About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

TUESDAY


AN EXPLANATION IS IN ORDER
I posted a 3 1/2 minute video Sunday that was fucking hilarious. It showed a grown man wearing a Clemson jersey sitting in front of a Clemson flag commenting on their ass-whoopin' by the Gamecocks. To say that he got emotional would be a huge understatement.
He screamed, he pounded, he face palmed and he......cried.
I may have been only one of the very few people who saw it, because it was pulled by YouTube.
Interestingly, the pulling of the video fucked up my computer. I had Folio Olio on my Bookmarks Bar and, bingo, it's gone. Plus, when I go back to my past posts, that post shows up about a dozen timess. All of this is very confusing to me.
Anyway, I'm sorry you missed the video.

Something no man wants his wife reading...

My first wife finally agreed to a threesome.

She and her divorce lawyer fucked me but good.
(my bet is a whole bunch of you men are going to tell that joke. Just remember, when someone asked you where you heard it...tell them about Folio Olio)

Thanksgiving dinner for these magnificent bastards...

You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they are acting retarded.


One wonders why it has a rain roof...

Speaking of houses, China, of all places, couldn't get these people to relocate to make room for a new interstate, so they just built around them..
And this...

First it's pretty tires, then it's pretty guns...next thing you know, you're shavin' your beard and wearin' capri pants.


"I heard you're a player. Nice to meet you. I'm the coach."
"Beat me, whip me, make me write bad checks," he said.

I want to meet the guy whose job it is to put those little stickers on fruit.



Circumcision: Just imagine, one day god was just sitting up on his thorn and with a Ah-Ha look, glanced over at his Archangel and said, "Let's make them cut off the end of their dicks."
"But why," asked the Archangel.
They locked eyes, god shrugged and then both burst out laughing.



A pregnant woman swallowing a load is like feeding the fetus its brothers and sisters.


Oh, you're straight? So is spaghetti until it gets hot.

I'm sorry that your legislator thinks more about your birth control than the guys you sleep with.



Haiku about touching something real hot:
Fuck shit god damnit
Motherfucking shit ow ow
Fuck shit fuck fuck fuck


Yeah, he finally answered that prayer of yours...

I so wish I had a roll of these to place on various objects around a store...
Like this...

Sorry the freakish weather knocked out the power you need to add to your climate change myth blog.



Worry is a misuse of your imagination.


It's called comic relief and it's a good thing...

A robot that can play catch no matter how fast the balls come at him...

I've reached the age where getting a tan is more life-threatening than awesome.



Guy was having some work done on his house. Workmen found two jars of gold dust worth $300,000. True.

Your point about free speech is well taken. Now shut the fuck up.



Had a guy ask me, "Why don't they invent a machine that takes carbon out of the atmosphere and convert it to something useful?"

I told me they are called trees.




TRUE: The "Kitchen Computer" did not sell one model...

If I have learned anything from my hours on line every day, it's that the internet hates Twilight, One Direction and Justin Beiber.

It is amazing what a normal person can get done after setting the mircrowave to 30 seconds.





I asked my wife why she went to such an old gynaecologist and she said, "He has really shaky hands."






They call my dick "The Truth" because it hurts.





Have you ever stumbled on the way to the bathroom in a bar and just acted like it was a dance move?


"Not on my watch, you Jewish trimmed-dick prick."

I would have used the word absurd, but agree with it anyway...

When I sit out and people watch, I rate them by how likely they are to have people locked in their basement.


With child...

The main lesson taught in Romeo and Juliet is to always check your lover's pulse before committing suicide.


The only thing funnier than a person getting fucked up, is for an old person getting fucked up...

Am I the only one who says goodbye to the rock I've kicked all the way home?


This is the way all men look when their wives ask if we've had too much to drink...

My new party trick. I swallow two pieces of string and and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together.
I shit you knot.



It's only a 10 minute walk from my house to the nearest bar. Weirdly, it's an hour walk from the bar to my house.



I saw that.

- Karma

The more things change....

