About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

TUESDAY 9/25/12






I can find a face in just about any random pattern...honest.

This is what I suppose happens when I walk into a room and forget what I came for....

"Should."
The world's most useless word.


???????

They did not provide an answer.....anybody?


This was titled "Enemy at the Door".....indeed....

Last weekend at the hotel, my wife and I would stand at the balcony rail overlooking the atrium and try to find the ugliest person.



I heard of a wife that introduced a family swear jar only an hour before telling her husband she was pregnant again.



A child can learn more life lessonsfrom owning a dog than their parents could ever teach them.



Go ahead and try this and you will be my bitch for the rest of the day.....

How corporate board meeting disputes ought to be settled....

I had one of these in my area when I was growing up. Like every group of boys ever to cross such a thing, it wasn't 30 seconds before we were dueling to see who could knock the other off...

TRUE: There is a prisoner waiting on death row who weighs 480 pounds. Do you think they fed him more than the other prisoners?



This is my biggest passion. Harm to a child makes me sick to my stomach....just sayin'....

Does this look normal to you? I find it astounding that half the population submit to this lunacy voluntarily....

Remember girls, you weren't born with this obsession. Madison Avenue planted this in your brain for no other reason than greed....


This revolver is operating properly. The space between the cylinder and the barrel is such that a whole bunch of gas is forced out...

Is this true?

Beer is my spirit animal.





I memorized the difference by picturing the stalacTite as a T and the stalagMite as an M, a visual solution has served me well.



There just may be hope for us after all...

This is a motorized skateboard....

This guy thought he had picked up the compressed air can...

A couple of things about ET you may not have known...


With the help of a friend I wrote my own marriage vows. He asked, "You want until death do you part?"
I said, "I don't want her to know it's an option."


This makes just as much sense as the other mythological bullshit....

What it actually translates to is "I want to fuck you in the ass."

Speaking of fucking you in the ass....

Don't grow up too quickly young people. Take time to just wallow in your youth....do stupid shit and just say Fuck It!

Passion. You gotta love passion....

I wonder if all those rioting Muslim extremists know that the average American couldn't find Egypt on a map and don't read the news about their outrage because we are too busy watching Honey Boo Boo, popping Cheese Doodles and generally not giving a shit.


This reminds me of drunk girls photographing themselves for Facebook...

Some new ideas that interest me...

"What's so fucking funny, Monkbitch?"

Cause just getting a job is just too damn hard....

Interesting that they left out NY....

Dear World,
Don't do this.
Sincerely,
The rest of us

I couldn't agree more....

Same object at different angles....

"Give me a hand, will ya?"

While in Walmart to buy more ammo, I walked through the television section and heard a man watching a cooking show mutter, "Yeah, those better be grapes, you bitch!"



That ought to look good on his resume....

This is the way I react when some asshole zooms up in the right lane and edges in front of me as I'm in a line passing a slower driver.....

My phone died just as I was going to take a shit. It was terrible! On a side note, Febreze contains no CFCs which are harmful to the ozone layer.



This is me when informed there's no smoking allowed even on his porch...

Southern girls - The kind of girl you can take home to meet mom, but outdrink your dad.


It's brass knuckles with a built-in gun....

Couple of interesting new products...

And it's only this big.....

Somebody's been thinking real hard again. I bet he thinks this is a godsent.....

If you've never lived with a woman going through menopause, this will make no sense to you....




5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your riddle is missing punctuation.
"What" is a four letter word. etc.

Scout J said...

what=4 letters
yet=3 letters
although=8letters
and so on...

Ralph Henry said...

Thanks, guys! A few years ago I would have worked for hours until I figured it out, but no just too lazy.

Margaret said...

Wearing ridiculously uncomfy shoes just b/c they look good = Shoepidity.

mike harris said...

Re stalactites and stalagmites. "When the mites go up the tights come down",

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