ADVENTURER’S LOG: EARTH CYCLE 21 - SATURDAY #1706

CORRECTIONVILLE, IOWA

A town that sounds like a Steven King novel...the possibilities are endless.

Jumped right back on our beloved 44 this AM...

 Finally found a sign with a wooden post, so...

 ICYI...

My wife and I love driving on roads like this...

A sure sign that at road in seldom traveled...

 Sometimes the grass would grow 6 inches over the white line...

On such roads, it's possible to just stop in the road to Utensilize something...

 ICYI...

I really wanted to tag one of these signs, but I was afraid of snakes in the wetlands...

Hey, guys, here's a hint for you...buy a bag of tacos and tell your woman you want to take her on a picnic. Women really, really love picnics...

My sweet wife would have thanked me, but it was hard for her to talk what with the ensuing fellatio.

By my estimate, there are 10 million cows in America. I counted them all...these are the last three...

 The bad part about traveling backroads

Cell phone coverage is hit or miss. Seeing one of these causes my wife to scramble for messages...

The most hated sign...

I figure that on today's six hour drive, one of those hours was spent in situations like this...

Even my wife noticed that we have an uncanny knack for being the first vehicle in line for these all too frequent delays...

CORN

At every vista I tried to take a photograph to show you just how much corn there is out here...

 To estimate, I would have to use thousands of square miles instead of acres...

But none of these pictures do it justice...

Then my wife saw this at a T intersection and suggested I use this to visually depict that it goes on and on in all directions...

Last night my wife asked where I wanted to stop the next day. When I saw this town on the map, I felt it was calling my name...

 And in this motel, my wife has a recliner. I love recliners for my wife...she hasn't spoken to me since her ass hit the seat. Just lounges around like a $2 crack whore...

And as an aside...I said something today that my wife agreed with and she said, "True dat." I made her repeat it several times. I still haven't got my head around it.

I've turned the tables on my wife's efforts to drive me insane. First I was extremely careful to put the seat back down on the toilet every time I used it. Then last night she thanked me for being so considerate. I said, "Oh, I stopped messing with the toilet seat after so much bitching. Now I just pee in the bathtub."

Saw this today. Some would call it vandalism...

 I think that it is just a (maybe the only) way for this young man to document his life...a "I was here" moment.
But he's not the only one. People spend a bundle of money to mark there mere existence this way...

And others screw eating utensils to various things.

Also, if you think about the name spray painted on the train in just the right way, you can image a map somehow depicting where that name has traveled. Knowing that more than likely he painted more than one car, think about his name being in motion somewhere in America 24/7.

Driving down the road and a huge bird slammed against the windshield, scaring the shit out of us. My wife immediately screamed, "You think it's dead?"
I screamed, "Who gives a shit if it's dead. The stupid motherfucker flew into a huge white pick-up truck in broad daylight. I call it cleansing the gene pool."

Almost all day it was too cool to roll down the windows. My wife had the idea of traveling north while it was hot as hell back home. Excellent.

This reminds me very much of my wife...

Think your young kids are watching too much TV? Tell them what I told an heiress apparent to the Folio Olio fortune:
"Before your eyeballs fall out from watching too much TV, they get very loose."

There are only two escalators in Wyoming...one's in a mall and the other in the airport....said to be true dat.

ER here I come...

..."Excuse me, honey, would you grab those fingers and put them on ice for me. I'll meet you in the car.....and grab me another beer while you're at the fridge anyway."

The largest species of eagle in the world looks like Nicolas Cage.

I still find it funny that the royal baby was named after a Seinfeld character.

Wildlife poster....

Rather effective I would say.

St Roch belatedly realized that the special 'cut-price' support hose were not such a bargain as he had thought at the time...

Last weekend, New York held its "Smallest Penis Pageant". The competition was stiff, but nobody could tell.

Can you imagine what he will show if he LOSES?!

"You haven't seen the last of me."

The real pellet vaporized. This one was added for scale...

SILICONE: One of those ridiculous looking plastic devices that vets put on animals to prevent them from licking their wounds.

At my age, I get a great deal of satisfaction from tearing off a sheet of aluminum foil without fucking up the whole thing.

You won't believe what this is...

 Now imagine a male version that accomplished the same thing. Ugly, that.

What the hell kind of country is this where I'm only allowed to hate white people.

Best excuse for being late to work I ever used:
Was afraid to go outside because the fog reminded me of Silent Hill.