FOLIO OLIO: FUN WITH LANGUAGE

My wife thinks that me wearing a frayed shirt will make people think she is a bad wife.
If you are a person who thinks my wife is a bad wife because I wear a frayed shirt, then fuck you. You are fucking it up for the rest of us.

Winning can only be accomplished if someone else is losing. Get over it.

The first thing I do when I realize that I'm lost is turn down the radio.

Life is ephemeral, so don't waste it looking up big words.

You didn't really look up ephemeral did you?

Please, dear god, tell me this next thing is not for the last guy....

I like my coffee the way I like my women.....without a penis.

The Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourist. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6 foot mouse is real.

Just say no to negativity.

Indeed.

I'm convinced that my dog is an alcoholic. The other night I caught him laying under my desk singing Danny Boy in that throaty half howl, half bark he uses when he's got a really good buzz on. I would cut him off, but I still need him for my partner at the Tuesday night dance contest at the American Legion and he flatly refuses to participate sober. His tango is fucking awesome.....he leads.

These are a toaster's settings....

I only drink on days beginning with "T":
Tuesday
Thursday
Today
Tomorrow
Thaturday
Thunday

You don't have to read all of this, I just thought the picture was freaky as shit...

I once asked for a wake-up call at a hotel. The next morning the phone rang and the guy said, "You've done nothing with your life. Get your shit together."
It worked. I tipped the guy handsomely.

Define "Engaged"!

Poker constantly tests my skill against my opponents luck.

If I ever owned a bed and breakfast I would name it Dick's Half-Way Inn.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

What if we were constantly high and drugs were temporarily showing us reality?

There are hundreds of these remakes...

A repost....but I still like it.....

Sitting around the poker table with my young mural crew I told one of them 'To be old and wise, you must first be young and foolish'. When he nodded that he understood, I added 'And if that is true you're going to be the next Yoda'.

Get it?

This reminds me of the huge sign on top of a warehouse on the landing approach to Cincinnati Airport and it said:

WELCOME TO CLEVELAND.

Why? Because I can, that's why.

I read that 6 year olds laugh an average of 300 times a day, whereas adults only laught 15 to 100 times a day. That's why I kick every 6 year old I come across.....to even the score for the rest of us.

This is kind of a big deal. I know that each across and down word is a real Latin word, but why anybody would give a shit eludes me....