About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

SARDANAPOLIAN THURSDAY



TRUE: Went to the dentist office today. With the dentist and two nurses in the room, the doctor asked what I had been up to. I said, "I've been entertaining a lot lately."
"Oh, yeah?" he said.
I said, "Well, I call it entertaining. My wife calls it playing poker til two o'clock in the morning with five other equally drunk old men. But I find it rewarding on multiple levels."
It went over well.


The area of dumps like this is measured in the hundreds of square miles. There just must be a reuse.....

Some of my most favorite memories happened inside barns. I find it sad that so many people have never even been in one, much less naked....


Motion sensor hand towel machines never work, so I just end up looking like I'm waving hello to a wall robot.




We've all had cars we wanted to do this to, haven't we...


Most of the gifts I get are absolutely perfect for someone who's not me.




In the "Americans are very funny" department....


One way to conduct yourself during a riot....the humor approach....


The not-humorous approach...


The combination of the two....
That has drunkness written all over it.

My wife bought a carton of cigarettes, this was her bill.
I would have shit.


"How do you like that new jewelry I bought you, Beatrice? Be honest, now."


Those were the good old days...
Troublesome = muzzle.......damn!


This man has been asked to take a breathalyzer.... 
...notice cop breaking up.


Oh, the irony....



I wish there was an even lazier way than social media to wish someone a happy birthday.






Okay, pay a-fucking-ttention.......
(You can't make shit like that up)


I'm open to an over/under bet on full legalization of cannabis.


Some people have beat me to it....

YES WE CANNABIS!!!

If there dare be readers of this blog who still think that weed ought to be a crime, I ask you to look at the damage done to Mexico, the money it costs us, the lives it ruins.
Are you telling me that smoking dope is worse than spending years in prison. Weigh it carefully; it's not an academic question to millions of Americans.


All this time and not once have I seen an image like this.


This is fucking true, boys and girls....

A couple of drawings I like....


Gentlemen, if you treat her like a princess, she will fuck you like a porn star.





The person I include this image for will know.....


Speaking of dogs....


Gay jokes aren't funny. Cum on guys.
I wanted to make a gay joke, butt fuck it.



TRUE: I knew a man who raised hunting dogs. The dogs were so well-trained that he could put out a big bowl of food, then call the dogs one at a time to eat. A dog would eat until told he had had enough, then it would return to the other dogs. Well, the man died taking a roast out of the oven. When he was found days later, the dogs had almost starved because the old man had not given them permission to eat.



In the "You Ain't Gonna Believe This Shit" department, this is a Shit Machine/Art Installation. You add any kind of food in one end and the machine processes it into a kind of turd.



Speaking of turds....
I heard the chief of police of NY say, "We will never forget 911." I thought, 'I should fucking hope not, it's your phone number'.



"There, we fixed it."


ONE OF MY VERY OWN....


Holy fucking Hindenburgs, ya'll!!!


Meanwhile in the land of Nope......No! Hell, no!


TRUE: When some asks me "Guess what?", I always guess and keep guessing until they ask me to stop.




Nice image.....
My wife multi-tasks. That is all.


Things like this amaze me. 
I remember when I started my blog, I had people telling me the "right" way to do it. One was to have a theme. I told them my theme was whatever the fuck I wanted to put in it and they laughed and said I was doomed. Well, no, it didn't turn out that way. And, thanks for clicking me on....I mean it....thanks.


If this woman is practicing for sex with her boyfriend, I gotta meet that hung motherfucker.....


Read a long post about job interviews. I thought this one the best.....
I like this, but you probably knew that...


People buy cheap "art" and alter them. I'm no so impressed with their efforts, but it raises an interesting lesson.
You see the man has two signatures in the lower right corner. Here's what that tells you; the man painted a picture, then through a photographic technique very similar to pictures in a magazine they produce tens of thousands of copies. He then sits for hours signing these pictures of his painting and sells them to you as a "limited" edition "print".
In my most humble opinion, you would be better off with blank walls rather than cheap knock-offs that would make a bum's cardboard box embarrassed.

Speaking of prints....


I live in the South. We calculate the freshness of our seafood in hours, not days or weeks.....


Ran across every phobia known to man. Here is a selection...



Why do we put up with this sort of thing day in and day out?


Transformer in the living room?


No, a very fancy wine rack...


My wife and I have officially set the dates of our roadtrip to Canada as next spring.....


If my blog offends you:
1. I'm sorry.
2. It won't happen again.
3. 1 & 2 are lies.





70% of dogs do not graduate college because of their tendency to eat their own homework.



No, I think mostly style is your ability to follow lock-step the fashion dictates of people far, far away who stand to make a whole bunch of money on you being obedient. 




Something I bet you didn't know.....


There is a reason they call pets domesticated animals and not wild animals who share your house....


Back to the washing of hands after urinating....
There are people who drink there own urine.
Just something to think about.


I Googled "Who gives a shit?" and was surprised that my name wasn't in the search results.





When I was growing up, I had a gun rack on my bike.




Woman desperately in need a boregasm.


Cats: How many are too many.





I once went to a Gay Pride parade to meet chicks. Ate a corn dog and then things got weird.





ANOTHER ONE OF MY VERY OWN...


My wife dances like her vagina is on fire.



Yes....yes it is and that is why I am asking everyone not to laugh. And if you did laugh, you should be ashamed of yourself.


Very clever, this.....


Sleepwalkers need not apply....


Look, kindred souls who use money in the making of art...


Of course, as with any endeavor, some are better than others....

A man makes money by drawing people as ugly as possible. This is the example I chose, but they are all equally impressive...

Have we all lost our minds?
Seriously, it would be funny if we didn't desperately need these people to solve real problems.


1 comment:

The Boy said...

as creepy as this sounds you dont have a list of phobias you have a list of paraphilias. i just did a presentation in my psyc class about this, and just a note, it was the weirdest thing i have ever done in school. paraphilia is the sexual attraction, arousal, or pleasure to things not considered "normal" sexual attractions. so just to put it this way, say a girl likes to be talked dirty to during sex, and that is an arousal, a "turn on" of sorts. but say that same girl not only liked dirty talk during sex but required it to reach a pleasure point, then in that instance it is a paraphilia. its essentially the attraction to shit your not suppose to be attracted to, like cucumbers, kids, and dogs.

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