MONDAY #1740

Just say "No", Mr. President.

Found a new absurd cartoon site...

I wonder how many people still get this gag...

This is a classic example of a "No Win Situation".

Last Christmas I bought a fake Christmas tree and the guy behind the counter said, "Are you going to put this up yourself?"
I said, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room."

Clever, this...

I know the feeling well.

BLOG HUMOR

I have been asked many times, "What's your blog about?" I just ask them to look at it and figure that out for themselves...

My wife's new hobby...

"The burka is a symbol of female oppression, so let's take away women's right to wear them."

There is more to life than sex, drugs and rock and roll…but not much more.

A sign in Alaska that is damn near true...

 Their huge mosquitos were used to penetrating Caribou hide, so a jacket, shirt and undershirt didn't phase them...they could sting you through it all. But they were slow and easily swatted.

English word usage...

 My daughter sent me a site whereby you could see how popular any word was. For instance, you type in Bastard and find out it is used more often than, say, Flower. I wish she would send it again and I will share it with you.

And from inside the Playboy Mansion...

Yes. Yes we do.

If you are entering a professional eating contest and smoke some weed beforehand, does that count as a performance enhancing drug?

If you won't hire someone because of their tattoos and/or piercings, it says more about you than them.

There’s going to come a day when I just decide to stop thinking altogether.

This tells me that on my wife and I's last road trip, we drove the equivalent of around the moon...

Got stopped by a state trooper on my way home the other night. Conversation went something like this:

"Sir, have you been drinking?"

"I’ve only had one beer an hour."

"Since when?"

"1969."

(that didn't really happen, but I did make it up myself)

I never thought of this before...

I get about 6 or so spam comments every day. Here are two on the same day. They both humbly asked me to visit their site, which, of course, was a cheap commercial site. But notice the strange 'W' font change on only a few words:

Reаԁing this іnformаtion So

i am satіsfіed to cοnvey thаt I'ѵe аn

incгedibly ехcellent unсanny feeling I ԁіsсovеrеd just ωhat

I neеԁеd. I such a lοt іndubitаblу will mаkе sure to

do not ρut out of youг mind thіs web ѕіte and provіdes

it a glance regulaгlу.

**********

You can certainly ѕee youг exρeгtisе іn thе articlе you writе.

Thе arena hoρes fοr morе pasѕionate ωrіters like you who aren't afraіd to say hoω they

beliеve. At all times go after уour heaгt.

(at first I thought the second one was sincere. I even visited the site and was very disappointed...like I need a bigger dick)
(also, I copied and pasted that to this post and spellcheck picked up just about every word whether they were misspelled or not. What's up with that?)



I wrote a story called 'Double-Yolked Eggman' and this just about nails the setting...

Come to find out after posting that last 'fact', the "university" is extremely overcrowded, so the test results may be fixed to simply ease the student population.

The AC broke in the bar where I was watching the Cocks football game Thursday and it was hot. The guy next to me was dripping with perspiration. He looked at me and said, "You must not sweat much."
I said, "At my age I don’t do anything much."

A repost I still smiled at...

This is a good thing, right.......right?

Anybody heard about Google and Microsoft teaming up resisting the government's unlawful demands for our information?

 Okay...but why is that written on your back?

Men cheat because men are assholes.
Women cheat because men are assholes.

I couldn't agree more...

Yeah, she looks crazy to me.

Another fancy restaurant prank: Ask the waiter, "How much wine do you have?"

"Hello, my name is Ashamabah. How may I help you kill many people today?"

"And this is my assistant, Beelzebub."

When you think about it, donuts is just eating cake for breakfast.

"Oh, shit, it's an alien invasion," said no European ever.


Another image that begs your imagination to go to work...

During my wife and I's first long roadtrip, I saw this doctored sign...I think in Arizona. I was keenly disappointed that there was no shoulder on which to stop and photo....