FRIDAY #1725

Egyptian violence excessive?

 If Americans did things like this and/or threw fire bombs and set buildings on fire....

 I predict that scenes like this would be child's play...

Sometimes I see an image and I'm not sure if I've shared it before. I think that I have, in fact, shared this, but it is so marvelous...on many levels...that I offer it to you again...

When I use the bathroom at somebody else's house, I compliment them on their hand soap to make them think I washed my hands.

 This is a public school 8th grade test from 1912, and well worth the read....

Now tell me we haven't been dumbed down. 

Well, well, well...

"You are limited only by your imagination." You have to admit, that leaves A LOT of room for creativity.

My wife is so ugly, when she walks into a bank they turn off the camera.
(that is so untrue)

Taxidermy and case sold at auction house Christie...

Nothing says extreme agility like "Oh my god a spider!"

Just walk away like a fucking boss...

The worst thing a parent could say to you is "what happened to my little girl?" Especially if they're talking to their son. I know the pain.

It's call Airburst Artillery for a reason...

Jim Carrey doing Clint Eastwood...

Teachers called it cheating. I called it teamwork.

Girl, is there anyone in your household who is allowed to offer any fashion advice?

I can guarantee her children would not approve....unless they are home schooled.

Iron foot and racism, all on one table...

This sickens me...

Hoes be like "Hoes be like...." But they be the hoes that be like.


There is something about me and parking garages...

Short of writing it on my arm, I can never even remember my level, much less where on that level my car is parked....and that's fucking true.

Finished the New York Times Sunday crossword in under an hour. One clue I liked especially:
Low notes......subtitles.


I had to remind my wife of this often during our trip...

Like, she got embarrassed when I asked for a corndog at that fancy restaurant. I said, "We will never see these people again for the rest of our lives."
That did nothing to abate her horror.

 See, that old woman forgot my most favorite five words...

Be forewarned. When she says "light housework", it's not even close to "lighthouse work", which I though would be cool as shit.

If rednecks had been created first, that bitch would have thrown away the apple and fried up that fucking snake and started eating it before its tail stopped twitching.

Tsar Putin......no.....

"Not in front of the camera, you fool."

Well, of course it does...

  

As a griller myself, this is one of man's unexplained mysteries...

Goddamn, Nigerian viewers, I would love to get a comment or two from you guys. I have no idea why I have so many viewers from your lovely homeland, but…hey, thanks.

Taking "naps" sounds so childish. I now perfer to call them "horizontal life pauses."

I would love to have a dog named Achilles, and keep telling him to heel even though I had never taught him how, then when someone commented I would say, "That's his weakness."

If something "goes downhill" it means it worsens, but if we say things like "it's an uphill battle" it means it's difficult. There's no winning when it comes to hills.


Somewhere along the line, she crossed it....

I just poured Super-Glue into a non-stick pan. Somebody is about to be proven wrong.


You may have noticed that I post many isolated comic panels. They mesmerize me....

A chef is the only artist whose creations travel through someone's rectum.

A real paperfolding machine that delivers it's product to box...

 This better illustrates finally event...

If less is more, then nothing is everything.

Being honest with mom and dad...I found this fucking hilarious....

THERE WILL BE A SATURDAY POST TOMORROW.