TUESDAY #1411

Let's start off with one for the only thrower I know...

"If you aren't swallowing, then I'm not putting my dick in your mouth," said no man ever.

Her husband is home early...and....oh shit, shit, shit, shit, shit....

That was one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time. 

Aaaaand...he's gone....

Is this fucking normal?!?!

What kind of mating ritual is this!!! Not that I haven't done the exact same thing...but I was drunk.

Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the fuck down.



Are they getting ready to lynch them by the tails?!?...

Note those hairs on the end of the tails? I know a guy who had a braided bracelet made from those hairs...which, of course, I think is cool as fucking shit.

Keep an eye on the photographer...

By the power vested in me, I now declare you...on fire.

Thank god pets can't talk.

(I'm thinking infinity...what say you?)

 What the fuck is this about? Have we all gone insane?

Holy cow!!

I'm pretty sure the lead actress in "Precious" has a twin sister who works at every Wendy's in the country.

We all wish you the very best, you magnificent bastard...

The Apple iPhone is the second highest selling object ever. Want to guess what was the first?



Stupid just reached a whole nother level...

I don't know how they do it, but I just know these guys are married...guaranteed....some zoo broom jumping or some such shit...

Shit you don't see every day...

There is a whole website with porn stills painted like this.
This, Gentle Reader, is midget porn, and I am so very proud to announce that it is the first I've ever seen.

I looked this up and it's fucking true...

I'm starting to think that I will never get old enough to know better.

I Googled "boiled eggs microwave" and learned that it is possible, but the eggs might explode. Hell, I like eggs and I like explosions...it's like a win-win.

I had no idea....

The highest selling object of all time was the Rubix Cube.

I like my morning coffee with my morning coffee.

"Back in my day we didn't have faggots like you."

This has shower sex written all over it...

I know I am sometimes forgetful, but then again, some of life is just as well forgotten.

Great Caesar's ghost!!

 ...and to think, they posted that picture on the internet.

When they discovered the radish, somebody was like "Let's name it rad!" And one guy was all "Let's dial that back a bit."

???

Had this happened to me, I would have let the little foot prints dry, then fill them in with a darker grout to show them off...

The first time I saw this, I thought he had shot down the barrel and hit the detonator on the shell...

There is a great freedom that comes with aging.

Utility Pole: 1

Police Car: 0

This is what they do to some disruptive, drunk passengers...

I'm thinking fast food restaurants should have three windows: one to pay, one to pick-up and one where they fix your order.

Bamboo scaffold.....there aren't enough nopes...

Well, well, what do we have here...

What happens in the storage locker, stays in the storage locker.

Hope springs eternal...

Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life.
Based on that math, I should have died in 1732.

Now this is a creative tattoo...

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine...

Desire, thy name is rich woman wearing nothing but very expensive jewelry....

And then there's this...