Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
(unless you are in prison)
When you say the word "poop", your mouth does the same motion as your butt hole.
The same can be said for the phrase "explosive diarrhea."
I'm not saying she's a slut, I'm just saying her spawn point isn't set to her own bed very often.
Dear Men,
Life without women would be a pain in the ass....literally.
A salon shouldn't advertise facials unless they are cool with the occasional misunderstanding.
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary....whose name, and/or species you can't remember.
Age 22 isn't when you become a woman. You become a woman when people fall out of your vagina.
I don't usually bang fat girls, but when I do it's because of Dos Equis.
Every time I'm sad, I imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate.
My toilet paper says it's 100% recycled.
Maybe we should all take a moment to seriously contemplate that.
90% of women don't like men in pink shirts.
Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.
It's a joke, not a dick. So don't take it so hard.
I'm going to party like it's my birthday.
Naked. Screaming. Covered in a woman's vaginal fluids.
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
They should throw parties.....with strippers.
Being a gentleman doesn't make you a pussy.
It gets you pussy.
I found another gray pubic hair today. Normally things like that don't bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.
Salons that advertise facials should expect the occasional misunderstanding.
TOONS ABOUT THE NAUGHTY BITS....
ONE OF MY VERY OWN....
GOOFY WOMEN SHOWING THEIR NAUGHTY BITS
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