FRIDAY #1460

I so hope you haven't seen this yet....just try not to laugh along with him....

TRUE: At the intersection above my house there are two lanes facing the light. The right lane can go straight or turn right. The center lane turns left.
Also, the light takes, oh, for-fucking-ever to turn green.
So today I was waiting to turn left when a cop pulled up behind me, then immediately turned into a small parking lot on the corner; thinking he could pull out onto the cross street long before my light turned green. But there was a lot of traffic and he had to wait long enough for the light to turn green and I felt awesomely smug as I drove in front of him.

Karachi is famous for Strip Chess.........hell, yeah.


That's a good thing, right.......right?

I had trouble when they started calling alcoholism a disease, now being obese is a disease. Sorry, I just don't get it. 


Never settle for ordinary when you have an option...

If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he still lucky?

 This boat has more fire-power than you can imagine...

Why do we have a large intestine storing shit that is larger than our assholes?

Believe it or not, these have given me faith in the younger generation...

 They are as good a footwear decision as high-heels are a bad decision.

They are comfortable, cheap, natural and not pretentious.

That's a win-win-win-win in my book.

And don't fuck it all up with these...

A woman who looks like she knows what she wants...

It's hard to stay in character some times....

This was a very, very funny movie...

I got a paper cut writing my suicide note.

See the illusion?

 It's not a lake, it's a wall.

These are the two people chosen for the Mars mission...

They have already proven themselves by spending months together on a sailboat and in the Arctic.

Here is their advice...

(by the way, my bartender predicted they would pick a middle-aged couple)

I think she hit the sprinkler system...

 But why did it turn black?

My young friend said that he found a job with a corner office with a view, with lots of travel and an expensive company vehicle.
He's a bus driver.

Once you watch rat porn you'll never go back...

Things that were told to me to be true...

Two types of people who annoy me:
Drunk people when I'm sober.
Sober people when I'm drunk.

Guy fucked up his dive....took it badly...sissy bitch...

Interesting name for a warrior...

Feeling down? Have you tried dwelling on it and thinking about your problems over and over?

Two girl activities that just seems odd...

 If you live in a place where you can't buy these hot off the grill, I feel sorry for you...

TRUE: Tonight I had three donuts and washed them down with a cold beer. Hell, yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about.

One of my very own...

Ancient manuscript with cat damage...

Sometimes my life feels like a test I didn't study for.

OOMVO...

"We should definitely stay together," said no horror film character ever.

Did bunnies kill off the Neanderthals?

 It has been suggested that after the large biomass animals like Mammoths had been hunted out, the Neanderthals were unable to successfully hunt small game like rabbits.

Does. Not. Compute.

 Camo at it's best...

I used to drink so much in college that my nickname was Puke.

 Now go back and watch the cigarette.

It's always advisable to add "and shit" to the end of as many sentences as possible, and shit.

Found this online...

I've been doing that for years...

Two things:
1. Believe it or not, the wire has to be put on just right or it won't work. Took me a while to figure out.
2. Had I seen that first image BEFORE I started collecting and displaying the Hearts of Stone, the artist in my would not allow me to do it. Artists may, in fact, borrow things from every aspect of his life, even other artists, to make art, but I can't just flat out copy somebody.

I think this is Seven Samurai....

I saw a sign on this door that said, "Exit Only."
So I entered it and went up to the guy working there and said, "I have some good news."

You are well advised to watch this til the end...

This, although with a longer ladder, is how I broke my arm and leg at the same time...

Do GIF's keep moving after you scroll down?

This is pretty cool. The two guys fake a choking to see what passersby will do...

For my friend, House, who does this kind of shit all the time...

Clever fellow....

There ought to be a word for people who insist on telling you how many calories are in the meal I'm eating.
Asshole works for me.

That has GOT to be a woman...

Yes, that is his car, and, yes, he seems to be handling it like a man...

Things you don't want to hear after a one night stand:
"Leave the cash on the dresser."

Thank you, sign guy, thank you very much...

Give that motherfucker a raise.....I really can't imagine information I would appreciate more.