FRIDAY #1438

Been watching the news? My wife is in New York City right now. She may never get home. I will miss her.

Try to guess what this is. Answer later...

These are plastic pigeons you can load with messages and actually mail...

Liberty. Interesting word.

Liberty. Worried that your government can now kill you for any reason it deems appropriate? 

Everything you've ever wanted to know about drone policy...

>>>>> CLICK HERE <<<<<

People that know a lot more about this than I do are very, very concerned. And I don't think the old "Well, they mean harm to America" will get you very far with me. What's to stop them from "deciding" that bloggers who criticize the government "means to harm America"?

And remember, in China, Egypt, and elsewhere, it was the army (or at least some of it) who refused to fire on their own countrymen. With drones you take compassion completely out of the picture.

Liberty. We all know that all those professional politicians in Washington are bought and paid for by people who want something.

Liberty. We get into two wars without even bothering or even talking about how we are going to pay for them. Oh, and we are driving our own warriors insane...

Liberty. I don't even know all I need to know about it, but government control of the internet scares the shit out of me.

I love my country. I love being able to move anywhere I want, anytime I want. I can open a business without permission (mostly). 
But I hate what the power mad motherfuckers in Washington have done to my liberty.
Most people just want to be left the fuck alone. That is almost impossible nowadays.
******************************************

If you can't spot the crazy person on the bus, it's you.

My plumber called. He told me it wasn't my toilet, it was me.

By the way, would everyone stop using the argument that back when they wrote the constitution, all they had were muskets. What they, in fact, had, was the most lethal, sophisticated weapon of the time.


Well, Germany gave up before we actually had a bomb...

Factories provide three things this country desperately needs: jobs, pride, and material for Bruce Springsteen songs.

Why don't we let the Postal Service run the Rail Service?

The green sign says "Welcome to Wyoming". 
I don't get it.

This is a view out of special goggles that simulate colorblindness...

Laugh....but they did manage to take over one of our most sophisticated drones...

Once I saw my grandparents making love and I didn't leave right away.

 I stared at that for five minutes before I realized it was just a hula-hoop.

One time I laughed at a blind guy eating spaghetti. 

Impossible to steal finger trap handbag...

Fifty is the new forty for men.
Fifty is still sixty for women.

A picture of North Korea if it ever attacks the US...

I hate pants.

It seems to me that auto companies have finally decided to act. They have combined forces to produce a hydrogen car.
But I would have thought a natural gas car would have been the smarter move. Not only do we have a shit load of it, but all cars can be converted to use it.
Anybody know more about this?

Canada gets rid of their penny...

You can sleep better tonight knowing that they have discovered a prime number 17 million digits long.

One of my very own...

Feeling just a little too good about yourself?
Watch "The Crossing Guard" with Jack Nicholson.

A real tweet: "It's literally unreal when god speaks to you."

 Another good idea...

TRUE: Had Chinese for dinner. Wife handed me my fortune cookie and demanded I read it. "You are kind-hearted and hospitable, cheerful and well-liked."
She screamed, "Bullshit!" and jerked it out of my hand.
I bugged me that she thought it unbelievable.

People love to fuck with the drive-thru clerks. There are hundreds of these type things...

Standing in front of me in the grocery store line, a Japanese couple were having a screaming argument over something. I said, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. You are in America now. Speak Spanish."


1000 words...

I scream.
You scream.
The police come.
It get's awkward.

OOMVO...

When you think about it just right, we are like those fish that swim next to the ass of a shark.

I may be old...but I got to see all the cool bands.

Moves on wind power...

I'll never understand why once a month, women go completely crazy for 30 days.

OOMVO...

Am I the only one whose favorite character in "Titanic" was the iceberg?

One does not simply talk to your dog in a normal voice.
No they don't...oh, no they don't...do we.

I've finally decided to let my spiritual advisor and my financial advisor to fight it out, and listen to whoever survives.

For an hour I listened to a new book on tape. It was the most confusing thing you can imagine. Then I realized the CD player was on "shuffle" mode.

Stephen Hawking announced that he threw a party for time travelers, but nobody showed up, proving there's no time travel.
But I don't think that proves that time travel doesn't exist.
It just proves nobody likes people in wheel chairs with a weird computer voice.

When my wife was going through menopause, I told her that no matter what I said, she thought I was wrong.
She said, "That's not true."

There are no winners when broccoli farts are involved.

I could never cheat on my wife.
That would require TWO people finding me attractive, and I barely found one.

I never run with scissors.
Those last two words were unnecessary.

The original hipster...

This is actually true...

I always have two bottles of Hennessy in case something happens, Mr. Huang said cryptically.

I'm going to learn another language as soon as they come out with "Rosetta Stoner".

I've been thinking a lot about the dumbing down of America...

Argument Guidelines: If a dog attacks you on your morning jog, your immediate thought is not why he did it. He may have been abused, he may be starving, he may have been taught to do it. In the same way, I don't care why some people are stupid today. 
Let's just assume, justifiably, that there are a whole bunch of stupid people in America.

QUESTION: Would you be surprised if one if these guys had a son, and that son....

...is the guy in the middle of this photograph?

Would it surprise you if one of these guys had a daughter who....

...is the girl on the left?

Oh, I know he could happen, but the odds are long. I maintain that stupid people beget stupid people and smart people beget smart(er) people.
There is almost a statistical certainty that the above parents would produce something like this...

With that said, we know that stupid people are having more and more children, while smart people aren't even reproducing themselves; meaning, a couple has less than 2 children.
And please don't bring in peripheral arguments about the definition of stupid. I would assume we could all draw the line at not graduating from high school. I don't want to use IQ because there is an argument to be made on bias.
So, smart people, you need to take the condom off and do it for your country.
******************************************

The device at the beginning is a strap-on milk stool.

THERE WILL BE NO POST TOMORROW.