About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Thursday, January 17, 2013


I'm condescending?
Do you even know what that means?

In Twilight, what happens when Bella is on her period?

Would you expect anything less?

A company has developed a vending machine that sells marijuana.
In a related story, the recession is over.

To all you cat lovers out there, just remember, it would probably yawn and lick it's ass while watching you get pummeled with a hammer.

This man seems to want to comtrol you, because it always knows best.

One of my very own...

This never fails to scare my dyslexic Jewish friend..

This is one of my proteges. I watched a clip of him explaining an installation he did in New York..

Good luck with that...

Just something else to think about...

I want to see a reality show where 15 teenagers from all over the world who are addicted to computers are sent to an Amish village and the last one to have a mental breakdown wins.

This woman is holding her own heart...

The emperor penguin mates at minus 150 degrees.
He is a frigid midget with a rigid digit.
(that's the first joke I'm going to teach my young friend, Max, when he get's old enough to talk)

I like music so white your credit score will go up just by listening to it.

The Vikings, those ruthless bastards, visited America 300 years before Columbus and didn't committ mass genocide.

What an image!

School prepares you for the real world...which also sucks.

I'm guessing....Arkansas....

You know what I love most about collage girls?
You can fit so many on the same page.

Hemmorrhoids the size of hen eggs in 5...4...3...

A couple of spy tricks that only us in the business know about...
I asked a guy how far the new BBQ joint was and he told me it was about 6 miles depending on how fast you drive.

I just happen to run across that after a couple of day of feeling like shit. Finally went to the doctor and I have a respiratory infection and she gave me some killed meds.
I had never experienced illness-induced hallucinations before, but I sure as shit did this time. I couldn't sleep but in 10-15 snippets and everytime I woke up it was in the middle of a reoccuring bad dream, whereby I was trying to solve various problems and each time I fucked it up. Most of these problems were graphic in nature...graphic meaning doctored images for the blog.
Well, then I took the medicine and everytime the coughing woke me up it was in the middle of a killer solution to the same type graphics.
This reminded me of a "proper" solution...
This is an example of the sickness laden bad design...
So I haven't left the house in three days. I get so lonely I pour bowls of Rice Krispies for the conversation.

So, let me get this straight. You can get arrested for shitting on the floor?

A real, legit fashion show in a dump. Some sort of statement, I guess...


Fucking Asians!

The Nigerian emailed me a picture of all his cash so I would know it's legit...

My wife was making biscuits and couldn't find the rolling pin, so she used a Smirnoff bottle...like Martha Stewart in prison.

Company makes knives out of tools....

A new study found that using the internet too much can cause psychological problems. Although, I use the internet all day and personally think the people who did that study are just out to get me.

How gay? On a scale of bear hunting and hunting bear.

I am not an alcoholic.
I'm an alcohol enthusiast.

Learning that a shun atheletics, a guy asked, "Didn't you even play sports in high school?"
"No," I said, "I was too busy fucking."


I'm emotionally constipated.
I haven't given a shit in weeks.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go the bathroom?
The P is silent.

Never date a woman whose father calls her "Princess."

The difference between being hungry and horny is where you put the cucumber.

If you can't say something nice, say something clever but devastating.

This is a wearable mouse. This might be bette and my touch pad; freeing the arm to move to various locations and shit.


Jambe said...

Mignola on Lovecraft on Henry... a weird world, this.

Also, the company that made the knife you posted is one kid by the name of Logan Pearce. He sells knives similar to the one pictured for ~$35. They're all hand-forged. His deviantART gallery is more regularly updated, apparently. His Damascus-style "Avatar" and "Mako" knives are beautiful.

Actually, some time ago I thought to him ask about the provenance of his coral scales since reef destruction is a particular concern of mine, but I never did. Moralizing at strangers and such...

Jambe said...

Also, along the lines of those laser-cut wooden bathymetric charts, there's this guy's laser-cut paper "windows".

I'm a sucker for fractal-like geometry of that sort...

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