TUESDAY #1679

EMAIL FROM MY DAUGHTER:

My husband and I watched Django Unchained.  It was good -- but long -- and so I decided to multi-task by smoking some eggplants and garlic on the grill to make a middle eastern spread called Baba Gannoush.   I got so into the movie that not only did I neglect to turn them, etc., but I also didn't finish until after 10 when neither of us was hungry enough to eat it.   As I was getting ready for bed, I lamented that supper wasn't that good without it, and my husband, in a perfect Australian accent, exclaimed: "A Django ate my Baba!"

You see, Gentle Readers, to write a humor blog you don't actually have to be funny. You just have to hang out with a whole bunch of funny people and just steal their shit.

Brazil beat Spain 3-0. I hate to say it, but I think Spain threw the game...

When is the best time to go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.

Interesting dynamics on this pitch today...

Worthy of an Academy Award...

The more you watch this, the funnier it gets.

There's a story here...

You never realize how pathetically boring your life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.

A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste.

People who think laughter is the best medicine apparently have never had morphine.

Did you notice the guy in the background?

A coat made of chest hair....that's true...

There is only one and it was made for an ad campaign. I found it curious that the actual headline stated "male chest hair".

Automobile Pong...

Goddamn that looks like fun!

Sometimes I reminisce about my bachelor days when the biggest decision I had to make each day was where I was going to vomit that night.

 The awkward part is that there are thousands of people attempting to sing along with you. You give something three or four extra sylables and it's just confusing.

Speaking of music...Think of the songs "My Way", "Hey, Jude" or "Shall We Gather At The River". Now imagine listening to just the music...no lyrics. I think you will agree that they, even without words, would stand alone as a thing of beauty.
No think of any rap song you know and imagine it without words. I don't think so.

 I think it looks more like a humming bird.

Helmet with a head's up map display...

Southerners know that the difference between a "hissy fit" and a "conniption fit" is that you "have" a hissy fit and you "pitch" a conniption fit.

Do. Not. Go. Near. The. Stormdrain.

My buddy, Rupert, took this...

Why the fuck does bottled water have nutritional information but beer doesn't?

Unfortunate juxtaposition...

I bothers me that here on earth a piece of his home planet will make Superman writhe on the ground when his parents walked around on it all day.


He judges...

...It's his hobby. Some people knit or collect stamps. Marlon judges.

You can tell by the sight of a still functioning Blockbuster that the area has bad internet service.

I think students should just skip college and stay home. That'll save them the trouble of moving back in later.

Day drinkers...

I'm going to be proud of my daughter no matter who she grows up to be. If she grows up to be a serial killer, I can hear myself bragging "Excuse me...that's seventeen KNOWN victims."

A breakfast restaurant...

Des Moines Was Accidentally Named After a Native American Poop Joke

It is impossible to slowly tip toe around without activating your T-Rex arms.


Where is your deer god now?

When Matisse got too old to paint, he cut out paper that an assistant glued on...

Another image that looks like two photos but is not...

Gays and lesbians getting married....haven't they suffered enought?"

Wardrobe malfunctions...always good for a laugh...

That so reminds me of the girl about her age who came down the water slide as I was standing in the pool waiting on my daughters. Her top came down and by the time she noticed, she also noticed me staring. Then she jerked the top up, but the lower band went OVER her boobs. Then down again, then too high again. Finally she just sunk down in the water to make more leisurely adjustments.

So...ah...this needed to be painted on a train?

In 1934, three American artists were asked what the "girls of the future" would look like.

Neysa McMein said: "It's appalling how much all women look alike, how much they standardize their looks today. If it keeps up for 25 more years the result will be shocking."

(indeed)

Is this art? I like to think so...

One of my very own...

If I was a judge, I would hang out with other judges just so I could say "I'll be the judge of that" and we would all laugh about it.

(I hope I have some football fans out there, otherwise that last gag is going to be totally lost on you)