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I'm an artist, educator, militant anti-theist , and I write. I gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog contains observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Monday, April 15, 2013

MONDAY #1494


My son-in-law in on the science team designing a new satellite for NASA. If he could only play poker so well.
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NOT SURE IF GOING TO WAR WITH NORTH KOREA IS SELF-DEFENSE, OR BEATING UP THE SPECIAL NEEDS KID BECAUSE HE'S TALKING SHIT.



4" heels on "soldiers"...

No, not all of Britain is mourning...
On the call-in request radio stations throughout Britain, today, the day of Thatcher's funeral, people are trying to get "Ding, Dong, The Witch Is Dead" from the Wizard of Oz to reach the top of the chart.
As I understand it, when Margaret took over just about everything in England was owned by the government: Gas, oil, electric, steel, car companies, airlines, hospitals, etc. Everyone was taxed at 80% or more to pay for it all.
The system was beyond inefficient. It was broke and had to be fixed. She fixed it.
In doing so she pissed off a whole bunch of people...union people mostly.

SPORTS: I don't even like golf, but the Master's ending was fucking awesome.


Thoughts. Do you have them?

How long will it take you to name a color without the letter E in it?

Highlight [ purpal ]


If you drink enough beer, it starts tasting like love.



This happens every few years and people STILL rebuild in the same place...generation after generation after generation...

Have you ever farted yourself awake?





I don't really like these, but you might...

HIGHLIGHT FOR ANSWER:
[ Just tell him how many letters are in the number ]


You and I pay for people to do this...

I remember telling a guy the only useful thing I know about tornados. I said, If you see one, and it looks like it's not moving, then it must be coming right at you.
 He asked, "Well, it could be going away from me."
I said, "You dumb fuck! That would mean it just passed over you!"


Scientists were called Natural Philosophers until a young man thought that the word philosophy was much to broad and reasoned that if a man who creates art is considered an artist, then men who study science should be called scientists.

The man was Jillian Shultz and the years was 1833.





A buddy of mine was ecstatic because he last his wallet and his debit card was declined everywhere because he's poor.





Cops found a handcuff key on the end of guy's shoe lace...
That's fucking brilliant! I be it were a natural color of an aglet he wouldn't have been caught.
(Dearest Reader, aglet is, of course, the plastic tube on the end of a shoelace to retard unraveling. It is also a rather common crossword puzzle clue and that is the very first time I have ever used it in conversation of any kind)

I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.

Seriously, after the tsunami they interviewed a woman who said, "I had nothing, now I've lost everything."
Sad, that.

North Korea's Top Gun...

Not sure if hairdresser genuinely interested in my life or just profiling me to determine the likelihood that I have unattended valuables in my home.




I know it's childish. I know it's even cruel to laugh at this child. But I can't help myself. You show me clip of someone smashing their face, and I'm going to share it...

ITEM ONE:  No other country in the world would accept high unemployment of its citizens while at the same time allowing tens of millions of people to just walk across the border and work.

And don't tell me that Mexicans do jobs that Americans won't. That may be true for the seasonal picking of peaches and such, but we did just fine in construction before the cheap Mexicans got here.
We ought to pass a law! Oh, that's right, we did pass a law and the Mexicans just ignored it. And for flaunting our laws, what are we going to do about it? Make them all citizens.....AGAIN!!! That's called rewarding bad behavior and it is always a bad idea. (think North Korea)
ITEM TWO: While allowing, illegal Mexicans with limited education, we are not allowing PhD's who are begging to stay here after they graduate.
How fucking stupid is that?


Right out of Wikipedia....check the bottom...

 (Vonnegut wrote that)

Shit you don't see every day....and, yes, that is Bill Gates...
I wonder if Connie Chung sucked his penis for that?

I try to casually slip the word 'penis' into as many sentences as possible without being thought of as weird.




Shit like that mesmerizes me.

ALCOHOL: Because karaoke just wouldn't be the same if you knew you'd remember it.



We take the naps we think we deserve.


One of my very own...

I read a study of the amount of antibiotics doctors proscribe and it averages out to one per person per year; which, of course, means many people are getting more than one.

No matter how stupid something is; no matter how idiotic, inane, or foolish, there is at least one person in the federal government who is an expert in that thing.

(I made that up. What do you think?)

A scallop swimming....like jet propulsion...

Found this in a group of "Stupid Things People Do" pictures. Actually, I think there is nothing wrong with this as long as you let it dry out before reapplying power. There may be capacitors that still have a charge, but I don't see how their discharge could fuck anything up...

If you are going to build your house out of Wheaties boxes or some such shit, you might want to get married first and run the idea past her.


So fucking what?............just kidding.

Remember, if the nozzle doesn't have that little clip to keep it flowing, you can put you gas cap in the handle...
 ...but be very careful. Sometimes it won't shut off automatically and you make a fool of yourself like I did.

Excellent advice...

The north pole of Saturn. A six sided formation that no one can explain...

I have a young friend who is very passionate about pointing out the insanity of making hemp illegal...

Too lazy to even turn around....

Don't worry so much. There is always time for regret later.



"Death is not the opposite of life. Life has no opposite. The opposite of death is birth."

Really?

 I realize the passion on both sides of the gun issue, but outlawing this or that will not stop crazy people from doing crazy things with a weapon...
Four people were accidentally shot by toddlers last week. If only there had been armed, law-abiding toddlers around to stop them.
The clip size argument sounds to me like trying to stop drunk driving by making everyone use tiny little glasses.

 That was not racist. I love fried chicken more than any other meal....and I agree with her statement.

 Human in model or huge sculpture in real building? I don't know...

