FOLIO OLIO: STUFF THAT AIN'T ALL THAT FUNNY

IMAGES I WISH I HAD HAD WHEN I POSTED ABOUT THESE TOPICS

I took a cab the other day. The driver told me, "I love my job. I own the car, I've got my own business, I'm my own boss, and NOBODY tells me what to do."

I said, "Turn left here."

Maybe, just maybe, if the Spanish hadn't wiped them all out, the Mayans would have completed their fucking calendar.

NO CHILD IS BORN HOMOPHOBIC.

If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace, you are probably stoned.

But we (you and I) can still laugh, can't we?

I've lost my will to fornicate with complete strangers.

My wife complained about the dust on my desk. I told her it was there to tell me where to put stuff back once I've moved it.

Look at this magnificent bastard. He shoots people in the head for me and you. He deserves our thanks. He deserves to be cut some slack.

All of that separation, all that pain, all that trama...he sacrificed for us....me and you.... personally.

Your cat spends all those hours staring out the window because all he ever wanted to do was poop outside.
You bastards.

You would think young straight guys would thank young gag guys for leaving all the girls for them.
(I wrote "gag guys", almost changed it, then thought it may be a beautiful Freudian Slip)

You think this is true? I'm clueless....

My new year's resolution is to stop saying "You go girl" to myself.

Not saying this is true....just something to think about...

Found this name in the newspaper today: TEOWONNA
(read that again outloud...it's funnier that way)

A comment about the Jefferson Bible posted by very alert reader Dylon.

This is one of our ancestors. He is a Neanderthal.

I watched a wonderful series on Nova last night...Walking With Cavemen.
One quote I will never forget: You don't have to fail to go extinct. You just have to succeed less often.
By the way, bipedalism is four times more efficient than walking on all fours.

TRUE: When I first discovered that I had hemorrhoids, the first thing the doctor asked me was, "Do you read while you sit on the toilet?"

I said, "Yes."

He said, "Don't."

What if all pedophiles have Benjamin Button disease?

I once saw an albino polar bear....but I didn't know it at the time.

The stupidest line in all of moviedom....

My favorite animal is bacon.

Swearing....something you never get right until you learn to drive.

TOONS TO AMUSE....

And remember folks, only 363 days left until everybody abruptly stops talking about Mayans.
(and more seriously...could there possibly be a Christian that thinks that a 2000 year old prophesy if foolishness?)

They are both fantasies, people, no matter how badly you want it not to be.

As a would-be writer, this is the best advise I have ever....EVER received.....