs. Always Right.

Believe it or not, what color round goes where is very important. You might want to look that shit up.


The only good reason to ride a bull is to meet a nurse.

A: Hitler was the best at being the very worst.
B: Hitler wasn't THAT bad...I mean he killed Hitler.
C: Yeah, but let's be fair here, he did also kill the guy that killed Hitler.

I find that a duck's opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether or not I have bread.

I like people like I like coffee.........I don't like coffee.

(that shit is illegal in South Caroliana)


Dear America,
That's not your stomach rumbling.
It's your arteries whimpering.

WISDOM: The young man may know the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions.

WARNING: This site contains images some people may find offensive.... especially art lovers.

"Any quote by anyone, ever."
- Anyone, ever.

I have no idea what this means...

I like making bad decisions. Life's more fun that way.

 Not that there's anything wrong with that.

...every fucking day.

Or right....you decide.

There are 5,000 types of snakes.
4,998 of them live in the South.

There are 10,000 types of spiders.
All 10,000 of them live in the South.

Have you ever awakened in a dumpster?

My wife couldn't believe I read her diary. I told her I didn't know it was her diary. I thought it was just a very sad, badly written, hand written book.

My buddy posted this on his Facebook account:
I just blocked every follower that I wouldn't have sex with.
If you can read this, meet me at Denny's.

 Not that there's anything....okay, maybe.

We must not judge people by the color of their skin, but by their annoying personalities.

Good luck to your team in whatever Whogivesaratsass Bowl they are in.

Once upon a time, an angel and a devil fell in love.
It did not end well.

I hate having to read people's personal stupid advice on the internet......and irony.

Advice to the World,
Blame everyone but yourself. It works.
Sincerely,
America

(I like everything about that)


TOONS TO AMUSE...

One of my very own...

NAKED WOMEN PLAYING WELL WITH OTHERS...