About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, June 25, 2012

MONDAY



My present designated mate has been out of town for four days "working". Does this look like working to anybody?

This is a shrimp burger. It is very, very tasty. I just found out that a bar 1 1/2 blocks from my house serves them.
 There must be a god.

"Nobody ever takes me seriously," said the man with many deep thoughts about life and stuff to share.


Real men don't use the word "charming".
(Write that shit down)



Strange image, this....
 But let's not jump to conclusions....
You women amaze me. Like a guy is going to be dictated to like this. Like, us guys would have people we have never met dictate to us that we have to wear a ribbon around our neck, tied all the same way and the exact same length. Jeez.

LA in the 1930's....


I'm a cash guy, so the other day when I was trying to use my credit card and the exasperated cashier said, "Strip down, facing me," well..........we were both very embarrassed.





I said no to drugs, but they wouldn't listen.
Time isn't wasted when you're getting wasted.
Be happy, my friends.





I am in complete agreement that anyone with an advanced degree or honorable military service should have their citizenship papers stapled to their diploma or discharge papers.
But this is not about Mexicans. I'm more concerned about the Asians and Middle Easterners who come here, get a PhD and want to stay, but we send them home instead. Are we fucking nuts?!?


Ever seen this before? Probably not....


Lighten up, little fella, it's called humor and disrespect, which is often one and the same.

If I had 'em I would stare at 'em, too......


What a marvelous couple.....
I don't have a bucket list, but my fuck it list is a mile long.


I still enjoy these.....


Don't you hate it when on the same day you have your anus bleached somebody spills red wine on it?
(I find that very, very funny....but that might just be me)

This child is looking at something it doesn't understand. It's mind is processing all available information...
 I know this because mine....did it constantly.....
I hardly ever answered any of her questions. I would say that I wasn't sure, then add, "How do you suppose we could find out." It seemed to work....but probably not for everyone.

As I understand it, this really does work to reduce stress...
Which is a good thing...right......right?
But you can do the same same with a joint and not have to take your shoes off.......or look really, really stupid.


My wife failed her driver's renewal test. He asked her to back up 50 feet and she thought he said "Back up going 50."



Some people just like to see the world burn....

"Yes, children, I'm a commoner just like you."
 AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAA!!!
She's swallowed enough royal DNA to move up a rank.

Boy, these bring back some memories....


The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
Mark Twain....maybe.



Reach out and touch someone far, far, far away....


You guys may have enjoyed the warm winter, but I warn you, this summer will be hotter than a hooker's doorknob on payday.



Great idea, this.....


Why cellphone cameras were invented....


I am going to be cremated and my final wish is that my family place fireworks in my pockets.




Dear Gentle Readers,
Where else on the whole interweb are you going to find quality humor like this.......


The Internet: where men are men, women or women and children are FBI agents.



This doesn't surprise me one bit. It seems women will pay to have anything put on their faces if it is suggested it will make them look younger....
I will state again, the biggest mistake that males have made was to not persuade women that semen reduces facial wrinkles...applied directly or ingested. 


Why little women should not own big dogs...

Every plug needs this....

Half of the modern B-grade horror movies start out just like this....


So, to acquaint you with the intellectual horrors that are B-movie horror flicks, I "screen shot" to capture several scenes in the worst movie I have ever seen. Not to whine about it, but it took a long time to catch the pig mask and the hatchet and the blood and shit, then when I checked them out off the "film" was over, this was all I had....dozens of them....all the same....


Wouldn't you love to hear this conversation? I fear he is trying to use logic.....which, in this case, is a completely futile exercise...


The other day I placed my expensive big ass Mac computer on the bar in preparation for work on my "One of my very own's" and as the girl next to me watch, I opened it to discover the porn from the night before was still on the screen.



This woman knows how to shoot...
I mean that. She knows she is holding a powerful instrument and she respects it.


I wonder if those gondola polers in Italy get Venice elbow?




 How beautiful can one animal get?


I'm not one to brag about my financial prowess, but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding.



I love stuff like this table. I am proud to say that there is not one piece of furniture in my house with cheap veneer.....

I guess while he was in the house getting the shit out of his pants, he grabbed the camera....

Sneakers with built-in faux ankle bracelets....

No, I just think it's just insensitive marketing.
The people who you ought to be upset with are the stupid motherfuckers who bought them.


I have no idea.....


How long could you survive in Croatia?




War makes some people extraordinarily rich.
Should we worry about their political influence on whether we ought to go to war?
Yes.

Mini-skirts, the best style change ever....


What about the dyslexic guitar player who sold his soul to Santa?



Saw a whole series of this guy's work. "Do Epic Shit" was my favorite....

Darlin', you ain't got no panties on....


How many times do you think they did this before one of them said it was stupid and went off to do something else?


When I was young(er), my favorite part of sex was that moment when I looked deep into her eyes and wondered what the fuck her name was.




5,000 ducks......that is all....

And then there this...
Had a couple of people who seemed not to be impressed with my latest pistol. I offer you a visual...
The 2 1/2 inch cylinder of my 410/45 pistol on the bottom compared to a relatively powerful 38 special on the top...
I find it rather..........comforting. 



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