MONDAY 11/12/12

WARNING: THIS POST IS SPRINKLED WITH DUBIOUS POST-ELECTION QUOTES

Flash Drives...

"Ann Romney is going to be relentless with the help tomorrow about which throw pillows go where."

My wife and I are helping fill a big truck going to NJ to help those people. The man who is heading it up has relatives there and those people did a survey to find out what their neighbors really needed. Mostly cleaning supplies, but also large sealable containers. I found that interesting. Thanks to our friends, my garage is filling up, awaiting the truck.

Looks a little like Morgan Freeman, don't it?

Of course, all those guitarists look alike to me.

But this does not take into account the percentage of the population in each category...

"If Obama wins, I'm getting the heck out of this country and going to Alaska!"

"This Election Day I hope Ohio residents made a better choice than living in Ohio."

I had a chance to buy a log cabin like this one time. I passed because the driveway led through a filthy trailer park...

But I still think of it from time to time.

"Remember to not base your vote on which presidential candidate's middle name sounds more American."

"One argument in favor of legalizing pot is it may help prevent people from being sodomized with walkie-talkie antennas."

"Just goes to show you it's not always prudent to be in the back pocket of Big Rape."

(I found that fucking hilarious)

"It's been five days. Redistribute some fucking wealth already."

Why the fuck not...

A six word short story...

Please give that a second or two and not just scan it like you would read an ad or some vile thing. 
Without the pauses, it loses something.
Thank you for your understanding of my sensibility.

"Big Bird just got his girlfriend an abortion."

Well, that's comforting....right...I mean it is comforting isn't it?

Back when we just didn't give a shit...

I watched a simulation of the speed and could not discern one single number...

Remember, that's 15 three-digit numbers in 1.7 seconds.

Sent this to a pharmacy professor for his opinion...

Here's what he had to say...

He also included this bit of pharmacy humor...

(pharmacy professors don't get out much)

I have an ultra-conservative friend who sends me tidbits like this from time to time...

Here's the real ring from Snopes showing no secret message at all...

My wife sent me the Snopes article that proved the email was fake, and asked me why I didn't inform my conservative friend of the error. I have in the past flooded her with Snopes articles, but she thinks (I swear) that Snopes is a front by the left wing powers that be to keep the truth from the American people. 
And she not only votes, but donates huge amounts of money to the Republican Party. Sleep tight.

"BREAKING NEWS: Apple Maps projecting Barack Obama to win Brazil."

Worse case of penis envy I've ever seen...

Looks kind of like a young Omar Sharif don't he.

Looks kind of like those lip injections don't it...or...

"Excuse me, young fella, did you know you have a huge asshole hangin' off your ear there?" Pointing. "And it looks like it has a hemorrhoid problem..." Peering closer. "...maybe two. You got really good insurance do ya? Cause I know those pricks down at the free clinic and they ain't gonna touch that shit. Hey, come back. Where ya goin'?"

Poets are always taking the weather so personally.

Mom has tattoo of babies birthmark..

I like it. Imagine the bullshit story you could make up when she gets old enough to start asking questions.

You know your political party is in trouble when people ask if the rape guy won and you have to ask, "Which one?"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!!!!

Do you ever wonder why we still have American troops in Bosnia?

Just thought the thought may have crossed your mind lately.
("thought the thought"....ummmmm)

"I wonder if Romney wouldn't mind creating those 12 million jobs anyway...like a parting gift. Or at least 6 million for the half of the country who like him."

I think about these people every day...

"Maryland just gay-married Maine."

One of my very own...

"America just failed its IQ test."

OOMVO...

This is called the Magnification Illusion for obvious reasons...

Reminds me of making a little hole with your hand to read things far away.

Why isn't there more stuff like this?

We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feeling. Like, "I'm bored, let's go brush your teeth," or "You want to go play the gargle game?"


Seriously...

Without that little voice in your head, you wouldn't be able to read this.

OOMVO...

I bought RJ (Ronly Jonly) a beer the other day. The guy next to me at the bar said, "You're a nice guy."

RJ said, "He is a nice guy. I tell everybody that...whether it's true or not."

I'm going to miss that man.

On TV, while discussing the woman in the affair with General Petraeus, they said, "For several years she was embedded with the troops in Afghanistan." 
(for some reason I found it one of the funniest thing I have heard all month)

I assume the sand glassified or whatever the word is. Amazing.

I ate a cucumber today and it really was cool.


These are two almost identical tools. The one on the left were sold in Sears last year. This year Sears is selling the one on the right from China even though the design for the one on the left is patented. That just ain't right, ya'll...

A long, long time ago my father told me about how Sears does business. He used the Little Red Wagon as an example.
It seems that Sears approached a man who had a small shop that made Little Red Wagons and they ordered 50 for an upcoming Christmas. Then the next year, explaining that they sold well, they ordered 500 wagons. So the man hired more workers and bought more machinery to fill the order. Then the next year Sears ordered 50,000. Overwhelmed, the wagon maker hired a staff, borrowed money to expand his factory, and hired shifts of workers.
Then the next year....Sears said they didn't need any wagons.
This meant that the man had no way of paying his creditors and had to declare bankrupsy. That's when Sears stepped in and bought the whole company for pennies on the dollar, simply renaming the product "Craftsman".
My dad said they did that for batteries, tires, washing machines, etc, etc, etc. And remember, back then Sears was the only game in town.

These people volunteer to test things that no one is sure will work. I am not such a man...

Women who seek to be equal with me lack ambition.

Speaking of ambition...

Patience: What you have when there are too many witnesses.

I am fascinated by air. If you remove the air from the sky, all the birds would fall to the ground...and all the planes, too. I think we should have an International Air Day.

Screw soccer. If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes, I'd just hang out in a bar and watch the young hipsters.

In life it's not who you know that's important...it's how your wife found out.

The creative adult is the child who survived.
(I believe that)

Just another reason not to leave the boat...

A cut log...

Rather impressive actually.