PLACES AND THINGS

Welcome to Detroit....

Do you think that cavemen stumbled across something like this and realized the beauty?

The number one sexually transmitted disease is ignorance.

This urinal analyzes your pee....

Think about how many steps this would take...

Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones....or masturbate in the daytime.

The Republican field this year is just fucking silly....

How can this be?

White wine: Helping old ladies embarrass themselves for a thousand years.

I will never tire of this....NEVER!

Anybody know why this is a good idea?

Does a black guy use an ask to cut down a tree?

Have no idea what this is, but it looks like a movie scene where you hang one of these for "before", then remove it for "after".

My favorite part of winter is not living up north.

???????

Photoshop....yeah......

In the grocery store I asked for cashews and the man said, "Gesundheit."

How many cows do you see....there are five....

The difference between men and boys is the price of their toys...

Last night I watched a very bad indy film, but at the beginning it had a very upset young woman screaming obscenities at her boyfriend. But you couldn't hear her voice, instead there was an opera aria and the juxtaposition was delightful.

This reminded me of an introduction to an art lesson I thought up one time.

 I tried to prod the students to think about the different ways a pencil could be used to make art.

Walking across the room I demonstrated a straight line, and challenged them to think of another way to get from point A to point B.

It worked well.

 They would crab walk, carry someone on their back, roll, etc. Then we did the same with a pencil.

When I was in Paris I could sit and look at shit like this for hours....

I think my dog is ashamed of me.

A family knew that their now dead grandfather buried a jar with his predictions for the future in the chimney he built. It looked sort of like this.

 Well, the TV crew was there for hours when the jar was found and since it was poorly sealed, the paper was dust.

Bummer that.

I like everything about this....

Everything you've heard is true.

What could possibly go wrong?

Why is it called research when it's your first time searching for it?

This is called Dog Rock. I wonder why?

Nice....

Never do something permanently stupid just because you are temporarily upset.


Do want!

Another thing I've learned from porn is that double penetration always makes the girl smile.

I don't know much about it, but the internet seems to think that these things can't be destroyed....

 One gag had one type of phone along with this one and said, "Drop on floor....break phone" and "Drop on floor....break floor".

These are real words:
'tisn't
couldn't've
it'd've
they'd've

What a wonderful idea....

If I ever had a rock band I would call it "Free Beer". That way when people see a poster that reads: "Free Beer Tomorrow @9pm" everybody is gonna be there.

Here's another practical joke if you are into that sort of thing....

To bring attention to the horrors of SOPA, many websites are going to shut down January 18th. I think I'll join them.

Some of the world's fastest things....

My young daughter once asked me why it is called a "period". I told her that the entire nomenclature of menstruation centers around punctuation.
Exclamation point: A very strong period.
Question mark: When there's some uncertainty about whether it's beginning.
Comma: When you think it's ended, but it keeps going.
Semicolon: A very convincing comma.
What if you miss a period? Then you have a sentence without end; otherwise known as a child.

Oh, the irony....

Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.
(I sincerely believe that)

I saw what you did there....

This is called the Finnish Stove....

You cut the log with a chain saw, then drop some twigs and paper down the middle....

What is the difference between a good teacher and a skillful manipulator?
I kind of think there is no difference...especially with children.

Okay, I can maybe understand why the windows had to be relocated, but for the love of Bob Villa the one on the right isn't even plumb....

TOONS TO AMUSE....

Two cartoons that I really don't get. Any suggestions?

(Okay, on third look I finally got this one)

ONE OF MY VERY OWN...

 In the middle of a blow job, have you ever brought your girlfriend's head up to give her a long kiss so you could silently fart?

Yeah, me too.

 FLOOZIES WHO READ....