About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, July 2, 2012

MONDAY



LET'S START OFF WITH SOMETHING EXTREMELY SERIOUS.
The state of Texas is removing all critical thinking education from it's curriculum. Why? It was stated that critical thinking could challenge parental authority and traditionally held beliefs.
I am aghast!!! CRITICAL THINKING IS THE PURPOSE OF EDUCATION!!!!
I weep for the future.
You can take the redneck out of the trailer park, but.....

 (and if you don't, you can suck my dick)


So, apparently, Oreo ran a gay friendly ad....
And this....


I find it very interesting that homophobes are now being vilified just like homosexuals used to be.


"Oh, you are afraid gays will try to convert people to their own sexual orientation? What kind of horrible people would do a thing like that?"
(you might want to read that again)

You have lived to witness the whole nature of warfare change...


I don't "scootch". 





Consistency is not a real human trait.



I hate it when I'm putting on jeans and my foot goes through a hole I didn't even know was there.







If you are offended by my opinion, you ought to hear the ones I keep to myself.



Kid with down syndrome?
 (down)


More and more little kids are getting cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "Susie just shit herself again?"





Some people think NASA killed Michael Jackson because when you Google "Moonwalk" he comes up first.



Just one more reason I don't take public transportation...
 It's funny when I try to discuss the advantages of living in a small city. I'm always countered with the "culture" afforded by the large city. Then I ask if they go to the ballet, or opera, or symphonies, or art openings and they say no.  Go figure.

Pure mastery...


From movies I've learned that during police investigations it is necessary for the cops to visit at least one strip club.



Air Force's proposed new uniform...


In movies hardly anyone goes to the bathroom, and when they do they are usually dead within minutes.



This is a penalty kick. Does this still count?


This Independence Day I will proudly display my dependence on drugs and alcohol.


Oh, look, the goddess of fertility seems to be doing her job...
 What about this prick? What's his job....proctology?


If the Earth's life was compressed into one year, humans would have been around for two seconds.



Ever wonder what one million pennies would look like?


I wonder if I've met the woman I'm going to marry next.



Having a golf cart that I drive every damn day...this one makes my dick get hard....

Why do people shun these? I wouldn't want to put one on the interstate, but around town....sure.


Once the Zombie Apocalypse starts, I'm going to shoot everyone I've ever wanted dead....zombie or not.



Never knew there was such a thing but this is the opposite from albino, but it's true....


I'm not vulgar. I just happen to have a very colorful vocabulary. Fuck you very much.



 By enlarging parts of the photo he found a flag and two logos. From there to street maps, from there to the exact office and it's phone number.

Look at the guy on the right....like he gives a fuck...


Let's enjoy one of our last Independence Days before our complete dependence on China.


Back when they could smile....


I always piss in the middle of the toilet to maximize noise and assert my fucking dominance. 






The 3D movies I have seen are amazing. It's like I can actually see into the plotholes.



Another mouth to feed....
 Not photoshopped....make-up artist did it.


This July 4th I'm certainly not above a Jim Bean-fueled "U-S-A" chant.




If rednecks had been created first, that bitch would have thrown away the apple and eaten that fucking snake.





I think all locks should have a bold "DON'T FUCK WITH MY SHIT" engraved in them.



It seems that most of America is either flooded or burning up.

Independence Day reminds me how fortunate we are to live in a country that eschews violent street protests in favor of snarky blog commentary.





Be forewarned. When she says "light housework", it's not even close to "lighthouse work", which I though would be cool as shit.



I thought this movie (especially the Rip Torn part) was hilarious....


I predict that the next generation will loathe tattoos.



Waiting on Bardot....


I have a diary to keep secrets from my computer.



I never really thought about it before, but this is true...
Stop complaining. Everyone who died yesterday thinks you are one lucky sonofabitch.





To celebrate Obamacare I'm having unprotected sex with a homeless woman.



This is, of course, the shape of those old coffins... 
Do you have any idea how hard those angles are to cut? I know they want to use as little wood as possible, but a simple rectangle would be sooooooo much easier.

I have no idea...



God bless America,
Land of the free
Stand behind her
And guide her

Received this from a friend.......

Have you ever wondered why it's ok to show black women's breasts on mainstream TV and label it as "indigenous nudity," but not white tits?  What conclusions can we draw from this?


The "civilized" world (that which is equipped with iPods) views the unequipped "uncivilized" folk as animals.  Hence, black tits are equated to a cow's udders (indigenous = animal).  That is the implied message.  Just one more thing that goes unquestioned.  It's all tits to me.  I mean, what's the difference between Janet Jackson's exposed tit and a bushwoman's tit?  Money and technology.


And then there's this...


And lastly....


Some soccer images to remember after Spain eeked out a lucky win over my awesome Italians...






If you don't know who this magnificent bastard is, you should...

And then the interweb got a hold of him....






For you non-soccer people, this man scored two goals in a semi-final game...


Then for reasons I don't understand, his teammates wouldn't let him speak.....true....



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