MOSTLY FUNNY STUFF DAY

Have you ever seen a McDonalds under construction? Me neither. They just sort of appear.

Fuck salmonella. I'm so eating that cookie dough.

The story of Hanukkah seems more made-up than the story of Festivus.

 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!

GROANER OF THE DAY:
I gave my dead batteries away....free of charge.

A repost that still makes me smile...

Seriously, why do so many people put up with the bullshit for so long? It's like everyone forgot how to operate their bullshit detector.

If you don't know anything about Scientology, you might want to do just a little research....

Christians: Keeping hide and seek interesting for over 2000 years.

You women might want to write this shit down somewhere...

Love: An evil trick played by nature to get us to breed.

"Iran can easily close the Strait of Hormuz." - Iranian Vice President Mohamed Reza Rahimi
"There will be no disruption." - US Fifth Fleet
(I know where I'm putting my money)

My wife asked me to kiss her here it smells funny, so I took her to New Jersey.

BRAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHAAAAAAA!!!!!!


People who tell me to live life to the fullest have obviously never seen my retirement check.

For all you people who talk about the bible being the most beautifully written book of all time...

Now you will never be able to eat calamari again without thinking about good old 1 Samuel 18:27....and me, of course....

If your problem is figuring out how much to tip the doorman, resolve to shut the fuck up in 2012.

You have your deer feeder, I have mine....

TRUE:
My buddy, Tommy, ordered some stuff for Christmas that never arrived, so he called the company's "Customer Service" number.
After explaining the problem the woman said, "Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do about it?"
Tommy said, "Well, either send me my stuff or send me my money back!"
She said, "I would if my cheating husband hadn't run off with the the goddamn checkbook."
She called back later to apologize.
(remember...that is a true story)

TOONS TO AMUSE....

One of my very own....

THE END IS IN SIGHT...