WEDNESDAY #1496

Oh, look, America looks like the rest of the planet...

WARNING: THERE ARE MUCH MORE GRAPHIC IMAGES OF THIS EVENT AT THE END OF THIS POST. YOU MAY NOT WANT TO VIEW THEM.


QUOTES FROM THE NEWS COVERAGE:
"It literally almost blew my hat off."
"They are having a moment of silence for the Boston victims at the NYSE. Let's take a listen."
"A random act of madness."

My gold is taking a bit of a hit lately...

Found this on a very popular humor website. I could almost swear it's one of my very own. It looks like mine and reads like mine, but I can't be sure. Anyone remember seeing it?

Got a kid you want to impress?

When I was a kid, an uncle taught me how to take a needle and stick in through the peel of a banana, then (without expanding the hole) move the needle in such a way as to slice the banana meat. Do this seven or eight times then tell the kid you can slice a banana with your mental powers alone.

When you peel the banana, it will fall kind of like this...

The Human Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.

Several days ago I reported on a study concerning the remarkable change of mind this country has had over gay marriage. If you will recall, credit goes to all the brave homosexuals who came out to their friends and family, and wa-la, we all knew one who we liked and respected, which made all of us more sympathetic to their cause. 

I want us all to do the same thing with pot. I think we should "come out" to all our friends and family that we are dopers, then they will have to admit that it doesn't turn people into zombies. Just like below, we should march down the street with signs that say "I am a proud stoner and I want it legal".

Remember, the only way to stop a bully is to fight back.

This may be the only skateboard clip on the internet that doesn't have someone busting his or her ass...

 I present it to ask a question: How in the name of sanity can a city (like my city) build a skateboard park with handrails and swimming pool like curvy shit and sloped skinny boards for underaged teenagers to use WITHOUT ANY SORT OF ADULT SUPERVISION and without demanding that they AT LEAST wear helmets? Mainly I'm thinking about the insurance liability. Can anybody help me out with that?

This is me when the woman in front of me refuses to pull into the intersection while waiting to turn left at a red light and the light changes and we both have to sit through a whole new cycle...

 (that is an absolutely factual demonstration)

Never trust a smiling cat.

This fine young man is named Graham Saiko.

 TRUE: His name is pronounced "psycho".
(I'd love to watch as this motherfucker tried to get on an airplane)

This is kind of silly, but I will post just about anything with a black guy saying "nigga"...

Being old means you can tell a young woman that you visually enjoy them and they think it's cute.

I've been watching a lot of European soccer at the American Legion. Often there are two rival players from different countries having a conversation as they walked back to their positions. So asked no one in particular, "I wonder in what language they speak to each other?"

About two minutes later a miffed player had the camera right on his face when he turned around and we could all plainly lip read "FUCK YOU!"
"Well, I guess that answers that," said the guy next to me.
(That was the wrong clip, of course, but you get my point)

I think every capital in the world ought to have a statue of this man...

A news show featured a list of amazing things US taxpayers have tried to deduct. One was the food, medications and vet bills for a dog that was listed as a security system.
TRUE: I did that exact thing back in the 70's and never got caught.

The other night my wife shook up cans of Dr. Pepper, then opening them up in her vagina and yelling, "The doctor is in!" She never explained why.

This British term comes from the obsolete chuff meaning "chubby," used in the seventieth to nineteenth centuries. In the 1800s, chuff took on the sense of "pleased." Since the mid-1900s, chuffed has been used to mean both "pleased" or "displeased," depending upon the context.

True? Who the fuck knows.

I am not easily impressed, however ths is a page that holds a depiction of all 7 billion humans on the planet. This is part of it...

 You can scroll for five minutes and the little slide button on the side doesn't move. The same goes for moving to the right or left. I did go down half way by using the slide bar and I was very impressed. Check it out here:

>>>>> CLICK HERE <<<<<

 Well, the professor heard him and she wanted him expelled! The man is 30 years old and has two children. It took months to straighten it all out.

That bitch needs to talk to me.

38 gears and they all mesh perfectly. Printed all at once on 3D printer...

Wife: "Damnit, Ralph! You are smarter than that!"
Me: "No, I'm not."

