THURSDAY #1497

This fresh of the presses...is this the bomber?

Last night they kept pushing back the start of an update on the bombings and the guy next to me at the bar guessed that it was because there was a bomb threat.
I never knew he was that clever.

Can you think of anything worse than to watch as your child is ripped apart by a fucking bomb?

This is the page with exact instructions for the making and placing the exact bomb used...

Dianne Feinstein now wants to outlaw pressure cookers.

Why do some cultures require so much more for happiness...

Modern day horse armor...

If I saw those coming, I'm going home.

1,000 words...

Terrorists always kill the good people. The victims are always described as loving life, fun loving, helping others, brought a smile, etc.

Never heard of a victim: “He was a real asshole”. So I try to be the designated asshole…it’s a matter of self-preservation.

The taste of beer, without its alcoholic effects, is enough to trigger the release of the pleasure chemical dopamine in the brain.

"Fuck you Diane"

At the elementary school where I taught, there was an armed police officer wondering around all day. He(she) was technically a community resource officer who mentored troubled kids while at the same time providing security.

Of course, not everyone thinks like I do...or maybe they do...hard to tell...

I get upset when people are duped. It's just my nature...

I find it sad that so many Americans allow themselves to manipulated by the people who stand to make money off their unhappiness...

This wise man nailed it...

Men have it, too, but not on the scale of women. Just check out her vast array of makeup...

Is life just one long beauty contest? Really?
And remember, being unattractive is just playing the dating game on Hard Mode.

I heard an absurd statement about evolution, so I asked, "Have you ever studied evolution all all?" He said, "Why would I want to study something that I know is false?"
Why, indeed.


As I understand it, JFK had that door put in his desk for this exact purpose...

For all the taxes I pay, the government should at least send me a picture of the ghetto family I'm supporting to hang on my fridge.

Something you don't see everyday...a pig carrying a pig...

TRUE: In New Mexico, a man was arrested for buying a woman food so that she would have sex with him.
So, basically, he got arrested for "dating".

Himalayan honey hunters...

Maybe the first time this sentence has ever been written...

...but it was an accident, the article said.

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.

It takes 237 muscles to fake an orgasm, but just 15 to say, "It's called the clitoris and it's right here."


I do think that we reward a whole bunch of bad behavior...

 I don't really give a shit about the meteorite, but I'm going to post anything named Fukang.

That is one awesome fucking mermaid...

Is it still drinking on the job if you weren't planning to do any work?

This is a child's game where the pictures of the pig can be folded to form Hitler...

I used to ask telemarketers what they were wearing; now I ask them what they are doing with their hands and use my best Hannibal Lecter voice.

Before a party at my house years ago, I put a similar note that simply asked "Why are you looking in my medicine cabinet?"

A riot of fun...

My word of the day...

 (No wonder foreigners hate us)

2008 9yo Matthew Berger was chasing dog in S. Africa and saw something sticking out of the ground. This is what it was.

 The kids dad was paleoanthropologist and when he was called to investigate he let loose with a stream of profanities...one can only imagine the reason.

Anyway, the bones suggests that Au. sediba "walked like a chimp and smiled like modern day humans."

When I first read that, I thought it said "smelled" like modern day humans and I wondered how the fuck they knew that. I take no pride in that admission.

( "Por la gloria del Perú!" )

#59's crotch looks like Jesus...

...or Charles Manson.

I find it interesting that blacks wear more cotton than whites.

You pay this man and he sits there looking at you....

 ...and gnaws a lollipop to look just like you.

My wife tried to cook lamb the other night. It was so undercooked that Welsh people were still trying to shag it.

This is very nice. I've painted more walls to look like windows than you can imagine...

If plastic is derived from fossil fuels, and fossil fuels came from dead dinosaurs, what does that make a plastic dinosaur?

One of my very own...

A one sided thong...what say you?

I just found out that during family reunions my nephews played a drinking game where they took a swig every time I insulted someone's religion. One of them told me that we were only halfway through the first blessing when they both puked.

 This is what he read right before he agreed to do that...

No.

Back when girls understood Rule #39 and didn't bitch about it...

This is the way I've felt about our last few presidents...

STUDY OF BRAS BY A SPORTS DOCTOR WHO FOLLOWED THOUSANDS OF DIFFERENT AGED WOMEN FOR 15 YEARS: 

("followed" may not be the right word to use in that sentence)

Here are some of his findings:

Provide no benefits to women.

Harmful to the breasts over time.

Increase sag.

Breasts do not benefit from being deprived of gravity

Without, nipples gained higher lift

Restrictive material prevents tissue growth

Restricts breathing

Sports bras have no correlation with performance

Without breasts were firmer.

No data that they aid back pain

WHO WERE THE FIRST TO COME OUT AND DEBUNCT HIS FINDINGS? THE LINGERIE INDUSTRY. Go figure.

So, ladies, at least think about tossing those useless things...

"What's for din.....never mind...."