About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

THURSDAY


I hope you guys are having as great a Thanksgiving as me. Both my girls are here as is my son-in-law. This whole experience just reminds me that happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

I may be the only person in the world who gave their daughters their Christmas gift of an "antique" Swiss Army bayonet and they loved them.

Lots of linguistic gags today...I don't know why.

If you have ever fired a semi-automatic pistol, you know that the first shot takes two hands: one to hold the gun, the other to pull back the breach. This one, with the help of the device below the trigger guard, allow you to just use one hand.
 Further, I have never understood the caution granted a semi-automatic. It has a safety for goodness sake, but most people don't like to keep a shell in the chamber until it is time to fire.
A revolver has no safety and is always ready to fire, but everyone I know will shove it in their waistband without a thought.

I watched a long TV show about beer, and this is how it is thought it was discovered. Some grains got wet, started to sprout, the container got filled and left....then BEER!


I have no idea what they are doing....haircut?

Did you know corn was a grain?



Every father I have ever known will cringe at this...

I have a real problem with sites that have girls that just kind of look underage. This image (before I cropped it) was very beautiful and I wanted to share it with you, but because she looked too young, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Remember in the old porn where there was always a scene that had this....

1904 "Freak Show: Yeah back then you could make money for looking like half the people at Walmart's.

Just another reason...

The one thing that separates humans from other animals is our ability to kill at a distance.


????

My wife bought a new outfit, a long black sweater thing with really full sleeves. I told her she looked like Snape.
I shouldn't have done that.





Can you deduce what this is....really?

Speaking of Snape, can you imagine his voice on a GPS?



Someone should write a book where the main character falls in love with the reader of the book.



My daughter and I found the phrase, "The truce was met with celebratory gunfire" in Gaza hilarious.
Another thought...why wouldn't the "bad" guys just move into the hotel where the news crews lived?


Africa is such a great place....
 ...they have chocolate milk rivers.

In a survival situation, you can drink your own urine. Fortunately, my Wi-Fi came back on just as I was filling the can.



I couldn't get this big enough to read, but that's not the point. The point is that through the ages, helping a drown victim has morphed, but look at panel 5.
Place the victim over a horse and have the horse bounce him up and down on his sternum. That is the exact technique used by my brother-in-law to save my daughter...only he used his knee and just banged her up and down.

What if we are all truly, utterly miserable but are suffering from some sort of mortal Stockholm Syndrome?


This is true, ya'll...

I sent Wal-Green's customer service an email suggesting that they consider not stocking the diarrhea medicine on the bottom shelf.


 (second from left...I'd tap that shit)

True also...

I want a shirt that says "Eat or Die", not because it sounds rebellious, but as a reminder to all those folks with eating disorders.



Am I the only person who giggles when they hear someone say "Snap-on Tools"?



And now it's on the internet where...oh....billions of people you don't know are watching you. Not cool, dude, not cool...

I've begun to sprinkle the word "Lo" throughout my conversation.



Oh, look, don't the bears look happy living their whole livess trapped in a CONCRETE cage?

I often worry that mankind is going to start World War III solely because we enjoy trilogies. 


 Why do you think all of their hands are shaped like that?

This is a repeat, but it still made me laugh...

When you reach my age, sometimes conversations with your friends begins with "Have you shit your pants today?"



Escaping from a fire there is no such thing as friendship.


You need to read this...

First device to mimic the human ankle...

China is like the Chinatown of the world.



Devices to get disabled people down stairs. It's on tracks, so the stairs are no problem. Brilliant!

I lost internet contection the other day and had to masturbate to my imagination like an animal.


So let's have a fifth grade class parse this...

The greatest last words ever....
"Wait a minute, this bear tastes alive!"


My jury is still out on this shit. If anyone has articles of worth, please leave a comment....
 (it almost begs for a "What could possibly go wrong")

I loved reading this book to my daughters. I always changed voices per character and, if I have to brag, I was very good at it. I credit myself with making reading fun for them...

NEVER EAT MORE THAN YOU CAN LIFT.


Broken noses in 5...4...3...

Wouldn't you love...I mean love...to see this person get out of that buggy...

The best laid plans...

Do you know what this is?
Some alphebets just kick our alphebets ass when it comes to emotocons.


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