About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

WEDNESDAY #1418





Usain Bolt ran 100m in 9.96 seconds.
I can't even get off the couch in 9.96 seconds.



I've noticed that most anti-depressants work much better when taken with a margarita from a hammock on a Caribbean Beach.



Jagermeiser...not even once...

I met a Swedish guy on a trip one time and he asked me where I was born. I told him Alabama, then asked if he knew about Alambama.
He said, "Yes. Alabama, the place from Cops.



CARPE SCROTUM - Grab life by the balls.



No you may not "Axe" me a question.
I don't speak Walmart.



I am so going to do this the next time I have children at my table...

When you don't know what you're doing, it's best to do it quickly.


 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Why do people do shit like this?

Everybody thinks they are pretty smart until you have to turn on someone else's shower.



Sperm banks are rejecting redheads.



Wanna guess what this is? Give it a moment.
It's the patent for a "Rectal Exercise Dumbbell".


Have we all collectively lost our minds?

It just occured to me that I haven't done the Hokey Pokey in over 50 years.


 You fucking pricks! You teach a creature to understand language and one of the first things you do is to tell him he's going to fucking die!! Fuck you.

 I was listening to a news report on this and one of the guys theorized that this was the Maker's Mark of the whole universe....like god's signature. He didn't elaborate.

These are so silly, but sometimes I like silly...



This is rather interesting. Almost everyone agrees that the portrait is "off". Now check out the painted eyes vs. real eyes and see why.

Biology - The only science where multiplication and division mean the same thing.



The most useless warning light ever. 98% of the time it's your spare tire...

My good friend is from England where they invented the damn things so I'm going with the scone (rhyming wth con) pronounciation. 


Another good idea...

We've all got these leftover in the top of our closet, don't we...

When, because of my near deafness, she someone say something that I know isn't right, but I can't decipher it...
Example: I hear "You want to stab a mugger?"
She said, "You want to grab a burger?"
TRUE: Shit like that happens to me all the time.

Canada here I come...

I'm not grumpy!
I'm cheer-challenged.



I never use turn signals. It's nobody's fucking business where I'm going.


I don't even know what it is, but I know I want one...

Marvelous invention...

Can we please stop calling them 'hipsters' and go back to calling them 'pussies'?



Molestation is such a touchy subject.



One of my very own...


Stretching...it's important...



 OOMVO...

 What a wonderful idea...

You can lead a man to the urinal, but you can't...

OOMVO...

Because reality is so boring.


OOMVO...



I hate texting people who don't use smileys. I feel like I'm texting an emotionless robot.






2 comments:

bruce said...

Alright, but how many times have you stepped in CAT shit??

Ralph Henry said...

I have no idea how to answer that. Want to give me a hint?

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