Sometimes the smallest of things can make your day a whole lot better.....unless it's a penis.


A species treasure...

I was high for elementary school pictures and I was the teacher.


Tired of working, she began accepting applications for Sugar Daddy...

He may be right, but some of us are fighting it as hard as we can...
Interestingly, he's wearing a meaningless necktie, just like he was told to do.

You can tell that America is obese when the scariest thing we have right now is called Slender Man.


Van Gogh. Look at the brushstrokes in the jar of water...
That's why he's Van Gogh.

This is funny as fucking shit!!!

You people who don't gamble I no idea about the thrill of coming home from the bar with more money than you arrived with.


This ad ain't from around here...
(It's a nail gun)

We've all had that feeling that we forgot something...
...but can't remember what it was.

They should put more beers in a case of beer so there's enough for two people.


Four Ones of my very own...
(I don't apologize for trying to be funny)




 (that is my favorite all-time joke)


The Devil went down to Georgia.
He immediately regretted doing so.

3 comments:

Jambe said...

"Interestingly, he's wearing a meaningless necktie, just like he was told to do."

And you're wearing a beard just like countless millions before you, you soulless traditionalist copycat!

*shrug*

I don't find personal stylistic choices objectionable. Some are ugly, certainly, but that's just a reflection of the universe at large, I figure. A suit and tie isn't worse than ubiquitous hoodies & jeans or t-shirts & sweatpants.

I do have a problem with stylistic choices if they're overtly misogynistic (e.g. niqab or burqa) but otherwise, meh.

Many people see the suit as an anachronism, but that in and of itself is attractive to certain people. Beards are seen as similarly anachronistic in many areas, hence the youthful hipsters now sporting them in an attempt to "stand out". Muhammad would be pleased.

Ralph Henry said...

How can one compare A: periodically going to the store, buying all the equipment, going through the morning ritual every day (shaving) with B: doing nothing...accepting the way we evolved and moving on?
You surprise me. My beard is not a statement...it's the way I was born. It's like criticizing someone for having blue eyes! It's like calling someone a traditionalist copycat for NOT binding their feet!!
As to clothing, there is a huge difference between buying a long lasting, cheap garment that keeps you warm and spending hours gathering garments that are expensive, short-lived and whose main purpose is...if I may...preening and fitting in with others in your peer group.
I find personal stylistic choices objectionable only when you ask why. Why did you just spend $1000 on a coat when it's not as warm or long lasting as the others, and the answer is, "It will make me look..." Look what? Like some prick whose life is governed by the tastes of others?
Remember, I always want to know who made such-and-such rule before I sign on to it. When I ask, "Who decided we all have to tuck in our shirt tails", I MEAN IT! It's irrational and until you show me otherwise, I opt out. It really is that simple.

Jambe said...

That was hyperbole. I wasn't suggesting that your beard is a deliberate statement, but you just made it into one. My point was that many people sport beards as iconoclastic styles (because natural beards are rare in the modern West, especially among youths). Something you enjoy for utilitarian or naturalistic reasons can be enjoyed by other people for reasons you apparently dislike (i.e. fads, groupthink, etc).

A desire to fit in (visually or otherwise) doesn't make one a prick. Self-modification and group-seeking are as naturally human as your beard. Not that natural is inherently good — appendixes are natural but all they do is sometimes kill people.

Following stylistic trends doesn't seem rational or irrational to me; it's a matter of taste. Tucking in a shirt or leaving it out are exactly as "rational", ditto liking orange more than blue or wearing thong sandals instead of strapped ones.

------

The tie isn't really "meaningless", is it? The tie-wearer thinks he's communicating (visually, via formal attire) that he's behaving seriously (and/or he simply finds suits and ties aesthetically pleasing). So it's not meaningless to him or to those who share his opinions. The tie also has meaning to you (and to similar trend-buckers) in that it highlights mindless cessation of individuality to an established norm.

... the thing is, from a "truthiness" angle, you're both correct. Subjectivity is a wriggly bastard.

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