This is kind of like I feel when I get too busy for a daily post....

Honesty is always the best policy...

I'm always a little disappointed when people think they can strengthen their argument just by throwing in a bunch of three-dollar words. It reminds me of the guy I met and within five minutes I knew how much his car cost.

It's just not necessary. 
If your point is that something is everywhere, using the word ubiquitous is just like the guy subtly letting people know he's rich.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHH!!!

The other day I was asked to attend a wedding.

I told him I had a prior engagement that was very important. He said it had an open bar and I said, "Well, I guess I could tape it."



I’m still amazed that the potato landed a role in Toy Story.



AND THEN THERE'S THIS...

Tony Gwynn Jr. responds to heckler...short and sweet...
I found it almost impossible not to laugh along with that guy.

AND A FINAL THOUGHT...

You would think that natural selection would have culled the snorers almost immediately. Example: You and your buddies are on a three day hunting trip for mammoth or some such big ass game and on the first night you are laying up under your bush snoring loudly, while your buddies are up under their own bushes nary making a noise. Then along come Mr. Saberteethed Tiger….


8 comments:

Jambe said...

Cyan (I've a bit of experience with CMYK printing).

---

You can wash a motherboard with water but I wouldn't recommend it; I'd take the onboard battery out first. You'd have to make sure it's actually dry before powering it up again. Having cleaned and assembled countless PCs over the years, I'd recommend trying to clean things with compressed air first. If there's sticky crap, 99% isopropyl alcohol is better than water as it'll break up crud, it's nonconductive and it evaporates quickly. You can dunk a whole board in the stuff if necessary (but it's virtually never necessary).

---

If something is everywhere, using the word ubiquitous instead takes:

1 word instead of 3
10 characters instead of 23
4 syllables instead of 7

If people are stupid for wasting energy on body-covering trends, why aren't they also stupid for wasting energy on communicative trends? You and your simple-talk faddishness! I've talked to people whose vocabularies were so extensive I felt like I needed a dictionary just to keep up. Some of them were asses, but most were fine people. Most people are fine, by the by. Maybe 5-25% of people are jerks, depending on location...

Perhaps it's best to judge people for the content of their character instead of their speech mannerisms? If a person is haughty, call 'em a twat. If they're a possessions-obsessed consumerist fuckwit, point out their mortality. If they're a prolix mofo, maybe suggest a creative writing course? Brevity is the soul of wit, or some such shit.

---

Man, that video. That's why I don't frequent sporting events; if I was near the heckler I might get into (physical) trouble. I hate loud obnoxiousness. Whenever vehicles near me are blasting music I vividly imagine smashing the shit out of them with a bat. I suppose that might be a character flaw... I guess I was raised to respect people's aural surroundings, so I get pissy when people can't bother to respect mine.

Ralph Henry said...

Noise pollution is, it seems, universally irritating.

I based my three-dollar word remarks on an email I received from a young friend who wanted my advice on something. He stated that he was discussing a passionate subject with some friends and realized he was in trouble when he started using as many three-dollar words as possible.
Even smart people have to pause ever so slightly to decipher long words that they very seldom hear. I don't mean they don't know the definition, it's just that it's definition is in the back of their mental warehouse in the rarely used file.
I just find that......incommodious.

Jambe said...

I dunno, I just find it a bit dangerous to judge people based on how they articulate their thoughts. "I don't know what x means, therefore y is a pretentious dickwad" is not a good way to approach communication.

If people try to intimidate by using lots of big words then they just cheapen and obfuscate their points in doing so. In my experience, though, very few people actually do that with any regularity because it gets pointed out quickly. Dictionary-diving debaters are usually insecure people who are struggling to find just the right way to skewer somebody. What they need in such situations is usually not the right word, but no words at all and a bit of introspection.

Speaking personally: I try to take passion out of argumentation before engaging. I'm always encountering stuff that annoys or offends me, but unless I've been through it before, I try to ask myself "why does this bother me?" Sussing that out usually pinpoints a problem I wouldn't have noticed had I just launched into a reaction with no consideration. When I have a clear(er) picture of why I'm saying something, my communication tends to be better—less stilted and forced, more to the point, etc. Also, examining my feelings often brings me to the realization that trying to be persuasive would just be a waste of my time.

Know thyself, as the Greeks said...

Ralph Henry said...

Beautifully put, my friend, especially the "Speaking personally" part.......now I have MORE to think about!

Michael Ray said...

Your "tree dollar words" as you put it, are, in my first opinion of somebody, very crucial. I would love to meet some girl who came up to and used an inordinate amount of intellectual words that say "I care about how I sound". In my age group the best I get is "Sup, wut u doin homie G, effin Gangsta" and garbage far worse than that, and at that point I normally elect that this person is not worth knowing. I suppose at some point it is a little obnoxious to use words you know no one you are talking to will understand.

I could not even watch sports with my friends or Dad most of the time. When someone yells at a TV, or an event, or even a person, that you knowingly paid money and attended, I get upset with that person. It is embarrassing, in my opinion mind you, to be seen with or participating in such lowly behavior.

Unknown said...

In his review of the work for the Quarterly Review, William Whewell was forced to coin the term ‘Scientist’ as the previously used ‘men of science’ was no longer adequate.

The above is in reference to Mary Somerville. Most sources have the word scientist being invented by Whewell when reviewing her book, The Connexion of the Physical Sciences

Ralph Henry said...

That just teaches me not to believe everything I hear in a Ted Talk. Me, being lazy, didn't bother to research it, but as I like to say, that's your job. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Why people still make use of to read news papers when in this technological
globe the whole thing is presented on web?

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