About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, August 27, 2012

MONDAY 8/27/12



NEWSY STUFF



The most drug tested person on earth, then years later they found something? I just don't get it...
Let's show our solidarity with Lance by shamelessly riding our bikes while on drugs.





In 2009 we lost Michael Jackson. Now we've lost Neil Armstrong. We are quickly running out of moon walkers.




I may joke about the guy, but he is right up there with Columbus in my opinion.
And now we have more or less given up. I think the whole moon landing was just a big dick contest between the US and USSR, and now that we won we've taken our ball and gone home....so to speak.

Remember this?
 Well, let's see what the interweb has to say about it....


And then there's this....

A meme is born...


And not one Christ on Toast....

 But TWO Christs on Toast...
Royals.....we are asked to respect these pampered pricks...

And now our regularly scheduled idiocy....

I think the father at the table is Bill Nye, the science guy.

Elite of US paratroopers in WWII....

A real drill. Shut up and just take my money...

Have you ever urinated on a stranger by mistake, thinking they were your wife?




Wouldn't it be great if we still believed in cool motherfuckers like this?

August is the Sunday of summer.



Ooops......

Have a friend who swears he saw a man swallow a pool ball, then regurgitate it back up. I had my doubts, but he gave as evidence the ability to do this...


You know what's easier than applying sunscreen?

Not going outside.



He must be watching football...

Early on, there must have been some very awkward moments for the guy who first invented hugs.




TRUE: Just heard a commercial on TV with the words: "Made with authentic metal."




Remember before Facebook, when no one cared what you had for breakfast.....well, they still don't.




My wife's favorite game is to talk to me from four rooms away....she's always smiling when I track her down like a cat hearing a can opener.




Some drink at the fountain of Knowledge, others just gargle.




What if there were no hypothetical questions?



Could somebody explain this to me?

I used to tell my children that for every forkful of food they leave on their plate an African child drops dead instantly.




When I see a woman in the grocery store with bratty children, I slip a package of condoms in her buggy.




I'm afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.




So, which one of these young ones has the better parent?

Quality humor...our only goal...

Synonym = a word used in place of the one you can't spell.




Subtlety gets you only so far....

Check out the tail light...

I actually saw the whole film and as he lay on the roof his body burst out in flames....

I'm going to single-handedly fix the internet.




Resume' entry: I was the "Put The Cross Down Guy" for the Grand Poopah, 2001-2012....
BRAHAHAHAHAH!!


A honeymoon without a waterbed?

That's just crazy talk.



So I heard they are naming a new paint after your new girlfriend. It's called Whore Red. It's not very bright, but it's cheap and spreads easily.




Who the fuck is this "Moderation" everyone keeps telling me to drink with?





Speaking of...

God is love, but Satan does that thing with his tongue that you love so much.



Dogs be crazy...

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen."




What people SAY, what people DO, and what people SAY THEY DO are 3 entirely different things.



I could use one of these...

All I said was "Do you think they will get Def Leppard to do the closing ceremony for the Paralympics" and apparently now I don't deserve to live on this planet anymore.



That is what I look like every time I get a new remote.

If there is a douchier trend than keeping the brand sticker on your baseball cop, I am unaware of it.




A painted garage door...

Bitches be crazy....

Saw a photo essay about people being happy all over the world...here are a few entries...interesting their happiness had nothing to do with wealth or status....




This child is now married.....that is all.....

"You can't let women in the military," someone once said...

How come crematories never have a two for one sale?




This machine will shred ANYTHING....

I told my wife that she treats me like a child. She gave me a sticker for standing up for myself.


This is the way I look when I assumed we were going to have sex, but she's "not in the mood"....



Dear Beach Boys, It's been 50 years already, shouldn't you be men yet?




In Korea they converted one subway car into a small grocery so riders could shop on their way home....

My wife came home complaining that she had had a very rough day.

I told her to grab a beer and sit down.
She said she didn't want a beer and I said, "Who said it was for you?"




Nillionaire = someone have little or no money.




Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

I thought I was alone in my hatred of this "sport", but the interweb has spoken...

I can wear the same size pants I did in high school...


I've finally achieved my lifelong goal of having as many Tour de France titles as Lance Armstrong.




I'm actually a very nice person, until you piss me off.

(That is very true)


????



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