About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, October 15, 2012

MONDAY 10/15/12


Finally finished my last art object.

This is my dining room and that's my "Steak for Eight" mosaic table and a life-sized mannequin with a plastic bag over her head wearing a Krispy-Kreme hat......don't ask.

Then there are some of our antiques, one being a dress form in the corner...

And the dress form has "Money Belt" draped over her shoulder...

It is made up of very, very tightly rolled one dollar bills the exact diameter as 12 gauge shot gun shells wedged in a 12 gauge shot gun shell belt....
 I find it very beautiful.
It joins my perferated TV tray filled with money...

I have finally cut the wood for "Travelling Money", but I can't seem to make up my mind on the hardware; therefore I am at what I call a "mulling delay"....which is basically me trying to decide how to make it work for me...

Let's see what the internet has to say about the news, shall we...


 He accelerated to 1,342 km/h because of the weight of his balls.




Time-out stools for kids. Brilliant!

I like watching stupid people falling down....

Why so serious....

Fat girls give the best head because they are always hungry; or at least that's what I read on the internet.



It was stated that all of these are true. I hope so....
Well, that explains a lot!!

I would sooooo do this if I found myself on a weed possession trial...

I don't have a problem with alcohol.

I have a problem without alcohol.


Jeeeeeeeeez.......

If the Virgin Mary had been born today, she would be a regular on Jerry Springer.



Because he fucking can, that's why....
As I understand it, he had to be taught to do that.


Interesting perspective:

Has America won any wars?
And I mean wars we started, not ones we piggybacked on at the end and then took all the glory.


Do you remember the rumors that Mona Lisa was Leonardo in drag?



I don't get it.....What the fuck is in the cart?


This sickens me.
I'm the guy who always had on one of these channels in hopes of learning just one new thing a day. Now 90% is total bullshit. Dumbing down of America, indeed.

Indeed!

Very old previously posted image that still makes me smile...

Someone figured out my password.

Now I have to rename my dog.


These are Brits.
Americans would be finding something to sue the government for.


Aaaaaah....no.......

Scientist walking walking down the sidewalk and noticed a "planter" in a garden. It turned out to be a Roman sarcophagus from the 2nd century.

This Norwegian can kick a 60 yard field goal time after time....

You can only say What the Fuck so many times a day until you just decide to start drinking.



I'm in big trouble. My girlfriend has found out about my fiance, now they are both on their way to my house to tell my wife.



Just a little ghetto humor. It's called the "Give your friend a concussion" game.....for laughs.....

The other day I opened the window to let out a fly and in came 6 mosquitos, 3 cockroaches, 20 rats and a Jehovah's Witness.



No matter what you do, you will never be as cool as this guy....

I laughed at this, but then I remembered that scientists have concluded that squatting is the preferable posture for shitting....

Not in a million fucking years....


I asked my wife if in her wildest dreams she thought we would have been together for so long. She said, "Honey, you've never been in my wildest dreams."




It's embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn't sure how to spell, and yes, I Googled embarrassing.

(ps: should Google, when used as a verb (googled), be capitalized?)

And you see nothing remotely silly about that?
What the fuck is your major? Bachelor's Degree in Status Quo No Matter How Stupid It Is?

How to know you have had enough too much alcohol and not enough physics lessons....
Who does he think he is, Jesus Crocket?

Fuck this prick....


This is the way they shipped bubble wrap...

I like this very much....

Have you ever noticed that if you microwave butter for 13.2 seconds it's soft and ready to spread. But if you microwave the butter for 13.3 seconds it is a pool of unusable oily crap.



My friend has a 5 year old son. When told I was an artist, he went to his room and returned with some green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Those are great! Now, how about some blue martians?!"

He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up."


I couldn't take the long distance relationship anymore, so I moved the beer fridge into my man cave.



And then there's this real headline....

Just her name....

Sell a man a fish and he eats for a day.

Teach a man how to fish and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity.


I'm not one to support animal cruelty in anyway, shape or form. It's disgusting and inhumane. I did, however, once fart in my dog's face.



A panel was discussing one of the debates and one guy said, ".....looked nervous as a hooker in church."

The other guy said, "I've been going to the wrong church."


Well.....balloons never lie....right.........right?

Was Michelle Obama born a man?

Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Just asking.


Coasters are for people who put their beer down.



This is fucking true, folks....

An example of a zeugma: On my fishing trip I caught three trout and a cold.



I was with a guy who was so stoned that he tried to sound unstoned by saying, "How many pots have you smoken?"



A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth.



It doesn't matter how much you smile, you need to smile more often. 

Did you know that a smile, even if forced, makes you feel better?


Let's see a cat do this.....

TRUE: Read today that the Sec. of Defense warned Iran that a cyber-attack would be an act of war. That's serious, folks.

I say the government ought to offer huge rewards for hackers who hack the hackers. Couldn't hurt.

My mantra....

No matter where I am or what time it is, I always drink when someone tells a person in a wheelchair to stand up.



A man who knows what he wants...

Get drunk. Get stupid.

You see where trying to be smart has gotten you.


Surely we can do something about this insanity....




The next time you think you have regrets over your relationship, think of this poor girl. I admit that I have never read anything like this in my entire life.....

But when you think about it, what a great way to get your girlfriend to do all the cooking.


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