About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, December 17, 2012

MONDAY #1392



NEWSY THINGS

I'm mostly going to let the interweb speak for itself...



Very powerful image...


Anybody who accuses this man of faking tears has never been a father. I cried like a child...and so did many of my friends.

 This news identified this man as the shooter...




Dear Nadine,
Fuck you.
Sincerely,
The people who still have feelings.




Read this.


I remember when during each sporting event at least one naked person would streak the field. Then the TV channels stopped showing them or naming them and.......it all but stopped.
Just saying.



This man didn't even like guns and managed to kill a bunch of people...
 Richard Speck killed 8 nurses with a hunting knife.
Julio Gonzalez killed 87 people at the Happy Land Social club in New York by simply setting it on fire.

Don't fool yourself into thinking that this mayhem will cease just by making guns harder to get.





I stopped watching any news. 

I simply couldn't take it.

Lastly, at the school where I worked there was a code word that was to be broadcast over the PA system if there was trouble. "Mr. Red please report to the office" meant that every male teacher and staff was to rush to assist.
Once a father came in for a parent conference and got very upset...so upset he let the principal know that he had a gun. Luckily the secretary heard it and called the police.
The man did, indeed, have a weapon, so the cops handcuffed him and put him in the back seat of a cruiser.
The problem was that it was time for school to be let out and right where 100 students are to stand and wait on the sidewalk for their bus, there is a cop car at the curb with a lunatic banging his head against the window, screaming and spitting. As soon as I saw it I stood with my back against the window, but there was no stopping the stream of vulgarity.
Anyway, that happened to me one time.


NOW BACK TO OUR REGULARLY LUNACY

Demerit badges.  The company sells hundred of different kinds of these...

This is cool as fucking shit. It's a simple lamp to replace the kerosene lamps they have always used. It cost $10.
 Replacing with this will save the villagers about $10 in fuel costs in about three months. Then the rest is free.
You see those straps hanging off of it? They are attached to a weight, and by raising and releasing the weight the light will shine for one hour. (the weight is actually a slender bag that can be filled with dirt or sand)
With investors and a proven market, the price is expected to drop to $5.
Further, you see the black and red contacts at the bottom? They can be used to recharge just about all hand held electronic devices.

Could this be true?
 NOTE: As a designer, I know I could have made this easier to decipher.


Man has a whole photo essay documenting people who bring every single thing they own out to be photographed...
During Yard Sales an American family can fill up their entire lawn with just the shit they don't want.

Art is where you find it...
Notice how you walk half way on the crosswalk, then you have to walk down the median to proceed? Ever seen that before and why?

Came across a bunch of Royal Family fun. I will sprinkle them throughout...

On the right the man who led half the world to victory over the other half. One the left is the man with, by far, the most medals....

Came across two GIF's on sites today. They begin to loop instantly, so I couldn't decide if I wanted to see them or not....they just started.

One was of a man setting himself on fire before falling backwards out of a ninth story window. The other was of a man who blew his brains out. 
I can only assume this will last much longer than I would prefer. 

Note notched cut log stairs...

Should you tip your waitress more if you puke in the restroom?


????....People Nugget's mobile home?

Drugs make even politics tolerable.


Nice concept, but still gas powered...

Everybody pretends to be normal.


 I saw a buoy...a large buoy, but a buoy nonetheless...that used the wave motion to produce enough electricity for one home.....free. Where will we be in ten years? My money is on innovation. 
Come to think about it, the buoy probably works on the same principle as the lamp above.

Laugh if you must, but please help these folks. They did it for you and me...personally...

A waitress came over to my wife and I's table and said, "Ya'll look so much in love it makes me feel warm all over."

I asked, "Why do you think that?"
She said, "The way you reach across the table to hold her hand."
I chuckled and said, "Darlin', I'm checking for needle tracks."
My wife swatted me, but we all had a laugh.


Have you ever pretended to a cop that you couldn't speak English? Didn't work for you either, did it?


Gravity fields on the moon...

Anybody who says global warming isn't a problem is basically the mayor in "Jaws".



The have a Canadian version of Breaking Bad. It ends after the guy gets cancer and his treatment is totally paid for by the government.



This is true. They got the bones all mixed up...

Dear new husbands,
You do this just once and she won't let you near the washing machine again.
Your welcome.

Saw a guy in a store using a vibrator on his face. I gave a little prayer of thanks for cell phone cameras...

Someone should tell scientists that they don't need to keep finding reasons for us to drink a glass of wine at night.



Amtrak has a new slogan:

"Travel with you weed, we don't give a shit."



Chick-fil-A just introduced their new "Only Some People Are Allowed to Be Happy Meal."


People not like us...
QUESTION: Even if you were a member of Doll Lovers, would you dare allow someone to take your picture at the meeting?

Remember, folks, this is the BEST this man will ever look...
This guy has so many deceptive online dating profiles that he once met himself at Red Lobster.

I just farted out Mitt Romney's next son's name.



Just found this new app that tells you which of your family members are racist. It's called Facebook.


