About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

WEDNESDAY



They could always tell when his medication needed adjustment...
RIP you unpretentious bastard.


(I can't seem to let this thing go)



Women, would you rather we stare at our phones or your boobs. The choice is yours.
Your eyes?! Then why don't you use all that make-up to make them look like boobs?





Could someone tell me why this plan won't work....
The federal government could pay the companies 30% of all new employees' salary. More companies hire; the new employees spend money that is then taxed as income for the guy receiving it, etc, etc; and the federal government gets its initial 30% back when the new employee pays his taxes.




Boom!
(I would have substituted the word "persistent" for "great")


Want a laugh? Ask your jewish friends what "Asher Yatzar" is. Look at the expression on their face when they try to explain that every time they take a shit they thank god that their digestive system is working.





The best part about my wife being out of town is that I can sleep around. I can sleep around the right side of my bed, or the left, or, if I'm feeling daring, right in the middle, spread eagle......like I am master of my domain.





We live in a society where we have been convinced that we can buy ourselves happiness.
We can lay this squarely at the feet of Sigmund Freud's nephew, one Mr. Bernays, who invented public relations.
In the 1950's he changed our cultural spending habits from "need purchase" to "desire purchase", and we have never looked back.
Basically, he convinced us to buy stuff not because we need it, but rather it would make us feel better to own it.
It's an interesting story. You might want to look it up.


When my wife reads stuff like this, it always makes her middle finger get an erection....


Things that can't go on forever, won't.
(that was a social observation, folks. Don't take it lightly)


Federal Prison....go figure....
(you don't want to see what the winner gets to do to the loser)


This scherzando fellow is not shopped, folks....



Inspecting mirrors is something I could really see myself doing.



What we thought the Zombie Apocalypse would look like...
What it really looks like....


I like to hang out with myself cause there is no drama...and I don't have to wear pants. I don't like pants.



I want some of what he had....


If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonald's breakfast cut off time, there would be no problems.



Can I assume it included the body mass?


The man who can't visualize a horse galloping on a tomato is an idiot.



This kid should just go ahead and give up on that dream to become a Marine sniper....


I've got to stop saying "How stupid can you be", cause some people are taking this as a challenge....


You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to.



There's still hope for us, boys and girls.....


When war becomes obscenely profitable, I can guarantee you, you're going to see more of it.


So, if you want a war, what do you do?
You find a way to get the American people to agree to it.
WWI? - An American ocean liner was sent into a war zone after numerous warnings from Germany (printed in the NY Times) that there was no guarantee of its survival.


WWII? - Read this conversation between Roosevelt and his Secretary of War.... and note the date.
(and remember that we had broken Japan's code and ALL of our aircraft carriers just happened to be at sea)


Vietnam? - Gulf of Tonkin Incident?.....THEY JUST MADE IT UP...from scratch...knowing they would be found out, but by then we would be committed.


Iraq? - WMD's.
Are we all being played for suckers?


And I find this cartoon very appropriate following the above......


What could possibly go wrong........
It's as if the government wants to keep us stupid.
Have any doubts?
This is the drop in SAT scores after the federal government more or less took over public education.
(I have no proof that the above chart is absolutely accurate)


Presidents can start a war, lie, cheat, and bankrupt a country, but fuck an intern.....they'll get you for that.




Clever bastards....


Art installation?


Trying is the first step towards failure.



I don't know what he's trying to do, but he's doing it wrong...

Grown men on childrens' toys deserve this....




TRUE: This is from a photo booth that is only activated by a loud scream....

This model is made from bones.....human bones....

Yeah, I also thought this would end much, much differently....

How hot was it?
Those are all-time records, people.


Magnificent bastard....

I haven't a clue...


Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Monogamy is the same.



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!



A smart kid isn't the one who after studying hard gets an A, but the one who after not studying at all gets a C.



The Rapture?


A couple of my very own...
 (And on a personal note: This woman looks very much like the homeless woman who hangs out on my porch)




This was titled "Modern Rubbish"...I would love to know the story...


This probably has an interesting story behind it.
I could write a short story solely on this image.


3 o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
- Sartre




There's a dick in her mouth joke in here someplace....
The first threesome?

Read an article about how a spider spins a web between two trees. With a slight breeze they slowly let out silk which is carried over to the adjacent tree where it sticks. The spider then attaches the other end to the other tree. And then can walk back and forth. 

I'm a beer guy, but this is very hard to beat....

The juxtaposition of one headline with another picture...
My picture was on the front page of a newspaper with my story written beside it. Directly under my picture was another headline about a local suicide. My mother freaked.


Have you ever asked yourself why our government would not trust you with gold? You might want to read up on that shit.


And then there's this....
I heard on the news today that the proposed tax increase for the "rich" would only pay for 8 days of yearly federal spending.
That's just the fucking point.
Every increase in federal spending was preceded with "It's only a .5% increase", or a .05% and people laugh and pass the increase in spending. Then they do it again, and again and again, and all the sudden you've spent 205% of the federal budget.
Now when we want to actually pay the debt off, they are using the exact same argument to NOT PAY FOR IT! 
Everything is only 1% until you do it a hundred times!


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