I didn't know this, but I looked it up and it's true...

Listened to a Ted talk about what makes people love their jobs. Rather boring actually, but with these gleaned tidbits.
When asked, no one likes putting Ikea furniture together. But when they are finished these same people rate that piece of their furniture as their favorite.
Also, when the boxed cake mix came out none of the women liked it. You see, none of them could brag about how good "their" cake was, since, technically it was not theirs. With dismal sales, Betty Crocker removed the powdered eggs and milk from the package, forcing the housewife to add these herself. Now she could claim it as her own and sales boomed.

Damn science! You promised us Mars colonies. Instead we got Facebook.

Human-scale Foosball...

 I bet that is fun as shit. I mean it! That looks so fucking fun!

This was amusing the first time I saw it...

 But she obviously has a problem and now I feel sorry for her. I would so very ask her if I could help her...

Take a guess as to what these are....

They are corn dogs that have french fry cubes in the batter.

A true culinary breakthrough.

One of the funniest terms I know is "The science of economics"....

You know, life would be just about perfect if we had no memory.

I dare you... 

"She is easy on the eyes, if you know what I mean."
We've all heard that or a similar statement. Come to find out, people find that the easier something is to look at, the more beautiful we consider it. Then I remembered that the people we consider beautiful all have well-proportioned faces...thus easier to look at.
I haven't taught this through, but the theory falls right in with my love of sympathetic angles and other such design devices...they all make it easier to look at.

 Someone obviously didn't get the memo...

Questions sometimes just pop in my head.

The other night I wondered if horses could eat with a bit in its mouth.

Every article I read began with a dire warning: DO NOT LET A HORSE EAT GRASS WHILE YOU ARE IN THE SADDLE.

This all-metal bit was all I could remember seeing, and that metal bar goes from one side of his mouth to the other. So, I asked myself, how could he eat...

They now have flexible bits, but that hardly answers my question...

Come to find out, there is a gap in the horse's teeth right where the bit goes...

 The reason you should never, ever let a horse nibble grass while you are in the saddle is that once he gets it in his mind that he can stop and eat while you are on him, then you will never be able to break him of it.

You're riding along and that motherfucker just decides to do lunch anytime he wants.

The advice of most experts was to never let it eat anything, anytime the bit is in his mouth...that way there is not misunderstanding.

 I've painted murals very much like these...

 I mounted dozens of triangular strips of wood to a wall, then on the side facing to the right I painted children's faces, and on the other plane I painted different children.

It was in a dentist's office and was very effective.

I also painted an image like the one below (mine was Abraham Lincoln because it was located in the most racist city I know of) and to get the outline I just projected it onto the front of the seats with a slide projector. If this artist had done that he wouldn't have that awkwardness in the shins...

By the way, this was referred to as "graffiti". I think a good definition of graffiti would be A) It's done without the owners permission, and B) It is done with spray cans of paint, and maybe C) It is done without getting paid, and probably, D) the graffitist has little or no formal art training.

Well, folks, what are we going to do about this? Seriously.

 This is such a huge problem (think diabetes) that I wonder why the CDC isn't involved.

This image is begging for a caption...

 "Wheeeeeeeeee," she mumbled not loud enough for him to hear.

This man was a painter also...

 I saw one of his paintings on TV. It was a beach with hundred of sea gulls and he asked the host to look at it carefully. Then he told the guy the title - Sea Gull With Sunglasses, and way back in the back was, in fact, one sea gull wearing sun glasses. I would have loved to have meet him.

My nephew sent me this image...

 He said his house has three bathrooms and he's having to pee out in the yard (which is my method of choice, but a topic for another day). It seems that one of his children put bubble bath in the commodes and the more you flush it, the worse it gets.

For someone like me, that little nugget of mayhem could really come in handy.

Science....Beware the fumes...

 I THINK THAT IS THE SAME GIRL WHO WAS AFRAID OF THE AUTOMATIC DOORS!!!!!

One of my very own...

Okay, here's my best effort...

WARNING: MUCH MORE GRAPHIC IMAGES OF THE BOSTON EVENT ARE TO FOLLOW. YOU MAY NOT WANT TO VIEW THEM.