FOLIO OLIO: MONDAY

The first Black Friday occurred when dozens of Pilgrims stood out in the cold, waiting to get great deals on Native American land.

And to all my Canadian and European followers, I hope you had a Happy Regular Thursday.

Fuck this shit...

Here's what he reminds me of...

I like to go to the mall early, find a great parking spot, and then just sit there in my car with my reverse lights on.

I have no idea is this if factual...

There are whole websites about newspapers with weird juxtapositions of headline and unrelated photo. This was the front page of my newspaper this morning. It made me shit...

(Well, technically, I was on the commode shitting anyway, so I guess we'll never know)

If you missed the LOL standing for Lucifer Our Lord, this will make no sense to you...

This is amazing...

Of course, most people are betting on early forms of life being found. They are touting the discovery as requiring all history books to be rewritten...so what else could it be?

Probably, though, it has to do with the age of Mars and it being either much older or much younger than we thought.....yeah, like I'm rewriting a history book for that!!
But there has been other suggestions as to what they discovered. Let's take a look at them, shall we:
1. Mars science data proves that god is real and evolved from a monkey.
2. They found all of the world's missing socks.
3. Mayan calendar found on Mars that starts on December 22nd.
4. Found life on Mars, only it causes cancer.
5. (my favorite) Curiosity found a Box with Schrodinger's cat dead or alive.

But, seriously, why announce an "earthshaking" (is that some sort of pun?) discovery and then not tell us? I feel like a child staring at my presents before Christmas.

Dear NASA,
Don't tease. If this "Earth Shattering" discovery on Mars is anything less than aliens, we are all going to get real cranky, to say the least.
Thank you,
The World.

God: male. Adam: male. Jesus: male. Apostles: male. Pope: male.

How could a thinking woman sign on to this shit?

Here's to good, strong women:
May we know them;
May you be them;
May we raise them.

Slaves would be tyrants were the chance theirs.

One of the few cat posts you will see here...

If someone asks you to keep a secret, chances are it's a lie.

Her mother beat her by two years.
She's from West Virginia.

God gave everyone a hot cousin to test us.

I needed to blow up those buildings like I needed a hole in the head...

(I did that myself)

Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is batshit crazy.
(I actually think that's wonderful advice)

A plethora of Ones of my very own...

(I found that very clever)

If you are behind someone at an ATM late at night, let them know you're not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.

I just want to remain healthy while staying in bed til mid-morning, then moving straight to my La-Z-Boy and the computer all day, and drinking way too much beer until it's time for bed again. Is that really too much to ask?

Playing hard to get down on the farm...

It's like playing hard to get in the city only with less cops to respond to the screaming.

I'm waiting for someone to combine a Segway and vacuum cleaner.

The trouble with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.

On Thanksgiving day, the New England Patriots played the Redskins. After the game the Patriots stole the Redskin's stadium.

Oh me oh my oh mio....

Asians are so bad at driving, I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.

Just took a sleeping pill washed down with Redbull.
Let the battle begin.

Are you one of those people who every morning before getting out of bed, you calculate how much sick leave you have left?

Let's visit this again...

For a bunch of folks, things have gone from bad to worse and they just hope it gets back to bad again.

My "2 Girls, 1 Cup" reaction...

Some times the internet can make anything seem plausible...

If I stop drinking the coffee I stop doing the standing and the walking and the words-putting-into-sentence doing.

Somebody's been watching too many movies...

Did you ever notice that Mexican food changes name just by the way you fold it?

How would you know if she was napping on the job?

How did we all get in the habit of looking into the tissue after blowing our nose?

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you're going to walk home barefoot and wake up the next morning with a hangover, sharing the bed with someone whose name you don't remember.

TRUE: Watched an African woman make a huge (2' x 2') jar without a potter's wheel. Instead, she walked around the pot in a combination shuffle/dance.
Lo, it was something to behold...