About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, February 4, 2013

MONDAY #1434





Won a fortune taking Baltimore even over the 49ers.
Maybe god does care about football.
It was a very unusual game, what with a power outage and resulting momentum shift. I watched the whole game with my wonderful daughter and we are both harsh from all the screaming.


Guess whose toilet this is...
Here's a hint...

I'm about 10 pounds away from just posting a profile pic of my eyes.



Live every week like it's Shark Week.



Bummer, this...

This is the way my wife's family solves the last piece of pie problem...

SHIT I LEARNED ON THE INTERNET TODAY:
If you murder someone, bury the victim underneath a dead dog. Body-sniffing hounds will lead the investigators to the dead dog and they will think it's a false positive.



This is an AIM9 heat seeking missile. It was designed by a navy ensign many, many years ago and is still in use today...

This was a line of storms moving through my area. Scared the shit out of us, but no real damage here...

Sometimes I wish I lived in medieval times. That way whenever I got mad at someone I could just accuse her of being a witch.



I knew a first grade teacher who told all the parents that she promised not to believe everything the kid says happen at home if the parents promised not to believe everything the kid says happen at school. Wise woman.

In a survival situation you can drink your own urine. Fortunately, my Wifi came back on just as I was filling the can.



Today I got my Happy Pills and my Pissed Off Pills mixed up. I took one of each so now I'm pissed off but I'm happy about it.



This reminds me of roasted peanuts and duck. Both go from raw to overcooked in about .03 seconds...

This man is simply following the fashion dictates of his peer group...
 Just like you do. The only reason you don't wear your tie like this is because nobody has told you to....yet...


Polish photographer Marcin Ryczek captured this striking black & white photo of a man feeding ducks and swans in Krakow. Breathtaking....

In enough water, Saturn would float.



Don't do heroin.


 I think we can agree that giving birth is a species imperative. People who state that they don't want children simply don't understand the life enhancing dynamics. 
All you doubters, just think of having a dog that slowly learns how to talk.

I'm 100% hetero but I just support this crazy thought that everyone should have equal rights.



Not one of my very own...

I have the feeling that he's done this before...

If a guy's coffee order has more than 5 words in it, he should have to tuck his penis and balls behind his butt for the rest of the day.





I kind of think that success is being respected by people you respect...

This got both his arms blown off in combat. Those doctors gave him a double transplant and now (true) his favorite thing to do is scratch is nose.
 One of my favorite sites is the Chive. It is very, very popular, but it also raises a ton of money for our troops...thus the T-shirt. KCCO.




What screws us up more in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be.



Wardrobe malfunction...

Dear Clueless Old People,
Just smoke it. Get high. Laugh at what you thought it would be like.



One of my very own...

This parent sucks. Taking a little fantasy thing and using it as a weapon to manipulate you kid....fuck you...

Google map guys in the Grand Canyon...

There are a handful of people who get to pick themselves for their fantasy football team.



OOMVO...

It's called texture and it's a good thing...

Legal defense: ODDI; Other dude did it.



Around the world, suicide is way up. Some think that explains the mass murders...people feel there is nothing to live for and they want to go out with a bang...literally.



Growing up, my biggest fear was law school exams. I found a very simple solution.



I like to ask people to tell me something they learned that day. Most say, "Nothing." I ask why.


Not sure how I feel about manipulated images...

OOMVO...

We all have days like this, don't we...

All made just to remind us not to masturbate...

TRUE: The air in Beijing checks out at the same level as an airport smoking lounge.



Chicken Little has taken over the newsroom and bolted the  door.



If Baltimore didn't win the Super Bowl, I am a poorer man.



As soon as I ran across this, I suspected it photoshopped. I did as much research as I cared to do without definitive proof one way or the other...

I found this an excellent way to practice foreplay...

AND THEN THERE'S THIS...
A 25 minute tour of the ISS. I was blown away.
>>>>> CLICK HERE <<<<<

5 comments:

Jambe said...

"I think we can agree that giving birth is a species imperative."

At the societal scale, yes. At the individual scale, absolutely not (and indeed, it's thinking like that which gets us into trouble). I've harped on this before, but the mere fact that something is natural (in this case, sexual reproduction) does not mean it's good. More lives ≠ better lives. The idea that we need an ever-expanding population is a creepy (and telling) analogue to the strangling and blinding effects of consumerism (which is itself a "natural" human tendency).

"People who state that they don't want children simply don't understand the life enhancing dynamics."

Oh come on, that's pretty uncharitable. I have experienced genuine awe watching nieces and nephews grow and learn and play, and my brain works well enough that I can extrapolate a life enriched by the learning and myriad emotional ups and downs involved in raising a child.

I nonetheless don't want one of my own; other things interest me more. The sentiment of your Emerson quote (note his use of the word "or") is enough for me. If I try to leave the world better than I found it and am generally a nice person along the way, happy days.

Ralph Henry said...

Did you see the movie Idiocracy?

Ralph Henry said...

You are a not-father. I was a not-father for a long, long time and thought similarly to you. Everything in your comment applied to me and my life was fulfilled....then I became a father.
There simply isn't a way for you to have any idea what it's like until you hold your child in your hands.
On a sidebar...I think that smart people reproducing is a good idea.
Peace be with you, my friend. And you may want to thank your parents for not taking the path you have chosen.

Ralph Henry said...

Let's try it this way.
A young man loves masturbating. He is very good at it and enhances the experience with porn and various sexual devices and is convinced that for him it's the very best thing ever.
Then he has sex with a woman and laughs at his previous convictions..

That's sort of like not being a father to being a father...you have no idea the difference until you have tried it.

Jambe said...

Idiocracy was OK but such "woe, the state of things!" satire has been produced by every generation in human history. I dislike ignoramuses, reactionaries, and thugs but smarty-breeding isn't a panacea. Smart parents can produce dolts and dimwitted ones can make geniuses. Furthermore, geniuses can be terrible people and below-average intellects can be great people.

What if a frighteningly smart woman decides not to reproduce with her extra-intelligent boyfriend to take on a multi-year marine biology project during which she synthesizes an effective cancer treatment? What if a childless Marine sacrifices her life to protect an innocent local who goes on stabilize a war-torn government?

I don't know what parenthood is like; it's important to be honest about one's ignorance. I have an inkling as to why parenthood is so often described to me as a life- and perspective-altering experience. I also have a vague idea as to why so many people have told me of the life-reshaping powers of DMT and mescaline, but I haven't sought them out, either.

I'm not against hallucinogenics or human reproduction; I simply have other priorities. I hardly know what tomorrow will be like, though, let alone 2020. I may have kids or take mind-bending trips, or I may not! Regardless, I'm not bothered by the idea that I might die tonight with no progeny. I've lived a good life, not congratulating or berating myself too much. Many people (if not most) can't say the same.

Peace be with you as well, friend. And you may want to reflect kindly upon the untold millions of childless people who still managed to make society a little nicer for spoiled turds like myself.

:-)

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