About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

TUESDAY 10/16/12


Have you ever wondered what a true hero looks like?
"And I'm afraid of no one," she said.
This is what the boys in her neighborhood "play".


Those poor ignorant motherfuckers.
To repeat a recent quote:
You are not stupid because you were colonized.
You were colonized because you were stupid.

Yeah, these are just what they look like....

This man does one-arm push-ups while solving a Rubik's Cube.....
Down deep we hate people like that....don't we.

There's never a dull moment at the commune....
("on the commune"......"at the commune"???)


I would like to buy this person a drink....

Communes before the synthetic drugs that made it fun....


I am not a liberal. I just can't abide ignorance like this.
If a liberal says anything really stupid, I will be more than happy to point it out to you.


If I were president, my first order of business would be to make all car manufacturers put the gas caps on the same side.


War!.....What is it good for?......

That awkward moment when you realize an energy drink has a better space program than your nation.


I used to love to sit by the window in a plane, then when the person in the aisle seat tried to look out of it I would cover it and declare that it was mine.

Think you are having a rough day?
Imagine you are a Siamese Twin.
Your brother, who is attached to your shoulder, is gay.
You're not.
He has a date coming over tonight.
You only have one ass.



Sometimes you just have to face the fact that you're not desperate, you are incompetent....

Line AB is the same length as CD.....

Ten year old girl invented this for her grandfather with some disease that made him shake so he wouldn't spill his coffee....

You can roll out the biscuit dough, sprinkle on some sausage, roll it up, cut it in slices, then bake. They look very much like this, but oh, so much more delicious....

You can't imagine how sexy I find this....

Humans are not programmed to do this twice a day.....
It just ain't right.

New slant on the whole issue....

The first time I had mushrooms was in the backseat of my brother's car.
They must have been some good shit, too, cause I'm an only child.



I've been so stressed recently that I've been doing that Chinese thing with the needles....you know.....heroin.



It was in England. Why it wasn't towed was not addressed....

Smiiiiiiile......
That was so fucking sad!


Ever wondered what frostbite looks like.....

It's called ogling, boys and girls, and men simply can't help it...

Interesting description...

Fuck, I'd run, too.....
I wonder why none of them think of jumping onto the cart.



Photobombing - Level: Expert.......

Did you catch it?

And the problem is never discussed.....

Sometimes when I look down in the toilet after a shit, I like to describe it with the name of a movie.
Today it was "The Avengers".
Yesterday it was "Black Hawk Down".


A huge eyeball washes ashore...

You need to make a lot of freinds real quick? Next time you go to an airport, take a power strip with you.


Damn!
One armed citizen and this would have ended pretty damn quick.

Rare....I would rather hope so.

Oh, my.....

My idea of sex education....

TRUE: No matter what she does...no matter how depraved...no matter how many people are maimed and killed....not matter how many normal people around the world vomit at hearing the news....the queen of England can not be arrested.
What could possibly go wrong with that?



We've all gotten up in the middle of the night and banged our toe against something and it's like it pressed a button that plays every fucking curse word we know.



The infinity sign is properly know as a lemniscate. 



This is one of the most depressing things I've ever read:

Keep thinking about how long this took....

STOP THE GLORIFICATION OF BUSY!




ORAL SEX: If it doesn't look like a demon is being exorcized from her body, you're doing it wrong.



Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.



My great grand-daddy was a pimp....or at least he should have been.


Had a long conversation with a man who was once a theology major. Even though he is now a non-believer, he still has trouble with us humans being nothing special. I accused him of being arrogant and he nodded that he was, but added, "I just can't help it."
Indeed.


Whenever a fast food employee reads my order back to me, I always say, "Did you just call me fat?"
They love that.



It's almost impossible to say "Bubbles" in an angry way.



Looks so peaceful, don't it? If I had the money, I'd buy my buddy, Billy, a cabin like this......

Thank you, sign guy. Thank you very much.....

Too soon?

This is the way I look when I hear someone retell a joke I just told him without him giving me credit.....

This is me every time the waiter comes by to ask me if I like the food....

I fear young people today have been programmed so thoroughly that rebelling against an unjust government is far more than they can comprehend...

Did you ever notice that the US Constitution was written in tattoo script?


Maybe you should go fuck yourself...

I'm getting really tired of your shit, Facebook.


Dreams....who knew......

You know, Soup or Salad sounds a lot like Super Salad.


I don't think so, Sparky.


TRUE: There is a pro football player named Watts who can flat foot jump upon a 55 inch platform.



Cop: Any alcohol in your vehicle?
Me: Not anymore.


No, no, no.....aaaand NO.......

They have developed land mines that look like pray mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.


Some people just like to watch the world burn....
(For Aaron)


4 comments:

Anonymous said...

If the gas caps were on the same side, the lines at the gas station would be about twice as long...would basically make one side of the pumps useless, since most people pull into a gas station from the same direction.
Of course you could just extend the hose over your car, but that would defeat the purpose.

Ralph Henry said...

I'm not sure your observation of most people pulling into a gas station from the same direction is correct.
Let's continue our research and readdress this issue later.

Anonymous said...

The exhaust would also have to be moved. Meaning the engine would have to be reconfigured; on single exhaust vehicles.
Scott

Aaron said...

The colonization joke reminds me of the following:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTduy7Qkvk8

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