About Me

My photo
I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

WEDNESDAY #1406


NEWSY STUFF FIRST

 Nobody remembers the minor congressmen who didn't go along with the president's wishes. History only remembers what the president did. But, interestingly, this president is completely blameless in all the major news.

In the last to days I have watched my two home-state schools win the most exciting games.
Below is my Gamecock's star, Clowney, ripping a running back's head off, then casually reaching over and picking up the fumble. I can hardly talk from all my screaming.

And this is what someone did to that clip in about an hours...




Indians, the neatest protest signs in the known universe...



Seriously, how did we end up with the leaders we have?

Have you ever stared mesmerized as a beautiful young female bartender leans over a sink and washes the glasses on one of those cylindrical brushes...up and down, up and down? Well, I have. For hours.



What the internet has had to say about guns lately...

 It really is hard to disprove this...



Have no idea what this means...some new conspiracy?

I try not to get killed. One of the ways I do it is to look both ways when the light turns green as if it's a stop sign. Three times I have avoided accidents by using those seconds to realize that a car was not going to stop.



"Give me Wales and I'll do it in the pooper."

I was sitting in a bar when the postman brought a letter to my bartender. They are friends so they chit-chatted for a minute, then he left. It wasn't until then that Abby threw the letter in the trash. She explained that one time she had begun to toss junk mail in the trash while the mailman was still there and he got offended!! He said, "But...I brought those to you!" I am told he looked genuinely upset.

Go figure.


This is supposed to be true...

We've all slept with women we shouldn't have...haven't we?


That young woman put her image on the internet and look what they did. If it just happened to go viral, millions of people would know her for nothing else but this.


I remember the exact day someone acted me what I did and I said, "I'm an artist." That first time was very difficult for me.

I wonder if scientists feel that way. Do you think they remember the first time they declared themselves a scientist?

Why wouldn't they just say Happy?

A friend of ours had a baby. This is our gift to him.
 (they live in Wisconsin)

 I know horses are probably very good at large crowd control, but otherwise how are they effective. They really can't be used to chase perps through a mall or over a small fence.

Nobody says "Great Caesar's ghost" anymore. I think it needs resurrection.



My man, Stevie....
Great Caesar's ghost!

Dad set up one of those game cameras in his back yard. Daughter sneaking in late. And if she's not stoned and newly fucked, I'll kiss your ass.

Please notice that these kids didn't budge when they saw the giant stuffed dog, they scattered when they saw the cops...

If you have a slang that was invented so that outsiders can't understand it....hell, okay, I guess. But further, you are not communicating the nature of a super-nova. Your entire conversation is, but necessity, about as elemental as it can get....body functions, fornication, and people you hate and/or what pisses you off.

There is a whole bunch of racial hate on the internet. This one is especially absurd...


This seems like a pretty good idea...
...but wouldn't the meat just fall out?

Good thing it doesn't respond to squinting or the door would be open all day...

I'm not saying Kentucky sucks, but Kentucky sucks.



When I get real mad at my wife I just stand there flicking the light on and off to run up the electric bill.


I couldn't agree more!
I think they ought to have models of proteins and such. I think every one of them should be a problem solving experience.


Physics lesson in 5...4...3...

Have you ever decided to take a bath rather than a shower because you really didn't want to stop drinking?



You need to try this, by the way. It's harder than you think.
Remember, no knees, forearms or hands....good fucking luck.

"Announced" is a very strange word in the announcement...


I liked this movie...


Talk about out of character...
(that's what I look like when I get really, really stoned)

If you find me circling your block, you may have pissed me off.



One of my very own...

Spaceporn...

Yeah, the man might wear the pants in the family, but the wife picked them out for him.



A chef's tattoo. Brilliant!
When I tried my hand at writing, I got very close to my characters. I got physically depressed when I had to kill off a child one time...

You can assume you are the ugly one if you are always asked to take the pictures.



The year 2013 is the first year since 1987 to have 4 different numbers.


Yes. Yes, I have been known to watch movies like this...

What a wonderful, wonderful time this was...

I have nightmares about this very thing...

Every villain is a hero in his own mind.



OOMVO...

You find it offensive?

I find it hilarious. And that's why I'm happier than you.


Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost's nipples on my nose.

(that's a visual joke)


My bartender Abby asked me where Nicaragua was. I said, "Central America." She said, "Oh, like near Kansas?"

I see a pole and body glitter in her future.


OOMVO...

My wife found a big box of old photographs and insisted that I look through them with her. After a minute or two I stood and said, "If I'm not in any of them and nobody's having sex, I just don't care."



OOMVO...

Don't you just hate it when the cracks in the sidewalk are too far apart for one step and too close together for two?



Every time I see a picture like this, I think about the hours and hours this bitch spent in front of a mirror practicing that look...that look right there...maybe with a paid coach...

Just downloaded Photoshop...my first creation...

The world is not a wish-granting factory.



You don't get smarter as you get older. There just aren't any stupid things left that you haven't already done.


The family that gets fucked up together, stays together...



1 comment:

Jambe said...

It's also hard to disprove the sentence "nobody would be shot to death if nobody had guns" but that reduces a complex issue to a trite, meaningless observation, huh? The rightness or wrongness of owning anything is impossible to "prove" because it's moral language. It involves one's "faithy" assumptions about reality and the principles built atop them.

Pro-gun phrases like the one in your image assume "saneness" can be straightforwardly assured by licensing or regulation schemes. Being somewhat familiar with kludgy bureaucratic American governance, I can safely say that this idea is complete horseshit. If your system of gun licensing involves hundreds of millions of guns circulating around, millions of baddies will get guns. Trying to reduce gun murder by increasing gun ownership seems (to me) like trying to reduce internal bleeding by prescribing aspirin.

I'd prefer average citizens didn't go around equipped and trained to kill each other with devices & training specifically aimed at such an end. Square-shaped holes tend to get the square-shaped pegs, etc.

... but then I do come from a Christian background and I retain some of those ethics. I like some of the Sermon on the Mount, for example — the turning of the cheek and such (not that I'm a strict pacifist). Since I'm talking about my namesake's work I might as well say that very few self-titled Christians appreciate Matthew 26:52, let alone integrate it into their worldviews.

In reality handgun banning isn't a big priority of mine (I used to own handguns before I changed my mind on the ethics, and I'm not broadly anti-gun). I'd rather Jane Public didn't have a handgun, but I think addressing our prison systems and drug laws would more meaningfully change the horrible everyday violence that nobody ever hears about (which is most of it). Given the Supreme Court's stance on the 2A, prison and drug-law reform seem a lot more practical.

Also, your daughter's right. The availability of energy and potable water are huge looming problems with no straightforward solutions (scientific or otherwise). Still, looking for scientific solutions is a helluva lot more worthwhile than praying for a bounty of coal!

Also also, Patrick Stewart is magnificent.

Random Post

Random Posts Widget

Blog Archive