About Me

My photo
I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

WEDNESDAY'S ENCHIRIDION



I had fun with this post. Hope you share my assessment.


If you don't know why this is funny, it's okay...it really is...


Well, I see I'm not the only one with a loathing of the bitch...


World, this is Max. Max, the world.....


I had no idea......

I used to be very, very good at the game "Astroids"....
 As a matter of fact, when you shoot a big rock it does not do as per illustration. It divides in half.
See, I told you I was good.



My wife spends so much time on-line that this morning I watched as she tried to shoo a fly off her screen with her cursor....and it worked!





What an interesting image....

I judge each of these on the EXACT same level of silliness..

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.



Speaking of mimes....

Speaking of blowing your brains out....
And as I understand it, this method is not successful much more often than one would think.


Have you ever partied so hard that the next morning you apologized to your liver out loud?


 Holy Instant Blindness, ya'll!!!


I love Wendy's burgers because they are never frozen. But today the contents shifted and I ended up eating two bites of only bun like a fucking animal.



Those zany Germans....


Want to have your own space? Just blame any social gaffe or mistake on bath salts.



It was stated that Mormons are commanded by god to sit down to pee. Is that true?


Never try to pick up a goat.



Traveling the back roads, I've seen hundreds of this sort of thing....


There are 7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate around 10 at the most and not all the time.



My wife has started hitchhiking again...


I consider memory impairment the free prize at the bottom of the last beer in the case. Blacking out is just your brain clearing its browser history.




Researched how to get a handgun into Canada for my upcoming roadtrip. Well, you simply can't take a handgun into Canada.
If you are going hunting, then you ship your rifle or shotgun to the lodge and when finished ship it home.
I think a baseball bat is my best option.

Thank fucking god!!!!


Every time I hear someone use a three dollar word I don't know, I interrupt them and ask, "Does that mean get naked and cut yourself?".....with a straight face; then wait.



See what you are missing when you don't travel....


I once owned a business called BYOB. A man commented that he had seen Bring Your Own Bottle and I corrected him; Be Your Own Boss......then added, which is basically the same thing.



I think this would have been much more effective had it been screwed directly to her sternum.....


It's "before" not "B4". You speak English, not bingo.



 No, my little friend, I think it was just an oversight.

All good things comes to he who.....nevermind....


I don't always put the lime in the coconut.




This is a sex toy invented in the early 1900's. I submit to you that it is still the greatest stimulator for a couple....


It was stated that the last words of Einstein were lost because his nurse didn't understand German.



Opponent helps member of other team over finish line.
I like stories like this very much....

Gestures like this are popping up all over the country. My wife has a whole section of one of her stores where homeless veterans can pick up a suit for a job interview...


This is supposed to be an English word with three apostrophes: Y'all'd've (you all would have)



Define "projection".....


Whenever I do something like forget to pick something up at the grocery store, I walk in the door and say something like this:
"I tried to steal some cigarettes in the grocery store and got caught and now I have to appear before a judge next Tuesday."
When my wife gets all upset I tell her I was just kidding, then add, but I did forget the eggs, and she is so relieved that I never get in trouble.



I like these kinds of things very much....


I'm more confused than a fifteen year old boy waking up on his grandparent's front lawn naked.




Notice booties so as not to scuff artwork...


I piss stupid people off.



You figure it out...

Next time you think of buying a silly straw hat, think of this child....

Holy fucking Jeffrey Dalmer, ya'll.....


I am two people short of a threesome.


 ??????


;) Winky faces are like the whores of smiley faces land.





I have a secret theme song I play in my head when entering a room. I invented it when I used to walk out on stage to give a presentation to a whole bunch of people. It works well.




The largest country in the world with nary a mountain...

 Do you suppose they rent by the hour?


Flood Behavior: Level - Weird....

Read carefully, my friends.....

Why do we ridicule people for things like this?
We all do it, so why should it be shameful?


We add chemicals to our underarms so we don't look like the other 90% of the people on the planet. Who in their right mind would think up something that diabolical? 


Then there's nipples...the forbidden body part. This young woman is wearing clothing that: Shows 90% of her flesh; the exact curvature of her ass and pelvic bulge; the size and shape of her breasts; but.....BUT, the sports bra has little pads so that nipples remain a mystery. Somebody please explain that me.


It was stated one time that in America you could rob a bank with a booger on your finger. You just pull your finger out of your nose and people would flee in horror.


Speaking of fingers....
The great communicator.....


I actually think of stuff like this from time to time....and that's not bullshit. You might want to try it....just sayin'.

"Magazine my ass...."

Fossil of two mating turtles....what a way to go....

I hope I'm never this stoned....
(in all honesty, the man my be trying to wash the basket, not fill it, but it's still a weird image)

Of course you are, Mr. Washington.....

 HAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAAAHAAHA!!!

Police in certain cities will pay $300 for ANY gun you bring them...no questions asked.....this is one of them...

Those zany Russians....




No comments:

Random Post

Random Posts Widget

Blog Archive