Man who was a serial women's pantie thief...
 The reason I thought that was comical was that after stealing dozens of pairs of panties from the same apartment building, wouldn't he guess that they would install a security camera?

My first love. Of course, she was the only Mousketeer with boobs...
Personally, I think boobs are worth the whole apple eating eternal damnation thing.

She's holding a panel of what the inventors are claiming is the perfect camouflage. Not real sure about this. Will keep you informed...

Hi, John, where are you fro......oh, never mind...

You remember Todd Akin? He's the gay who screwed the GOP even though they asked him not to.

There ought to be a word for that.




I took a shit this morning that convinced me I don't deserve love.



Worth 1000 words...

Donald Trump is one step into a vat of toxic waste from becoming an ACTUAL comic book super villain.



Merry Fucking Christmas...

The Southern Redneck...a breed apart...

Too bad Anne Frank never saw Home Alone...could have been a serious game changer.


What a powerful message...

When I got to college the head of my department called me into his office and told me that according to my high school transcript, I was under-performing. I told him my mother sleep with my principal. He just nodded and let me go about my business.


Every time I say the word "diet" I wash my mouth out with beer.


I think people should be able to get their driver's license just by emailing their success at beating Rainbow Road on Mario Kart.



Grandfathers are just antique little boys.



"Is that a car alarm? Let's see if someone needs help!" said no one ever.



I don't always rev my motor, but when I do it's next to a Prius, so they can hear me hurt the environment.


In fact I declare 22nd December "international slap a pseudoscientific hippy with a text book" day.

I bet there's a lot of this going around...

Walk up, ride down.....my friend, Billy, needs one of these...

I had to go to Walmart today. If there's a war on Christmas, Christmas is winning.



No Weirdos!

Air Flow invisible umbrella....that works....

So you mean to tell me, that you cough up phlegm and then swallow it again?

(who the fuck decided to spell it that way?)


You think the bus came first and they then decided to just turn it into a room?

Most women's vagina have an On/Off switch linked to the words that come out of your mouth.


Shit I ain't never even thought about before...
My guess is that it's spaying day.

It's about fucking time!

Can the Hoverboard be far behind?

This is called Fishing For Daddy #2....
If I were a woman I'd be a slut too.

The first time I tasted sushi...

I never see a collar like this that I don't think of a party my wife attended.
She came home and told me that one of her girlfriends was getting married and said, "Well, I promised Levi that I would let him come in my mouth on our honeymoon."
They discussed why it was that men liked that so much, then the young, prissy, prudish young woman who wore collars like the above all the time, said, "Well, why don't you just take it all the way down your throat, then you don't have to swallow it...it just goes straight down."
The other women stared in amazement, then burst out laughing.






Angels always say they love you, but then they just leave you with the savior to feed.


Meanwhile in a world I wish I lived in....

TRUE:  Even after stalking my neighbor's cat for months with my Supersoaker, I got in my truck and there was the cat sitting on my hood just staring at me, like "What the fuck are you going to do about it."

That fucker KNEW the Supersoaker was on the porch.


Torture your feet so men will like your calf muscle distortion...perfectly logical...

We are but bits players in the opera that is life.



I used to read to my children out of books with illustrations like this. I find them delightful.

I don't see too many of these anymore, and wonder why...
The most groundbreaking invention of all time was the shovel.


Try to lick a candy cane again without thinking of this...

Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you are in the right.


"Are you out of your fucking mind? Let the Mexicans do it!"



5 comments:

Jambe said...

Mm, yes, you'd be fooling yourself if you were trying to curtail knife murders and arson by reducing firearm availability.

We could also try reducing automobile deaths by making electrical outlets illegal in all bathrooms...

Ralph Henry said...

Don't be obtuse. It's beneath you.

S42 said...

It's interesting that in my country there were no shootings in schools or anywhere else. Oh wait, we have normal laws that don't allow everyone to run around with weapons...

Ralph Henry said...

Well, S42, I can only guess at "your country", but it may be one of the ones we saved during a World War and the world doesn't ask to act as it's policeman....Think Bosnia and Gulf War I.

I would suggest that the blame for most of the tragedies similar to this last one, can be laid directly at the feet of inadequate mental health options; something I would like see addressed and not weapons. Had he been a smart lad he could have just blocked the exits and set the building on fire.

Jambe said...

Sticks and stones...

Yes, we will keep attacking each other with knives, bats, fire, rocks and our bare bloody fists. So what? The question is whether stricter controls would reduce gun violence, not all violence.

Mass murders may be reduced by better mental healthcare but such incidents (whether motivated by mental illness or not) are a drop in the bucket compared to mundane gun violence. Eight youths under twenty die every day from gun violence in the US.

You could claim that every killer or gang member is mentally ill but I don't buy that. The DSM is a mess and our trend towards medicating everyone isn't gonna help anything, either.

Regardless, I'd wager most gang members are cogent and physically healthy individuals born into shitty circumstances. We've known for years that gun violence is directly linked with class, and yet we can't do much of anything about that on a political or cohesive social scale.

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