WEDNESDAY #1442

My brother told me that if you must drill a hole in a wall with wallpaper, you should first cut an X in the wallpaper, bend back the triangles, then drill the hole. When you no longer need it, you take out the anchor, spackle the hole and clue the X-cut paper back in place. It's almost invisible.

I find shit like this fucking hilarious...

Question: Which one of these guys went bat-shit crazy in the first show of the new season?

Phone wires in NY at the end of the 1800's....

Without the flu, all men become tall two year olds.

My wife gets a professional massage every week. I once complained about the cost. She said that her massage gave her endorphins. Endorphins make her happy. Happy women don't shoot their husband.

1000 words...

This is all cedar....

On the way back from NYC, my wife ordered me a rubber horse head while flying on a plane at 35,000 feet.
We really should stop inventing stuff.

Fuck the Taliban...

No matter how old I get, I still feel like a big boy when I finish my vegetables and point it out to my wife.

Did god create everything like the bible says?

Blue: yes. Green: no.

That's scary as shit.

"How much per gram?"
Drugs - America's introduction to the metric system.

No.

Saw a couple walk "one the newest place on earth" in Hawaii....

In their search for that flipped out cop, other cops open fire on not one, but TWO newspaper delivery vehicles without warning. Luckily, both drivers lived....

So, would you fault these people?

One of my very own...

Remember the old "Spooky girl shows up in elevator" trick I posted a while back? Well, don't try that shit in Philadelphia...

This has depression written all over it...

If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.


OOMVO...

Men can't use sex to get what they want, because sex is what they want.

This is my wife (middle) in limo in NYC. I can't tell you why they paid her to come there...it's like top secret...

Check this shit out!

When they enhanced the image, they came up with this...

I lied. They came up with this. The General Sherman from Dukes of Hazzard jumping over a canyon...

Did you ever notice that when you say the word poop, that your mother makes the same motion as your ass when you poop?

We all make decisions every day...

I don't believe in astrology. I'm a Virgo and we're skeptical.

I tried being anorexic........for four hours.

Let's learn something, shall we...

When asked, everybody is always fucking "fine".
That's fucking imposible. 


Ladies and gentlemen, I present the tool user...

Speaking of tool user...

For whatever reason, this fish couldn't swim, so his owner made him a little flotation device....

Now that football season is over, I can get back to wishing it was football season.

I once saw this woman in a very serious movie about a plane crash...